Hijab And Struggles Of Pleasing Society

Hijab is my physical expression of my connection and commitment to God.

”Verily, men who surrender unto God, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey and women who obey, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth…and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember God much and women who remember – God hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward.” -Holy Qur’an, Chapter 33 (The Confederates), Verses 33-35

It starts at home

Born and raised in Dearborn, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit and home to the largest, concentrated population of Arabs and Muslims in the U.S., Islam was always around us. The eldest of four children, my siblings (one brother and two sisters) and I are very close knit.

Our family life and home was very stable, loving, and healthy. I attribute a great deal of that due to the moral compass of my parents and their commitment to faith and God. They put their time, love, and effort into raising us to be good, global citizens. I am forever grateful for the lessons they taught and moral compass instilled in us.

A part of our upbringing

The religion of Islam was always a part of our upbringing. From religion classes on the weekends to Arabic classes after school four days a week; our culture and faith were an integral aspect of our upbringing. Modesty and ethics were not just about clothing, but about your faith, self-respect, and the way you communicate with and care for others.

My Choice, Alone

I have been wearing hijab (head scarf) since 1986. It has been a blessed 32 years. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The choice to wear hijab was mine, and mine alone.

While traveling, I am approached by people wanting to ask questions about hijab. Whether at speaking engagements, events, or while airborne, I try my best to make myself approachable when I see random people checking me out or curiously observing my presence. You get used to it.

Chicago Train Inquisition

Before I moved, on my way to Chicago, a woman sat near me and was looking at me. As I worked on my laptop, I noticed her staring and looked up to smile. Ding! A smile broke the ice.

Random woman: “Can I ask you something? (I smiled and nodded.) How long have you worn that burka (cultural attire that covers the entire body and face) on your head?”

Me: Thank you for your question. For clarification, this is not a burka. A burka is a cultural form of covering in Afghanistan that was imposed upon women by the Taliban (an extremist group). A burka is not required Islamic attire. What I am wearing is called hijab, a headscarf. I cover my hair and neck and my clothing covers me from my wrist to ankle.”

Random woman: “Did your parents force you to wear it? You live in America now, so you are free to take it off, aren’t you? I don’t get it, you are very pretty, so why would you want to cover yourself up?”

Me: “I am an American, born and raised in Michigan. Whether from here or elsewhere, hijab is a decision one makes; a commitment to yourself and God, as a Catholic Nun would make. I have always been free to make the choices best suited for my life. No one forced hijab on me. Just as I make the choice to dress modestly, you have the choice to dress the way you wish. I want to be seen for the core of who I am, not recognized for my hair, curves, and cleavage.”

Random woman: “That’s a good way to put it. Though, don’t you get hot? I just can’t imagine being so…you know…covered up. Don’t you want to let loose and let your hair flow in the wind or go to the beach?”

Me: “Hell is hotter than this summer heat. (We both laugh) As you cannot imagine being so covered up, I cannot imagine flaunting my body to random people. I go to the beach and let my hair down; I simply do it privately.”

Random woman: “I respect that and appreciate you not being angry with my questions. I’m sorry if I was ignorant or rude with my question.”

Me: (As we are gathering our bags to depart) “I appreciate you asking and being honest. There is nothing ignorant when you are seeking knowledge. When you ask with sincerity, you will receive the same. Don’t be shy to ask questions to understand something you don’t know. I hope you enjoy your travels.”

A Proud Hijabi

I chose to wear hijab and believe that it is asked of us, both men and women, to be modest in clothing, manners, and interactions. Never once have I questioned my choice, nor have I thought to remove it, even though Muslims have faced global adversity.

This is who I am. I will not change to appease people.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! God is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their chests, and not to reveal their adornment.” -Holy Quran, Chapter 24 (The Light), Verse 30

Flag Bearer of Faith

Proudly, I am a flag bearer of my faith in hijab. I am honored to be a “visible” Muslim. I refuse to allow the opinions of others to impact my desire to wear it or believe and practice my faith. No one ever paid their bills with opinions, right?

