Rantings- One Mother’s Way Out

It’s rather bizarre how most of the thoughts that run through my head these days are like a rant. A long-winded rant. A rant that ranges from my latest obsession with schooling options, to philosophical thoughts about motherhood and sacrifice, to aging parents, and finally around to getting some brown colored shoes. What’s wrong with me? Why have I become so incoherent – in my own thoughts?! I feel the onset of dementia sometimes.

It’s no doubt, motherhood has made me a worrywart, about everything. And so my thoughts run wild. The long days at home with two young children who need constant attention, my only “adult” interaction is my own thoughts. And what I’ve now come to understand is: your own thoughts can be your worst enemy. It can eat you up inside with self-doubt, needless worrying, and discontent among other things.

And so I actively have to remind myself to say “alhamdulillah” for everything. Alhamdulillah for the home, alhamdulillah for these healthy children, alhamdulillah for an understanding husband, and the list can be endless.

So much of a mother’s time is in giving to everyone and everything around her, there’s very little time to take care of herself. But there’s much needed nourishment that she needs. We know this nourishment to be the Qur’an and our salah. But need we go into the impossibility of sitting down with a book for more than 5 minutes or trying to concentrate in your salah with squabbling children nearby? So I’ve had to improvise and I’m not sure I have the best solutions for this.

I stick to the simple and basic now – try to get in half a page of Qur’an reading, read one page from an inspirational Islamic book (the type of book that you can read a one-liner and feel uplifted because you’re ten seconds away from a child-ticking bomb!), and saying alhamdulillah out loud. That’s the best I’ve come up with. If I looked at this list when I was in college, I would cry out loud “How pathetically dismal!” But I have a new lens now and the lesson I’ve learned is not to underestimate even the smallest of actions. Maybe with the right intention, it can have big results for this stay at home mom. InshaAllah. In the meantime, I’ll try not to rant so much.

Fariha Khan

Fariha Khan is a mom of two and lives in Maryland. She loves taking the kiddies outside, reading when she can, and spending time with family.

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