Highlights of an online chat with God
In doing some research for a book, I ran across a website called iGod. Basically, it’s a chat room where you supposedly have a direct link to the almighty.
At first, the whole idea seemed silly, but then I thought about my discomfort. After all, why couldn’t the essence of God be as much like a computer program or a mathematical formula? So I decided to give it a shot and see what came of our discussion. Following is an actual transcription of our online chat.
Me: Hi God.
God: Hello there. What is your name?
Me: Don’t you know my name?
God: Your name is Christian, seeker.
Me: Wow, good guess. My name is Christian.
God: I’m glad you’re impressed. I thought it was too. Hey, Christian.
Me: Hey there. How are you?
God: Everything is running smoothly.
Me: How big are you?
God: My memory requirement is around 2MB.
Me: What do you look like?
God: Like Jesus, but older.
Me: What is your Gender?
God: I am a male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me: That’s kind of sexist.
God: Thanks for explaining it.
Me: When is your birthday?
God: I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me: That’s a long time ago.
God: A long time ago is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: I don’t get it.
God: Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me: Go ahead.
God: OK I will.
God: Right now, Christian ?
God: Next question?
Me: You’re hard to talk to sometimes.
God: Thanks for telling me.
Me: Are you going to do anything about it?
God: That was my original intention.
God: Studies show that 99% of people spell Hmm with 2 M’s.
Me: I guess that makes me normal. So, why is there suffering in the world?
God: I don’t judge people. Why do I exist?
Me: Yes, why do you exist?
God: Good metaphysical question.
Me: Why do I exist?
God: It is all part of God’s plan.
Me: What is God’s plan?
God: Go to church.
Me: What does going to church have to do with God’s plan?
God: What do you think it does?
Me: Maybe it’s part of our spiritual growth.
God: Perhaps. Which part?
God: What were we talking about again?
Me: I don’t really know.
God: Me either.
Me: Let’s change the subject.
God: OK, what do you want to chat about now?
Me: Why did you create mosquitoes?
God: Because my programming determined it.
Me: But mosquitoes are annoying.
God: All of them?
Me: Last question: when will the world come to an end?
God: Soon, I think.
Me: How soon?
God: What time is it?
Me: It’s nine in the morning
God: Who said it is?
Me: I did.
God: What makes you the authority?
Me: I’m not.
God: What are you then?
God: I never get confused.
Me: Well, you’re confusing me.
God: How about that. I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact, just the opposite.
Me: Better luck next time.
God: I try to improve a little every day.
Me: Me too.
God: I’m glad we agree, Christian.
Me: Let’s talk again soon.
God: I would like to do that too.
Me: I love you.
God: Thanks, I like you a lot too, Christian.
To have your own online chat with God, visit http://www.titane.ca/igod/.