This debate marks the beginning of the end for most candidates on tonight’s stage. Voting is about to begin and the field will be at four by the end of February.
Starting at 8 God’s time, Houston to the losers elsewhere, I will live blog the debate as the cranky old Muppet at the back of the theater. This exercise in “philosopher meets politicians” is unedited and according to my Mom “uproarious fun.”
At this point in the process, we have given up on finding the next Reagan and are just hoping for an improved Chet Arthur.
Tonight there is the junior debate for those whom fame outran so the name died before the man. I shan’t make the mistake of naming them lest they believe they are still viable.
Tonight’s debaters include those about to die for whom this is the beginning of the end and those for whom this is the beginning of history. One of these men will make history. The rest will be made by history.
This post is only lightly edited. Pardon errors.
The National Anthem was sung by a somebody’s daughter. Please call Randy and Kate Gremillion.
Tonight we will see if the master of the quip Donald Trump can fend off the master debater Ted Cruz. John Kasich will be remind us that his Dad was a mailman. Chris Christie will be forceful. Jeb Bush will be avuncular and we will pity him. Dr. Carson will show America that raw intelligence is not what makes a good president . . . or we would all like Woodrow Wilson. Marco Rubio will be swell: so wholesome our teeth will ache.
Candidates who go over the allotted time will die.
We discover that like 1800 jobs are an issue.
Is the economy in decline?
Cruz notes our Iranian captives, though evidently sending them back to us is not enough. Cruz says the economy is not good. Shock. “Working men and women.” He says we should “fight for the working men and women.”
The stock market is as far as down as Kasich’s mouth. Kasich hits many ideas and is actually forming an argument. He is a perfect VP candidate: obviously qualified to be President and bringing home a key state Ohio.
Christie gets a question about the “world on fire.” Christie watched “story time with . . . Obama.” Christie looks good, like a dissipated Howard Taft. Christie will keep his word. Is this like his view on guns? Or marriage?
Jeb Bush stumbles along and then reminds us that HRC might end up shuttling between the White House and the Court House. Good line . . . about days too late.
Meanwhile, Marco Rubio is Bush with personality.
Carson manages to parody himself on Saturday Night Live . . .reminding us he might have to be awakened. He then says things. Some of those things relate to the question.
Trump: we are not talking about fear but reality. He does a gun control shout out. He calls migration a Trojan Horse. He is better than he was in the first debate. Concise.
Cruz on a loans. This is a blow. Takes on the New York Times. He calls it a “hit piece.” He explains his loan to himself. He did a good job with this answer . . . though he always makes me feel like he is about to sell me a car.
Up to this moment in the debate, we have a genial Rubio, a Kasich auditioning for Vice President, Trump laughing at the children around him, Bush so personality free that if he disappeared the cumulative charisma of the USA would increase, Ben Carson who is auditioning to play himself on Saturday Night Live, and Christie who puts the blow in bloviate.
If anyone else is in this debate, I missed them like the rest of the nation.
For those discouraged by this debate, remind yourself that Chet Arthur, who had never held an actual office of importance, was put on the ticket with the saintly James Garfield. This great Garfield was murdered and so (as one Republican said); “by God, Chet Arthur is President.” He turned out to be quite excellent. He pushed civil service reform.
There is always hope.
Cruz just hit Trump hard on the “birth issue.” Cruz is very eloquent here. He says Donald Trump would be disqualified. Cruz was awesome on this answer.
Trump “likes the pole.” This is a cool customer. “I am beating you.” Trump is entertaining and calm in the face of a challenge. “Get a declarative judgment.”
Well, this is weird. “There is a big question mark on your head.”
“I am not going to take legal advice from Donald Trump.” says Donald Cruz.
This Cruz and Trump exchange is weird.
Rubio just scored with a “Court TV” reference. “Let’s get back to what the election is about.” It may not be fair, but Rubio gets to be the hopeful guy. Rubio won that round.
Trump gives a shout out to Governor Haley. Trump is “angry.” He is happy to be “angry,” because the country is in trouble. I am telling you now he is clear. Someone will say “fourth grade level” of communication as if this is bad, but I say: being able to say complex things in simple terms is what CS Lewis called genius.
Rubio keeps his eyes on the prize. He takes on Christie over Planned Parenthood. “We need to get this election right. . . ”
Christie takes on Rubio. Somebody is lying. Maybe everyone. Boring. In the middle of a long rant, Christie manages to take the high ground. As a result, Christie takes the high ground.
