Evangelicals, Mormons, and Orthodoxy: The Glossary!

Just last week I had an enjoyable interview with a reporter from World Magazine regarding evangelicalism, the LDS church, and theological confusion.  While pleasant, for a longtime Evangelical for Mitt, the conversation felt just a bit repetitive.  After I hung up the phone, I had a sudden flash of insight: amidst all the questions regarding Mormonism, evangelicalism, and Christianity, we’ve never defined our terms.  We have no glossary!  The lawyer in me rebels.  So, without further ado, let’s define our terms:

Orthodox, creedal Christianity:  The Presbyterian Church in America.

Less-orthodox Christianity:  Baptists.

Not orthodox Christianity:  Mormons.

Megachurch Christianity:

Recently re-admitted to Christianity: Catholics

Emergent Christianity:









Somewhat orthodox Christianity:  The Orthodox Church.

Atheists: Episcopalians.

Calvinists:  The elect.

Arminians:  The elect.












Now let’s answer some questions!

Are Mormons Christians?  Which Mormons?

Are Presbyterians Christians?  Which Presbyterians?

Coward.  Who’s saved?  These people.

For those of you grateful to me for answering the great questions of our time, you’re very welcome.  But I’m far from finished . . . Tune in next week when I define Islam!

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  • http://www.kevinbywater.com Kevin James Bywater

    Funny, but also so cynical, David. I know you can do better. You and your wife did in your book.

  • http://www.kevinbywater.com Kevin James Bywater

    Aren’t Christians Mormons too?

  • GotMullet

    Me thinks the mere definition of whether something is or is not orthodox is only defined by men. I just know that Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

  • David French

    Kevin, I was aiming for both :)

  • Liz

    The “New International” version? Yeah, like I’d trust that. Might be like going to the church of what’s happening now.

    I’ll take the old book over the newfangled versions anytime.

  • Hemant Mehta

    I’m an atheist. I laughed :)

  • http://www.kevinbywater.com Kevin James Bywater

    “Headline: The Mormon Church Attacks Christian Churches”


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  • JLFuller

    That video scared me to death. My properly dressed Mormon congregation would be heading for the exits at a well paced gallop.

  • David French

    You have no idea how close that is to the actual megachurch experience!

  • Jonathan Szish

    The megachurch parody you shared made my day! It is so true!

  • Fern

    Thanks for your comment, it made me laugh, too. :)