Fractured Fairy Tales from the Farm— Part Six

Meet the wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Not your normal sheep, but what with genetic engineering these days, perfectly possible.  I had never considered that genetic engineering might be a way to speed up the process of fulfilling of Biblical prophecies, but hey— whatever works.

Sheep are not notably bright creatures.   My theory is because someone stole their ram memory.    One weekend I was driving in the Lake District in England on a very narrow paved track, and came over a hill and there was a whole herd of sheep standing in the road and not about to budge.  My mother, who was in the back seat screamed ‘Look Out’.   But it was the conversation being carried on by the two lead sheep that was more interesting.   I called those two Gerty and Heathcliffe.

“Well Gerty do you think we should move?”

“Naw, Heathcliffe that car’s stopped anyway.  And the sheep dog hasn’t shown up yet. ‘

“Yeah, touch call.  I prefer not to think about it. Thinking is not what I do best.  Ba Ram You.”  Makes you wonder why exactly King David and Jesus both likened God’s people to sheep.   I mean sheep are not notably bright.   And then there are those prophetic images.

How exactly does a lion lie down with a lamb without thinking of lamb chops?   Did the farmer spray some nasty smelling repellent on the lamb?   I’m just saying.    One thing I do know, the reason the Almighty leads sheep beside still waters is because they are so unstable of foot that if they fell in in running waters they would plumb drown.  All that wool would fluff up like a blown up life jacket and and you would see a bunch of parkas floating down the stream.

Dale Carnegie tells the tale of growing up on a sheep farm, and at the end of the day, his job was to make sure the sheep were all safely in the sheep pen.  He would open the gate and the sheep dog would chase those buggers into the pen.  But Carnegie, who was bored growing up on a sheep farm, would stick a stick in the open doorway of the pen and the first sheep would jump over it, and then the second and then the third, and then he would pull the stick back and the fourth would jump in the same way, and the fifth and the sixth and so on.  Sheep are not notably bright, but they do know how to play follow the leader.  And by the way, they don’t have very good eyesight either.

I have heard rumors however that male sheep have gotten a little smarter about finding a mate.  They have started a line of Hallmark cards  to attract attention with slogans like ‘I Love Ewe’  and “Even though your Rich, I would never Fleece You’  and  ‘I would never pull the Wool over your Eyes’  and the like.  Sounds like a growth industry.   These cards also have silly pictures of these creatures on them, looking….well….sheepish.

My wife and I discovered that New Zealand is sheep central— six million people and sixty million sheep.  No wonder they have buildings and museums that look like this….

New Zealand may have gotten the better class of criminal cast offs from England than Australia but Australia definitely got the more interesting animals.     This post would not however be complete without some pictures from Hobbiton with my wife feeding little lambs.

Yep that’s her alright,  in the little sheep shop at Hobbiton.   She was asking me what I was doing or shooting when I got out my camera and I replied  “Mutton honey,  mutton”

Imagine my surprise when I came to Kentucky and discovered a close connection between Kentucky and New Zealand, namely the fondness for sheep.  Why in Owensboro Kentucky at the Barbecue Festival, the featured so-called best barbecue was mutton!   I kid thee not.   Mutton is Kentucky’s contribution to the world of barbecue.    But perhaps now you have had enough of woolly yarns for the moment.   If you want to get over these tales, just put on Bach’s  ‘Sheep may Safely Graze’  start counting sheep, and you will soon be sleeping it off.

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!