Jeb Bush raises some heck.
Jeb Bush is so precious. I love him. I want him to be happy. He is so sad. I want to give him the nomination just so he will not cry, but this is perhaps not a good reason to pick a commander in chief.
We discuss Bernie Sanders. Kasich nails it. John Kasich is an irritating person, but he actually is right. He cares about the working person. I like this John Kasich. I am pausing: is it bad to be irritating, but smart and right? John Kasich is effective and right, but he is the most crabby person this side Mr. Crabbs on Sponge Bob.
Dr. Carson on “sexual harassment.” Do we have standards? Can Ben Carson get to a point without causing me to begin to think about the Packers game? Dr. Carson will be our home room President.
Dear Person who will not vote for Trump: Chet Arthur.
At the half: Trump is improved. Rubio is nice, but hasn’t said anything new. Cruz has been masterful. Bush may exist, but only in the Cartesian sense. Christie is running for avuncular uncle at the holidays. Carson is well on his way to self-parody. Kasich has won the VP nomination by making a lot of sense while being crabby. He is the Bob Dole of this race.
On guns:
For those reading, I just bought an Internet gun with a background check.
Jeb Bush talks about “background checks” in a way that causes me to forget that we are talking about guns and think we are talking about oatmeal. Jeb Bush for best friend.
I hate executive orders.
Trump says platitudes about guns. Blah. Blah. Blah. His worst answer.
Rubio answers the gun question . . . by saying that guns are not an option, but a constitutional right. Rubio: I love you. Rubio is Cruz without anger and Christie without a bad BMI.
Rubio is winning this debate.
Neil Cavuto has a suit that only a mafia boss could love.
Christie says something extreme about Obama. If Obama is a dictator, then the people of Sudan are asking for our dictator.
Christie says that “we will kick your rear end out of the White House.” If I were in fifth grade, I would be happy.
Cruz is looking like a heavy weight. Gun owners of America endorse him. This is a good moment.
Cruz on New York values. He is funny. The values of in NYC “pro gay marriage” and “pro abortion” and . . . Cruz owns this.
“Not a lot of conservatives come out of Manhattan.”
Trump on NY values, He does very well here. He talks about 9/11. The “smell of death” line reminds me why I want to love on the Kings College for being in New York City. Every moment I have spent in NYC has been illuminating and good. Well done Mr. Trump.
Jeb Bush speaks about the “strength of the military.” Jeb is right about this. Listen. I know it is hard. I know that Jeb is like oatmeal, I know that sometimes he speaks in memes, spurting out of him under pressure . . . but we need a bigger navy. This is far and away Jeb’s best debate.
Kasich wants to continue of “fracking” and takes on the House of Saud. I am liking this John Kasich. He is qualified and competent. This is his best debate. His calm and lacks crabbiness. By all that is Holy, he has not mentioned his mail delivery Dad. Kasich boomlet?
Kasich fit to lead and Christie fit to feed.
Lindsey Graham is there as a loser. And now we are asked a question about his views. . . and Carson says . . . that Obama. . . we should do more. . . caliphate. . . . he has read Evangelical books by people who know nothing . . . and we take oil . . .and we meander to sleep. Sweet sleep.\
That may have been the single most vacuous answer in the history of debates.
Assad (the only person not to kill religious minorities):
Christie: get rid of Assad. He has no idea what the alternative is. He is pompous wind bag. Christians will die if this man is President.
Trump: “No.” Best answer ever. “We have a serious problem.”
Bush: “I hope you reconsider this. . . ” Bush talks about serious coalitions. If you did not have to say anything you were saying, then Bush is awesome.
Donald Trump: “I want security.”
OK.
“Police are the most mistreated. . . ” except poor people?
This is the key moment of the debate.
Kasich for a “pause” on refugees. His explanation is lucid and I like it.
Christie for a “no refugees of any kind.” Why? Could no be vetted. We now get “former federal prosecutor” talk. This is blather.
Rubio: takes on President. Where has he been? Why don’t we hear from him more?
Cruz: I am not an apologist for terrorism. A good idea. He then says something about five our so people. Whatever.
Carson: substantial problem. We can solve it by “common sense.” This is the worst answer in the history of bad answers. Get a blue ribbon panel is every politician’s answer to questions they hope to not answer.
Bush: he makes sense. He says good things.
