Confessions of a Closet Christian: Why Does God Feel Like A Product I Have To Sell?

When I invite someone to church, I get uncomfortable.  In fact, the word “invite” needs to be interpreted loosely.  I rarely have the courage to ask somebody to go to church with me.

I’d rather throw up my breakfast. – eggs and all.

Most of the time, I don’t even really invite them.  I merely mention my church one too many times and they ask if they can come check it out.

This has got to be the work of the Holy Spirit – because Lord knows it’s not due to my own words or efforts.

And the Holy Spirit must highlight the word “church” as it comes out of my mouth and into the other person’s ears, because despite my poor ownership of the fact that I love going, they invite themselves.  (And who am I to block someone from the road that leads to eternal glory?)

So we go.

Even after they invite themselves, I’m often so selfish that I try to think of a way to wiggle out of our “church date”.  I even sometimes silently hope that they forgot that we made the date to begin with, as if I had invited them to come to a class that nobody actually attends.

But they show up and we sit… and I stress out.

Instead of throwing around my barista expertise and sound trendy, I’m left with the  option of throwing around words like “holy” and “righteous”, but instead of sounding like a chill surfer-dude, I’m afraid that I’d come off as a pious virgin.

Why do I feel so embarrassed by God’s house?  By my Dad’s house?

I’m afraid of who might come up and talk to us, like I would be afraid of who might talk to my boyfriend at a holiday dinner party. Are they going to tell my friend about me as a little girl, picking my nose in Sunday School?  These are my brothers and sisters in Christ, after all.

As the service progresses, I sit quietly.  I sing quietly.  I imagine all sorts of scenarios of what could go perfectly right or perfectly wrong during our church date.

Watching my friend out of the corner of my eye, I wonder, “Are they buying this?  Do they actually buy anything being said up there?”

And then it hits me.

A relationship with God isn’t something you can buy.  We can’t earn it.

And my job isn’t’ to sell it.

In fact, it really has nothing to do with me at all.

It has everything to do with Jesus Christ – what He did and what He wants to do in each of our lives.

And He can do AMAZING things!!

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About Jefferson Drexler

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