Authentically Fun, Authentically Catholic.. an elusive combination

I suspect this will be controversial, but I want to be honest here  — as we always are.

I move a lot. Every few years I am confronted with a new place. A whole new crop of people. New neighbors, new homeschool moms, new parishes and parish groups. Heck, I even went to four high schools in as many years. Over the course of this journey I have become a bit of an armchair sociologist. I spend lots of time analyzing what personality traits attract me to another person or family. As I approach my fourth decade I think I have reached some conclusions and I am a bit disturbed about what they say about me and my pursuit of a holy life.

Here is the problem – I like “fun” people. Not to overuse those irritating quotation marks on the word “fun”, but I really mean it here, because I gravitate toward people that are ostensibly, wordlyly fun. I am drawn to those who wear colorful, exuberant outfits, not modest, dignified ones. I am drawn to the mom who is organizing soccer tournaments and dance contests rather than the one who is organizing a rosary club. I love to drink wine with my peeps, I love outdoor playtime and seem to skimp on praying the Angelus with my kids.

To my credit, after about a year in a new place I have always settled in with a crew of, much-more-grounded, typically older, holy, inspiring women. The types of women who challenge me in my walk. Who don’t cut corners and expect a great deal of themselves in relationship to God. Nonetheless, there is this part of me that still really craves worldly fun. My dilemma has become very philosophical and urgent as of late. I feel myself pulled in both directions. My yin says, we are body and spirit, God made you this way so you can use your fun-loving spirit for ministry. My yang says, this is rationalizing things – every picture of Sangria consumed over conversation about secular authors and great travel destinations is a waste. A straight-up waste in a life that is supposed to be one lived in the pursuit of greater union with the Divine and eternal union with Him upon death.

Furthermore, I really want to encounter a fun, large family. I want a mother of 4+ who doesn’t just seem to have her nose to the grindstone of motherhood, but who smiles and plays and pinches her husband’s rear end.

Am I grasping at straws here? Is fun a human weakness that gets in the way of our pursuit of holiness. I mean, monks and nuns don’t watch 30 Rock and The Office, but gosh I enjoy doing that with my husband. I don’t know ladies, is there any validity in my pursuit of people who are both fun and holy? Or, is the word “fun” just a guise for pursuit of activities that can often lead to sin?

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  • JMB

    I’ve always been attracted to the loud ones too. I don’t do well with the nerdy or the prissy crowd. It was even like that in high school. Maybe it was my growing up in NJ among lots of Italians and Jews who say what they mean and mean what they say and have a lot of opinions about everything.nI think you have to be mindful of your position in life. Don’t confuse being a mother with being a nun. There is also a big difference between being holy and being pious. It’s good to have friendships that are edifying. If they are edifying over glasses of wine and talking about People Magazine, so what? It’s spending time with others that matters most.

  • KT

    I’m right there with you. I live in the town where I went to college: very Catholic and conservative. Many of the women from there are referred to as “long skirts” by us jeans wearing ladies (and there are few of the latter). My disposition is definitely more inclined towards outgoing, silly and smart (sarcastic too?) people. That has made this transition to motherhood hard for me. I feel often judged by the more conservative moms and find they have as little desire to hang out with me as I do with them. I am perpetually seeking a Liz Lemon of a mom friend and I haven’t found it yet. I often feel like I need to tone down my expectations and become more “holy” in my approach to friendship but I find that being a mom is so isolating at times that when I do hang out with friends I want to connect and be myself, and that can be hard when you feel so alone. The other part of that is that is means I have to wait until my husband gets home to hang out with a friend and that makes the days very, very long. I constantly struggle with this, thank you for bringing it up.

  • Luisaagnes

    Please don’t change! It will get too overwhelming trying to squeeze out every light and extraneous joy that is not directly connected to some higher, holier purpose. When you burden yourself to purge life of all neutral joy, you will find yourself actually derailed and misled by the devil’s attacks, who will enjoy the opportunity as a chance to make you feel lonely and incapable of being saved. You are in the world and not cloistered as a nun, so watching shows like 30 Rock help you be in the world in a light happy way. It can be so easy to feel like you are in some protected Catholic sphere but we are not! Fr. Brown from the stories by GK Chesterton said that he could solve all the murders because he had committed them himself in his heart. So don’t be too scrupulous and enjoy the morally neutral good times too!

