The color purple: prose (and cons) from the Bulwer-Lytton prize

Well, this one didn’t nab the top prize, but it should have:

“As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue.”

The top winner, meantime, is the handiwork of Prof. Sue Fondrie, from the University of Wisconsin, who contributed this piece of deathless prose:

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”

And finally, for a Catholic twist, there’s this Dishonorable Mention, in the category of Vile Puns:

“Convinced that the fabled Lost Treasure of Eggsbury was concealed within the statue of the beloved Sister Mary Francis in the village square, Professor Smithee would steal away in the darkest hour of each night to try to silently chip away at her impervious granite vestments – a vain and fruitless nightly exercise, he well knew, but it was a hard habit to break.”

Check out the other hilarious honorees.


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