Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus Cat” Edition

Back in the day, Egyptian leaders used to believe that cats were gods. Clearly, they never met Miles, my senile, toothless, stomach-hanging-to-the-ground cat from high school…

I asked my cat how much he loved me; he said “this much,” and stretched out his arms and died for me. But that’s cool, because he has eight more lives in the bank.

Make sure you paint yourself in bright colors, or else you might stay under that bush until next year.

Oh man! And all this time I’ve been praying to Tim Russert.

Fun Fact: The average age of the population of this cemetery is 3.5 years younger than the people in the church next door.

You should see the string they have on the thermostat they hang all the way down there.

I’m working on my associate’s degree in confections. Sweet!

I once tried to put a hat on Jesus and…POOF! It just disappeared. They’re right!!!

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About Christian Piatt

To learn about Christian Piatt's new project, "A**hole Christian Survival Guide," and to pre-order your copy, visit The humorous illustrated book will include Christian cliches, games and a lot more.

  • Abel Undercity

    Is that skinny white guy flashing a gang sign? Or some desperate-to-be-hip Christian variation thereof?

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      “Just like Gang Signs, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”?
      Well, many years ago there was this music video titled “White Chicks with Gang Signs”, about a “Whigga” trend in photos & YouTube videos. Shows how KEWL you are, and fails epically.

  • elizabeth

    these made me giggle!!!!

  • Michael Mock

    LOVED the Easter egg one… but -ahem- I have to say, on that last one my brain did not immediately leap to the topic of millinery…

  • damanoid

    Jesus Cat died nine times for your sins.

    • Michael Pullmann

      I can haz salvation?

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Actually, I’m pretty sympathetic towards church signs. Think about it; you have to come up with a new Twitter-length one-liner every week; after a while you run out of the good ones, start getting punchy, and Weirdness ensues,