  • Juris Mater

    AWOL, Ms. Colorful, I hear you, lots of the same thoughts here. It is so great how you lay yourself bare by expressing exactly what you’re thinking–very easy for us all to identify with. Thank you!nnFirst, I think your perspective here is very Catholic. We are the laity, we are called to sanctify the whole world, to plunge in to the worldliness and steer it all toward God. And the good things of earth are ours to enjoy, to thank God for as we drink it all in and remember that heaven will be all of this times a million. Good old fashioned hilarity, wine and laughter, new places and experiences, debates late into the night.nnOn a practical level, one thing that has helped me immensely is the (oft discussed on this blog) understanding of various aspects of personality–most of all the four temperaments, also love languages and different ways people communicate and need to be communicated with. Your yin is correct–God has made you the way you are to draw closer to Him through your particular gifts and personality aspects and also to be just the type of apostle who he needs where he places you. Lord knows we need spunky Catholic moms with hot marriages and with-it kids! The challenge, as you identify here, is to be able to appreciate and enjoy others for being the way that they are. Quieter, harder-working, more contemplative, less passion-pouring mothers aren’t being “lame”; they have different ways of interacting and gifts of thoughtfulness, carefulness, longer and deeper prayer, sweetness, plus hundreds more, all for God’s kingdom on earth as well. I have found that I desperately need them around and am most compatible with them for deeper friendship. When it comes time for “therapy” playdates and thoughtful advice, I seek them out–just because they’re who they are, I feel like I’m partially on retreat in their presence. For Saturday night dinner parties and double dates (which are how I re-energize on the weekend to gear up for another mom week), my husband and I regularly call those who, like us, are always dying to get a sitter and hit the town at the drop of a hat. We all need each other!

  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fun isn’t just a guise for the road to perdition. I can’t imagine that all the saints were boring, humorless people that never laughed! Look at Jesus, people wanted to be with him, they hungered for his company. Why not be friends with the fun loud mom on the playground? She is looking for Christ too and you might be the one to bring it to her. You know that quote from St. Paul…”all things work for the good of those who love God.”? That means the world too! You are in the world, your vocation is not one of a priest or nun. Are you called to be holy, for sure! But that doesn’t mean you can never have fun. If all you ever did was pursue fun, sure there’d be a problem. I could comment forever on this….but in short I would answer that you are setting up a false dichotomy!! A side issue is that there are all types of different people and it is hard to find yourself in a place where you feel like you can’t be yourself because people are judging you. (wearing jeans, hating christian music.) It is hard not to have friends that you can recharge with and understand where you are coming from…but you just have to keep trying to find them. My husband and I are still trying 2.5 years into our current post. The flip side is to be confident in your decisions and open to others different views. Friendship is a give and take. I love sangria and the office but I won’t watch 30 Rock or Desperate Housewives….so don’t judge me as being unfun! : ) In short, read some St. Josemaria… for keeping it real….

  • Kathleen

    I think perhaps you write in hyperbole, because you can not honestly think fun is a human weakness that gets in the way of our holiness. History is filled with many Holy Men and Women who had wonderful senses of humor and had a wonderful zeal for the things of this world. I even think of JPII’s love for the outdoors and skiing. Or Pope Benedict’s love of Prada shoes. I think your actual struggle is in relating to people who don’t exactly share either your personality traits or your interests. My husband and I love wine, sports, movies, practical jokes and the like but above all we love relating to people because we are so stinking sanguine. We have moved many times in our short marriage and have found that we benefit from friends on all points on the personality spectrum. Sometimes we can help lighten the friends with heavier personalities, and we certainly have a lot to learn from those quiet souls who have discipline and moderation down pat! With regards to secular interests, it kills my husband and I when we check a movie on Family Style or Kids In Mind and realize we won’t be able to watch it. We try to be pretty strict about what we allow into our home especially regarding media, but we love to embrace secular society in as many ways that is morally good for us in order to relate to many souls. Good Humor and being a good friend who is fun to be around can be such a useful tool in bringing Christ to others. Even when all you are doing is playing a intense game of taboo. We have to be examples of joy. A light and joyful heart is exactly what attracts others. Being in the world, we can certainly have fun enjoying the things of the world that ARE GOOD or neutral because it is a great way to make friends and reach souls. However, we do need to be vigilant about as St. Paul says, “Hate what is evil.” A well developed conscience will help us make those important distinctions between those secular things they are good/neutral and those that can be harmful. So you can enjoy your margaritas, but maybe not 8 of them! 🙂 Also I am an the Office fan, but I am bummed because it has gotten pretty raunchy and feel that the humor still there can not justify my watching it. I think one thing Sanguines like yourself could do is start writing good clean funny back into movies and TV shows, so other humor-loving people can enjoy them!

