You’re SENDING your love gifts!

 

In the neighborhood

 

A couple of days ago, I invited you to “Send Your Love Gifts!” so that I can buy a winter home in a particular landscape near St. George, Utah.

 

Almost immediately, as my wife prophesied, a small handful of my ever-predictable critics began to huff and puff about my greed, affecting indignation at the way I manipulate my brain-dead followers in order to achieve my selfish ambitions.  If pressed, they say, I’ll pretend that it was just a joke.

 

Well of course it’s not a joke!  I really would like to have such a place to go to on long weekends and in the winter, where I could read and write amidst stunning and magnificent splendor.

 

And, what’s more, I see signs that it’s about to become a reality:

 

Last night, the leadership of my high priests group paid me a visit, owing to my recent birthday, and one of them, answering the call of my blog entry, handed me a dollar bill.  Moreover, I’m reliably informed that another dollar has somehow been contributed via PayPal, and that a third one is on its way by snail mail.

 

Consider the significance of this:

 

Just twenty-four hours ago, the ratio of what I had in hand (in order to purchase my southern Utah dream home) to what I actually need (to buy it) — think of the former as the numerator of a fraction, and of the latter as the fraction’s denominator — was zero dollars to, say, three million.  (The sum may not actually be quite that high.)  The ratio was, in other words, essentially infinite against me.  Last night, though, it  became one to three million.  A vast improvement.  And when those other two dollars are actually in my hand, the ratio will drop to only one over one million.  Thus, plainly , if things continue to accelerate at the current pace, I’ll soon have the required money in my bank account and will be ready to make an offer on my winter dream home.

 

Since things are happening so rapidly, I want to take the occasion now to thank all those who are making this possible.

 

 

  • https://mormonscriptureexplorations.wordpress.com/ William Hamblin

    Don’t expect any money from me! You’ve already used this con on me five times!

    • danpeterson

      Isn’t there a chapter on you in the Kitab al-Bukhala‘ (the Book of Misers), by al-Jahiz?

  • Ryan

    This reminds me of that guy who had a paper clip and began by trading it up for something of slightly more value (like a pen), and then he repeated this process until he ended up with a house or something.

    I like to imagine him going to Hell.

  • Ryan

    …not that I would like to imagine *you* going to Hell, but if your plan actually worked, then, well, yes, I would like to imagine you going to Hell.

    • danpeterson

      J. Golden Kimball is reputed to have said that, if he owned both St. George and Hell, he would live in Hell and rent St. George out.

      But that was before air conditioning.

      I would live in St. George, and — as a gesture of undeserved generosity to them — provide free housing in Hell for my critics.

  • JohnH

    Lots of blogs have a paypal tip jar; setting one up might increase the number of dollars received.

  • http://ronv.net Ron V.

    I think I’m gonna sue. Is there an ambulance chaser somewhere that can get me some money from losing my breath laughing so hard?


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