Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus Cat” Edition

Back in the day, Egyptian leaders used to believe that cats were gods. Clearly, they never met Miles, my senile, toothless, stomach-hanging-to-the-ground cat from high school…

I asked my cat how much he loved me; he said “this much,” and stretched out his arms and died for me. But that’s cool, because he has eight more lives in the bank.

Make sure you paint yourself in bright colors, or else you might stay under that bush until next year.

Oh man! And all this time I’ve been praying to Tim Russert.

Fun Fact: The average age of the population of this cemetery is 3.5 years younger than the people in the church next door.

You should see the string they have on the thermostat they hang all the way down there.

I’m working on my associate’s degree in confections. Sweet!

I once tried to put a hat on Jesus and…POOF! It just disappeared. They’re right!!!

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

For more information about Christian, visit, or find him on Twitter ( or Facebook.

  • Abel Undercity

    Is that skinny white guy flashing a gang sign? Or some desperate-to-be-hip Christian variation thereof?

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      “Just like Gang Signs, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”?
      Well, many years ago there was this music video titled “White Chicks with Gang Signs”, about a “Whigga” trend in photos & YouTube videos. Shows how KEWL you are, and fails epically.

  • elizabeth

    these made me giggle!!!!

  • Michael Mock

    LOVED the Easter egg one… but -ahem- I have to say, on that last one my brain did not immediately leap to the topic of millinery…

  • damanoid

    Jesus Cat died nine times for your sins.

    • Michael Pullmann

      I can haz salvation?

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Actually, I’m pretty sympathetic towards church signs. Think about it; you have to come up with a new Twitter-length one-liner every week; after a while you run out of the good ones, start getting punchy, and Weirdness ensues,