  • When a friend of mine had me take an enneagram profile test for a class we were taking on spiritual direction, I was so embarrassed that I came out as the “fun, pleasure-seeking” personality (I think it’s a 6 but I never got that into these kind of tests) – basically the party girl! All my fellow theology grad school students were coming up as the deep thinkers or the givers or the bridge-builders, and here I was clearly the “everybody just have fun!” one. But after I reflected on it for awhile, I came to realize that it’s partly true – I do love the fun-seekers and the outgoing personalities and I do believe life is to be relished and lived joyfully to its fullest – and I realized that there is much good to be found in this, too. The whole point of there being a range of personalities created by God is that we complement each other. My contemplative friends help me to slow down and find God in the quiet and the silence; my wild and crazy friends help me to let go of my fears and jump into new experiences. There has never been just one model of piety and faithfulness in following Christ (who himself laughed and joked and drank wine and spent time with some wild folks!) and I’m thankful for that. And I’m sure you and your family are setting a wonderful example for others of what it means to live fully, faithfully, and with fun as a Catholic in our world today. n(By the way, I wouldn’t be so sure that monks and nuns don’t watch 30 Rock or the Office. I’ve met plenty of both who have fabulous senses of humor and are much more in tune to popular culture than you may think!) 🙂

  • Texas Mommy

    OK, here’s my confession. Last month my book club and my monthly circle fell on the same night due to a book club change. With a clear conscience, I went to my book club. Now these are orthodox Catholic ladies, but very fun and smart.nnI felt that the fellowship of likeminded moms having a enjoyable, intellectual, thoughtful and provocative conversation (and yes, there was wine) was more important to my sanity and pursuit of holiness than the more obvious choice. I have to drive close to an hour each way and it is totally worth it. Nothing recharges me more than to see others living their vocation joyfully.nnWhat I find so magnetic about large families is the joy aspect. Yes, everyone has chores and tasks, but from someone who grew up relatively isolated from my one brother (we had different activities) is seems like a BLAST to do it together. Self pity or grumpiness can’t last too long when there are siblings to play with. Of course, I’m idealizing, but I think fun and joy are great instruments for apostolate both in and out of the family. nnI also think a “plan of life” having a daily set of devotions, time set aside for prayer, reading, examination of conscience is a must. This focuses the rest of your day, whether work or play or leisure and can help order it towards God thus sanctifying even the rest and leisure times, which are necessary as well. nnAnd my husband pinches my rear end 🙂

  • Mary Alice

    Awol, I think that my type of fun people are probably different from yours, right now I am wearing a navy sweater with gold buttons and I am horrified by crocs, but nonetheless I was also reflecting recently that I have had a hard time finding really natural friendships among the Catholic homeschooling crowd, even though I have great respect for the women there. It gets even harder once I am trying to find families/couples for friendships that include my husband.nnOften I feel like I lack unity of life — I have a nice time during the day hanging out with the homeschool moms outside of choir, we chat and share our burdens and it is a great support, I feel comfortable and social with my neighbors, many of whom are Catholic, but I still think of Princeton and grad school friends as my “real” friends. When I am with many of those friends, though, I have to stifle my social conservatism and also my diatribes about the state of education. Which leaves all of you, and why we are doing this in the first place!! nnEver since college, I have really found that the one place that these two parts come together is when I am around the women of Opus Dei. Old or young, single or married, the friends I make through the work seem to really “get” all aspects of my personality, my concern for raising children of virtue, my intellectual pursuits, and my humanity in the world. It was a tremendous relief to me to get to know some of these women because I finally had a place where I could really be myself and still strive to live better as a daughter of God.nnThe particular culture of Opus Dei (though in many ways diverse) may not be a good fit for everyone, but I also know of folks who have found great, crunchy style fun and faith and friendship through Catholic Underground activities, Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, even, for men, something like Knights of Columbus, which, while totally good, does not usually seem goody-goody. Our parish knights have a pancake breakfast that beats all, and when they wear their aprons and flip flapjacks at the griddle you get the sense that these guys would also throw a pretty rockin super bowl party!nnI want to offer one caveat. While it is perfectly fine to look for human “fun” in the world, without the grounding of some plan of life or regular prayer time we cannot really do apostolate among those friends who are not aware of their divine filiation, and indeed we may find ourselves, in small ways, led astray by their friendship. When we are so much in the secular culture, we can start to see it as “normal,” we can have the sort of slow-boiling frog phenomenon. I remember when my friends and I were all watching The Sopranos and thinking that it was great entertainment, but I saw an episode recently and was horrified by the sexual explicitness and violence of it. So, without being “preachy” or “prissy” we need to be prepared to naturally help elevate the level of discourse among our friends, to walk ourselves as daughters of God no matter the surroundings, and we need prayer time to sustain us in that effort.

