Rantings- One Mother’s Way Out

It’s rather bizarre how most of the thoughts that run through my head these days are like a rant. A long-winded rant. A rant that ranges from my latest obsession with schooling options, to philosophical thoughts about motherhood and sacrifice, to aging parents, and finally around to getting some brown colored shoes. What’s wrong with me? Why have I become so incoherent – in my own thoughts?! I feel the onset of dementia sometimes.

It’s no doubt, motherhood has made me a worrywart, about everything. And so my thoughts run wild. The long days at home with two young children who need constant attention, my only “adult” interaction is my own thoughts. And what I’ve now come to understand is: your own thoughts can be your worst enemy. It can eat you up inside with self-doubt, needless worrying, and discontent among other things.

And so I actively have to remind myself to say “alhamdulillah” for everything. Alhamdulillah for the home, alhamdulillah for these healthy children, alhamdulillah for an understanding husband, and the list can be endless.

So much of a mother’s time is in giving to everyone and everything around her, there’s very little time to take care of herself. But there’s much needed nourishment that she needs. We know this nourishment to be the Qur’an and our salah. But need we go into the impossibility of sitting down with a book for more than 5 minutes or trying to concentrate in your salah with squabbling children nearby? So I’ve had to improvise and I’m not sure I have the best solutions for this.

I stick to the simple and basic now – try to get in half a page of Qur’an reading, read one page from an inspirational Islamic book (the type of book that you can read a one-liner and feel uplifted because you’re ten seconds away from a child-ticking bomb!), and saying alhamdulillah out loud. That’s the best I’ve come up with. If I looked at this list when I was in college, I would cry out loud “How pathetically dismal!” But I have a new lens now and the lesson I’ve learned is not to underestimate even the smallest of actions. Maybe with the right intention, it can have big results for this stay at home mom. InshaAllah. In the meantime, I’ll try not to rant so much.

Fariha Khan

Fariha Khan is a mom of two and lives in Maryland. She loves taking the kiddies outside, reading when she can, and spending time with family.

About Marwa Aly
  • Fatima

    I really appreciate the plan you set for yourself. One page of an inspiring book. wow. that’s what i need to add. what inspiring books are you reading?

  • Sumayah

    ” ….. your own thoughts can be your worst enemy. It can eat you up inside with self-doubt, needless worrying, and discontent among other things.” This so true-AlHumdulilah- liked the way you worked on silencing those thoughts.

    I think that it takes some of us longer than others to put on those “mommy lens” and then when we do somehow things don’t seem so bad after all. Very nice, Fariha. JAK

  • Yumna

    “..lesson I’ve learned is not to underestimate even the smallest of actions.” SubhanAllah.

    That’s the difference between Muslim mothers and other mothers. We know that even our smallest actions are being watched and recorded. They will not go unrecognized. What a blessing.

  • Hagar

    Rant your heart out, sister. I understand.

  • Khadeejah

    What inspiring books are you reading?

  • Maha

    It took me a long time to get used to the “mommy lens” and almost four years later, I still feel that I am adjusting! And I totally agree that being at home all day with nothing but your own thoughts can drive you a little nutty and put things waaaay out of perspective!!

    I like your small steps for sanity, Fariha. :) Insha’allah I will try to remember them when I am obsessing too. :)

  • Fariha

    assalamu alaikum dear Sisters,

    thank you for your comments (it’s good to know I’m not going crazy!)

    one of the best books I’ve found (alhamdulillah alhamdulillah) is a small book called “Preparing for the Day of Judgement” by Imam Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani; S. M. Hasan al-Banna (translator). You can get it off of islamicbookstore.com

    Each chapter corresponds to the amount of advice given, so, Chapter one is ‘Counsel in ones’ and it has one amazing hadith/narration/quote. And each subsequent chapter continues this way. This book is a gem, truly.

  • hanan

    Asalaamu alaikum…I will check out “Preparing for the Day of Judgement”. My daughter is homeschooled and always on the lookout for a new book for Islamic studies… I found it online… http://www.scribd.com/doc/3358744/Preparing-of-the-Day-of-Judgement-Ibn-Hajr-Al-Atsqalani …’Footsteps of the Prophet’ is a really good one by Tariq Ramadan. ‘Losing My Religion’ by Jeffrey Lang is really good. ‘In the Early Hours’ and ‘Rising Soul’ are both MAS publications I believe and very good. I find that reading the Quran in Arabic every night…even one or 2 ayat seems to make a profound difference in my life. I don’t mean I have this warm fuzzy, spiritual awakening type of a thing. It is more basic that that. I find that there is a more measured rhythm to my thoughts. The small events in my day seem to have a cadence that wasn’t there before. It is almost mathematical or magnetic. It is like a code that was previously random and nonsensicle is now making complete sense and is the underlying beat in my day. I have no control over it. It is just ‘there’. It is like a wave that I can suddenly ‘ride’ like a surfer. It has made me understand the power of the Arabic word as ‘action’ and not just ‘speech’.

    Wow, I re-rad my post …that sounds crazy right? Allahu alim…

    Wa salaam :)