Simon of Cyrene and My Way of the Cross

I’ll admit, yesterday was a very lousy day.  It was one of those days where I wanted to crawl into a hole, sob, and just go to sleep.  I did a lot of crying, and that always gives me a nice pounding headache.  My name, Kellie, means warrior, and so I often look at the sufferings in my life as parts of a great big spiritual battle.  Holding onto that analogy, last week ended with some sparring, and this week began with a great big uppercut to my jaw.  It was the type of uppercut that knocked me down and left me struggling for air.  My friend’s baby died.

I was reminded again yesterday that I can never really escape from this suffering.  I will always know what it feels like to have your baby die.  It feels like a thousand knives piercing my lungs.  The pain will always be real, and I will always weep for the poor suffering mothers.

Years ago, I walked to an ultrasound, the June sun was warm and I even jogged happily as I thought about my baby and such a big milestone –seeing her on the ultrasound screen.  And then my life changed as I lay on that table and listened to her fate.  I would carry her and she would die.  There was nothing anyone could do.  She lived inside me and died in November.  I carried my cross and was forever changed.

In Luke 23 it says

“As they led Jesus away they seized Simon of Cyrene who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus.”

Seized.  Just like me, Simon was forced to carry the cross and help his Savior with God’s plan of redemption.  My body did the work, and I suffered, but it was not my choice.  I was simply walking along the road when I was seized onto a path I did not understand.  I did what was asked of me, but my heart fought it every step of the way.

Over 10 years later, I still have days where I am pulled onto that road again, against my will, and asked to help another carry their cross.   And yet with each passing year, I am less tempted to despair.  The grace to see God’s plan in the lives of these dying children and their suffering parents is there.  Yes, the picture is blurry because the pain is still deep, but I trust.  And I know I must help.  I must reach out, suffer with them, and listen.  I cannot sit comfortably at home, hiding behind my own sadness and even my own fears.  I must walk with them and shoulder their burden.  In doing so, I take part in God’s great work of redemption.  My daughter Therese does too.  And just like her Patron Saint, she is spending her time in heaven showering the earth with roses.

“When I die, I will send down a shower of roses from the heavens, I will spend my heaven by doing good on earth.”  St. Therese of Lisieux, Story of a Soul.

~ In Memory of McKayla Rose ~

 

 

  • Kathy

    So sorry for the lose of McKayla Rose. May the angels welcome her into paradise – the holy city, Jerusalem. Prayers for her, her family and you at this difficult time.

  • Kellie “Red”

    Thank you Kathy. You are always so thoughtful and sweet. God Bless you!

  • http://www.buildingcathedrals.com Katrina

    Prayers for you and for your friends, Kellie! McKayla Rose, pray for us!

  • Juris Mater

    What a ministry of the heart you have. Praying for healing.

  • Mary-Anne

    Following is a Miscarriage Prayer written by Mother Angelic. I pray it brings comfort to those who have suffered a miscarriage. The Diocese of Camden ocassionally holds a Mass for those who have suffered same. I would check their website for the next one. May God Bless All.

    Miscarriage Prayer:

    My Lord, the baby is dead!

    Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

    “Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

    You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

    I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. — Mother M. Angelica

    Read more: http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/miscarriage.htm#ixzz2LjZK4Wjq

    • http://www.buildingcathedrals.com Katrina

      I’ve seen this prayer before, Mary-Anne – thank you for sharing it here with us!

  • Betty Maul

    Kellie, a beautiful post. Every time you are there for a grieving Parent, Terese, smiles down very proud of her Momma! All of our hearts have been touched by the children , we and others have given back to God. McKayla, Terese, Megan, Seth, and all the others are perfect little ones who are called home way too early for those of us on earth. Those children are pure Love, and their lives are to be cherished along with their memories, always.
    Thanks for sharing your words and your heart. Will pray for you and McKaylas Grieving family!

  • JMB

    I will keep you and your friend’s family in my prayers today.

  • Cari

    Kellie,
    Thank you for the beautiful post. I, too, have been in the very same place as you. And 13 years later I know my Emma is in heaven looking out for me.
    I will pray for you and for your friend. It is so sad that this happens, and more than most people know.


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