  • JMB

    My sister lives in NYC and is a big fan of the Catholic Underground! One of my brothers is in Opus Dei and another is in Communion & Liberation (CL), and another is involved in the Neo-Cat. I’m kind of on my own here, but I do like to hear about all the different lay aposolates in the Church.

  • Sarah

    I belong to a book club with other Catholic wives/moms and we have a lot of fun! There’s always a bottle of wine, and lots of conversation and laughter. But we always pick a Catholic book to read, so we also take our faith and sharing our journeys together seriously. Its a nice balance. Sometimes we also just go to each others homes to watch a football game or play outside. It’s a nice community. nThere’s nothing wrong with being drawn to “fun” people, as the others have said. As wives and mothers, our lives are serious and often, difficult. It’s important to have women who understand what we’re living, and make us take the time to have a good time! nnAs long as the relationships are edifying and your spiritual journey isn’t suffering, go for the sangria!

  • AWOL Mommy

    Hey, MA, I think we are the two most disparate women ever admitted to Princeton and I admire you fiercely. That said, once I am back in the States I think we should do “Builder Swap” and give eachother makeovers. I can just see myself now in Sperry Topsiders and a elbow-patch blazer with pearl earrings to boot. For you, it would be some kind of Bohemian skirt with brightly-colored matching top, love the image!

  • AWOL Mommy

    I will never support _People_, barf. But I get your gist.

  • AWOL Mommy

    JM, Dear, what title do you recommend for me to read more about personality types? I have heard it alluded to several times here before, but I would really like to learn more, thanks.nYou know what, though? I am always worried that typing people is just the first step toward rationalizing behaviors. Certain behaviors are objectively better. Nonetheless, I want to read something on it all, what have you got?

  • AWOL Mommy

    Shoot, is _Desperate Housewives_ really in the same category as _30 Rock_?

  • AWOL Mommy

    Kathleen, of course there is a touch of literary hyperbole, but my concerns are real. nnI am grateful for this balanced comment of yours, and the reminders of our two most recent Papas and their quirks.

  • AWOL Mommy

    Tex, I would pinch your rear end if I were in the vicinty, you are quite fit and hot. Thank you for your point about the joy of being in a large family – your points are so strong there. Mom does have to set the tone, though, which sometimes seems like a weighty responsibility.nnPrayer and examination of conscience really need to guide my interactions more, thank you for the lovely fraternal reminder.

  • AWOL Mommy

    So, I have been hopeful to find some like-minded ladies in Opus Dei, but the options here in Germany are limited. I was invited to a circle several months ago, but the lady that ran it has her two children in German “school” all day and just seemed too removed for me. Whether it is good or bad, I really feel myself needing the friendship and spiritual sisterhood of women who are “in the trenches” of young children-rearing right now. I guess once we get orders back to somewhere in the States you can search the super-secret Opus Dei database and link me up with a local group.nnYour last paragraph touches me to the core. Thank you. Maybe I will send you some hot-pink Crocs as a token of my appreciation.

  • Anonymous

    I have never found Opus Dei to be particularly accepting of homeschooling. They are not against it, per se, but I think some of the women in Opus Dei have their doubts regarding the choice to homeschool. Otherwise, I think it is a fantastic choice!