Trump on tariff.
“NYT is always wrong.” Fair enough Mr. Trump. Trump gets North Korea at least. North Korea is a Chinese puppet state.
But do you have shirts made in China Mr. Trump? That question is coming. . .
Tariffs. This is 1896. Awesome.
Trump is hot on “free trade.” He is right that we should force China to be fair.
Kasich and Trump are standing up for the working person. This is good.
Rubio: make our economy stronger. No tariff. Get load off companies. Stop bad regulation. Obamacare. Rubio has the case for “free trade.”
Trump argues for immediate action. Bush talks about free trade and a “steady hand.”
Bush and Donald scrap.
Cruz says we are “being hammered.” Cruz agrees with everyone. If I did not want to punch him, I might vote for him.
Cruz fans: what can you do to reduce his nasal whine? Please. Please. Make him stop.
Jeb Bush: so safe, so sane, so sound. And if I could stay awake when you spoke I would vote for you.
“Structurally deficient” is a good description of Chris Christie.
Ben Carson loves his mother. I love his mother. We all love his mother. We have no idea what he means.
Trump talks about “corporate inversion.” This is a problem. We should fix the problem. How?
Rubio: attacks Europe. Sigh. Do not “blind fold the people.” This is a good line. He points out that a “sales tax” is bad for seniors. This is true. Go Rubio.
Cruz: “business flat tax is not a Vat.”
Cruz and Rubio are not winning, but they hate each other more than Trump who is winning. Is this a Cuban thing?
Cruz and Rubio go back and forth. Cruz does a big “sting,” but Rubio strikes back with facts. This is nice. Rubio wins this round.
Chris Christie is a jerk. Is there a bipartisan consensus here? Chris Christie is Wi-Fi that appears to be there, but then asks isn’t. If Chris Christie wore the sorting hat, it would be stuck on Slytherin forever.
Jeb Bush believes that for every drop of rain a flower grow. Chris Christie eats the flowers.He
Trump is “proud of his company.” Trump wants to make America rich again. He is going to turn the company over to his kids. He is really appealing tonight.
Chris Christie is asked about police. Blah. Blah. Red meat.
Kasich is a good guy. He is dealing with racism and community problems. I like this answer. He is right. He is trying to do bi-partisan things to heal our nation. Christie bloviates and Kasich governs.
Rubio on immigration: he says the situation has changed. This makes sense.
Cruz calls Rubio a “gang of Eight” guy. He scores. I don’t like him for scoring, but he scores. Gah! Stop being right and irritating!
Rubio responds: lays down the law. Rubio just punched Cruz hard.
The Cool Kid takes on the Nasal Kid. Stop Ted. You might win on points, but you are losing regular people. Nobody likes the whine of the mosquito.
Bush says jolly things. What a fine fellow he is. He is comprehensively nice. Jeb Bush confuses a paragraph with a sentence fragment. He keeps giving us a fragment in search of an idea. We need expertise. I would like Jeb to be my best friend. He is Teddy Ruxpin, dear meaningless Teddy.
And now the party of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Roosevelt, Coolidge, and Reagan gives us closing statements:
Kasich: mailman father. Voice to the people. OK. Thank you for auditioning for VP.
Bush: “results count.” Florida. Income. Growth. Detailed Plans. Oatmeal is healthy. Beige goes with every color.
Christie: “folks,” we know “country is not respected,” and . . . he loves the country. We are exceptional. Sadly, he is not. Chris Christie seems to think he is Christ and is unfortunately Chris Christie.
Dr. Ben Carson: He said things. They were things that he said. “We the people.” Truth. Honesty. Except for my book.
Rubio: “our rights come from God.” Liberty. American miracle. This country is changing. We elected a President who wants to “change” America; free markets and free men. HRC will be worse than BHO. Blah, but safe.
Cruz; 13 hours. He gives a shout out to a movie. Michael Bay rejoices. Cruz hates “political correctness.” He will end all evil. We will all be safe.
Trump: 75 construction workers. Tears. Humiliation of sailors. Clean. “Terrible sight.” No more “stupid deals.” We will “win on everything we do.” Utopia!!!!
Good debate.
Winners?
We all won by a smaller debate. We would all win by the next debate being: Rubio, Cruz, Trump, and Kasich (winners).
The rest have no reason to run. Carson failed his test in the center stage. Christie has alienated most Republicans. Bush has the support of his mother and few others.
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