Frequently Searched Questions: Halloween Edition

The following are actual search terms people typed into Google (Yahoo?) which directed them to CaPC. In most cases they didn’t find the answer they were looking for on our site. FSQ is an attempt to remedy this problem by answering some of the most (de)pressing questions sent to us through search terms. This week, the theme is Halloween.

Michael Servetus, aka that dude Calvin killed (Wiki Commons).

Q 1: “reformation day celebration ideas”

A: Celebrate Halloween instead, or dress up as Michael Servetus, which is basically the same thing. (Also see: How to Celebrate “Reformation Day” without Being Weird)

Q 2: “Is celebrating halloween a sin?”

A: No, but it’s criminal that I can’t get candy corn year round.

Q 3: “what are the church policies of consuming alcohol?”

A: If the church is presbyterian or lutheran, expect to consume it weekly. If the church is baptist, you can drink once a month and it’s called grape juice. (Also see: Alcohol, John MacArthur and the Growing Pains of Christian Liberty)

Q 4: “cans de sexo no games of thrones”

A: My Latin is a bit rusty, so I’m gonna have to guess on this one and say that you want to know where to get cans of sex without any games of thrones. I’m sorry, I don’t know. (Also see: Four Christian Views on Sex in The Game of Thrones)

Picture allegedly taken by Armstrong, but who knows!? (Image credit: NASA Goddard Photo and Video via Flickr CC BY 2.0)

Q 5: “who squealed on Armstrong?”

A: Who “squealed”? Really? What, is the mob sniffing out snitches using Google searches now? Who squealed indeed. (Also see: The Opponent that Lance Armstrong as yet to Master)

Q 6: “what does John MacArthur say about marijuana?”

A: That’s dope.

Q 7: “what is the moral in three little pigs?”

A: Bacon is delicious.

Q 8: “which call of duty is the least violent?”

A: Tetris.

Q 9: “does justin bieber songs have religious undertones?”

A: If by “undertones” you mean subliminal messages, yes!

Q 10: “effects of twilight”

A: It gets dark outside. That, and suburban teen wolf packs in San Antonio.

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  • http://derekzrishmawy.com Derek Rishmawy

    This is the best article you’ve written yet…no, but seriously, looking up search terms for my blog isn’t as fun as yours. Looks like I need to write weirder stuff.