  • Mary Alice

    Only if I can have the neon wig you wore on halloween. wait, um, that was a wig, right?

  • mjdmom

    Maybe AWOL mommy can get MA a pair of those hot pink crocs mary janes- sort of a compromise! : )

  • B-mama

    Awol, I love your spirit. I love your choice of clothing. I love your way of expressing yourself. You are uniquely you and you bring such flavor to the world. Back living near you at Fort Carson, I was always brought to great joy any chance being with you. You share your uniqueness with the world and help others see beauty in themselves. This is 100% God-given and I wholeheartedly encourage you to continue to share your brilliance. nnThis is where you have to discern the source vs. the sharing of that joy. Perhaps you need to bone down and dig deep with the more serious Catholic friends. They will help to spiritually nourish you as you equip yourself for taking on the world. nnStay rooted in Truth. Beware of worldly hang-ups. Count all people your friends (as you do). And then go salt the earth, my friend. Try not to think about it too much, just do it as you do so well.

  • Where I live, there are a number of women that are members of Opus Dei that homeschool their children. They will be the first to tell you, however, that homeschooling is very much a vocation and not for everyone.nWhile in college, I had a roommate that was a member of Opus Dei (a supernumerary- the kind that can get married) and she seemed to have such BALANCE in her life. She would go out with us on a Saturday night and have a couple of beers, but then the next morning, she was at Mass and doing mental prayer and saying the rosary, etc. It was such an attractive way to live. I agree with the previous poster who brought up Opus Dei- so many members are closer to living that balance of being good Catholics while still being in the middle of the world.

  • Juris Mater

    I’d recommend “The Temperament God Gave You” by Art Bennett and Laraine Bennett and “Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself” by Florence Littauer.nnYou’re not the only one who worries that typing people is bad for either (1) pigeonholing/labeling, not giving them a chance to change OR (2) rationalizing bad behavior. But I think studying temperaments has the opposite effect of these. Most importantly, I have come to understand that the way I do things and view the world and relate to others isn’t superior (and others aren’t inferior). I once thought my own qualities were the most objectively superior and amusing and desirable–for example, being a doer, a talker, a controller, a clown, a judge. I think taking a good, earnest look at the spectrum of natural virtues and temperament qualities has really put me in my place and deeply increased my charity and improved my relationships. Certain behaviors ARE objectively better, but temperaments and virtues are at the root of behavior, and it’s super enlightening to study how it all fits together. nnAlthough, as my husband (who far surpasses me in charity and is excellent at seeing all sides) reminds me, we shouldn’t obsess over temperaments, because grace polishes our nature with every passing day.

  • Juris Mater

    I second this. AWOL, you rock.

  • AWOL Mommy, I love this post!nnI am not Catholic, but like you, I do love the LORD. I so admire you for connecting with other women of faith and striving to be more Christ-like. However, like most have commented, I very much agree that you should embrace your attraction towards people who love to have fun. nnI have always been surrounded by friends who were believers. However, since moving to our current location, probably half of my friends are nonbelievers. My family and I attend a very modern evangelical church that we love. Our ministers have been teaching us so much about witnessing to nonbelievers … not in the traditional way of just speaking about our faith. Instead, it’s all about loving them and coming into relationship with them. So many non-believers think that Christians are boring and not allowed to have any fun. We know this isn’t true! nnThere have to be tons of non-believing women out there who will be drawn to you because you are fun-loving, have a sense of humor, etc. And just wait until you slowly reveal your heart for God to them! I’m going with yin here … 🙂

  • B-mama

    KTF, I wholeheartedly agree! This thing called life is about LOVE and sharing the LOVE of Christ to the world. Living out your joy and fun spirit is the most awesome representation of Christ to people who may think Christianity is a faith with too many rules and regulations. nIn the words of Chesterton:n”We might fancy some children playing on the flat grassy top of some tall island in the sea. So long as there was a wall round the cliffu2019s edge they could fling themselves into every frantic game and make the place the noisiest of nurseries.” (h/t Under the Fig Tree)

  • Karen

    Any thoughts regarding good groups near fort Carson? My SIL is decidedly sanguine and could use a good Catholic group while my brother is posted there!

  • Annie

    I think “fun” is the secular term for “J.O.Y.”–Jesus, Others, Yourself! Don’t ever stop being joyous…your comments ring so true to me and my family of six children–moving, new communities, etc…and I’ll never stop pinching my husband’s behind!

  • Bethany

    I keep reading this post and comments over and over again wondering if I’m doing something wrong. I am proud to be Catholic, and reading about catechism, the saints, and the New Testament with my children during school time is probably my favorite time of the day (it definitely beats fighting with my 9 year old and his math). We pray most every morning before school begins, and I utter prayers throughout the day, both audible and inaudible; we have some sort of religion/theology lesson every day and my husband prays morning and evening prayer and we all try to join him. We go to confession regularly and I’m leaning towards attempting to try and attend a Latin Mass one of these days.nnThat being said… We totally had a Superbowl/birthday party (my current youngest turned 1 on Sunday). Invited a friendly family over that we know well. He teaches Sacraments at the local Catholic High School, she is a SAHM who is also finishing her dissertation on some form of Systematic theology. They have two kids so far (they got married in the early 30’s). The men drank beer (the dog spilled beer, she is breastfeeding a 3 month old and I’m due Sept. 7th and I don’t like beer, I like rum), the kids ate their weight in salami rolls and veggies and hummus, and we cheered for the Packers and critiqued commercials. Monkey cake (shaped like monkey, not made out of) was had at halftime for the birthday boy and a fun time was had by all. nnI wear jeans and brightly colored tank tops or tee-shirts. I sing in my parish choir (not in jeans and tank tops), I get excited for football and college basketball and I will fill out a bracket in March even if I’m too chicken to bet anything more than a date night with my husband. I play computer games – some of which may not be approved by the majority of people here, but they are fun and they bring about good head dialogue, when the choice to become a good Jedi or an evil Jedi presents itself. I like to play board games like Ticket to Ride and Fury of Dracula. I like going to the state museum because they have a free playroom in the basement for the kids. I watch NCIS and NCIS:LA (the latter mostly for Chris O’Donnell) and I enjoy watching WordGirl with my children and Dinosaur Train. I do like good Catholic apologetics books, but I’m currently rereading the Iliad and I’m working my way back up to Joyce’s Ulysses. I get excited when my husband presents at Theology on Tap, not because it’s theology, but because I get a night out without the children. nnThere are only a couple of women that I hang out with on a regular basis, one is Catholic (mentioned above) and one is not. My other friends, the ones from college, have all but left me, I think for the exact opposite reasoning. I’m “too” Catholic for them, what ever that means. They don’t like the picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in my house, they don’t like that I carry my Rosary almost everywhere, and they don’t like that my once socially liberal views have been replaced by much more moderately conservative ones. And while I may not be the most eloquent or articulate of debaters when it comes to the hotbutton issues, I state my mind. If i’m not fun these days it’s because I’m still learning how to homeschool 2 children while dealing with 2 others, keeping up with the house and being pregnant. nnBut I still pinch my husband’s rear end – at least twice a day. nn

  • alittleshallow?

    I love this post…I am a 35 yr old mama to 6 kiddos- the problem right now? The other large families in our catholic homeschooling group all look like they are 50 and dress like they are 70. Beautiful and holy women they are, BUT, I feel like a teenager when we all head out to the park. I’m the one in the bright orange tee and jeans and in not denim dresses down to the ankle. I have not found a balance. I have protestant mommy friends but what they make up in style they lack in depth (not a generalization, just the ones I know) nor can I fully share my faith with. I want to find a friend to work out with, have dinner over a glass of wine w/ & I want her husband to be fun so dinner is not such formal/boring event…Do I sound shallow? Maybe? homeschooling, training, nursing all leave me tired some days- I want friends to laugh with soo hard my side hurts while we get mani/pedis, who can share in my daily struggles, shop the best yard sales & join at adoration at midnight. I love your honesty. I can see the other side of the coin as well, but rearing littles along side a good, holy, hip friend sounds appealing to me yet so hard to find.

  • Kathleen

    I’ve heard a few comments about people having friends who dress dumpy. If they are truly your friends I think it would be very loving to help them out. They may have no sense of style and need good advice. Some ladies just don’t care and so they say “I don’t have time to look nice.” You can gentle explain with LOTS of LOVE and prayers first, that looking your best is a great way to attract others to Christ. You might take them shopping, or to a Mary Kay party. Just a thought!