As an ambassador of my faith, I take that honor with the utmost significance. Each day, I try to be conscious of my appearance, mannerisms, and actions. I struggle, though I do my best to stay mindful and focused.

In this world of chaos and instability, I waver, we all do, though I work hard to get back onto the right track.

Living in today’s society can be a struggle. The temptation of this material world can be overpowering. Maintaining focus on God and building for my akhira (afterlife) has been of the utmost importance to me, especially over the last 5 years.

I have realized that since I am in the Arab world, I should not expect that societal issues do not impact communities here. I see the same struggle with young women in hijab in Lebanon. The same issues in the west, are here in the east. Consciously, I watch young women try and find the balance between these worlds and it hurts to watch, at times.

You don’t have to compromise your faith for society

Too often I meet young women in hijab who share they feel compelled to wear it because of their family or need to conform to what others expect. They are cognizant that they do not properly wear or are in a state of hijab.

Life is hard and that tight rope we walk is a fine line between your western life and your faith traditions. It is not easy and I am far from a perfect image of proper hijab. There have been countless mistakes I have made.

Personally, Islam comes first for me. I don’t give up and work, tirelessly, to stay on a more righteous path. It is indeed a struggle and that jihad (struggle) of nafs (the self) is real.

People note what you wear

I feel that wearing hijab inappropriately (thigh high stiletto boots, neck and chest bare, cleavage visible) completely takes away from the purpose of hijab. Hijab is not a fashion statement, but a faith statement.

Both my sisters wore hijab at a young age. They both took it off at 17 years old. One, Samira, returned to wearing hijab ten years later, which was during our filming of ‘All-American Muslim’ on TLC, and the other, Shadia, still does not.

They made their decisions despite family and community backlash. They wanted to make choices for their lives that may not be conducive to wearing hijab. I respected their consciousness. They did not want others placing judgment on hijabis or labeling them.

A word of advice

My dearest of sisters who are struggling, don’t compromise your relationship with God for your relationship with society. It is not worth it.

Be conscious of your haya (modesty). God knows what is in your hearts and knows your intentions. Be focused on Him. The road will get easier when you put God at the forefront.

Fashionable Modesty

Modesty and fashion can be intertwined and attractive. I love watching my dear friends, Heba, Farah and Mariam Jalloul and Melanie El Turk of Haute Hijab show the beauty in modest clothing and hijab. They have climbed the ladder of success and opportunity in an industry that even Nike and Macy’s wants to be a part of.

(photos used with permission of Heba Jalloul)

Hijab doesn’t stop your success

Young women, especially those with platforms and countless followers, feel pressured to compromise their faith to please society. These are honest conversations I have had with young women in the west who are starting their careers. They struggle to appease both audiences.

That struggle will continue with the way society continues to change. It is not getting any better.

Yes, yes, it’s not our place to judge.

As women in hijab we ARE representatives of our faith. May we be guided to show the truth of Islam and put our best foot forward. Whether we like it or not, for the visibly Muslim, the world IS watching.

People who know nothing of hijab and Muslim women will pass judgment when they see extreme contrasts.

I ask that God grant us opportunities to make that impression a good one.

On a personal level

Wearing hijab has never hindered my ability to achieve goals, find opportunity, or accomplish endeavors. I have traveled the world, worked with global governments and initiatives, and advanced my career. Though I have faced discrimination, I still am able to achieve my goals without compromising my faith.

Hijab and Islam gives me the courage to stand in the face of adversity, proudly pushing back against ignorance and injustice, as an Ambassador of Islam.

The Hijab is so much more than a piece of cloth or a modest demeanor; it is a part of the essence of our akhlaq (character or morals). I try to keep that in my line of sight at all times.

Superheroes

Women in hijab have faced so much hardship in a global society that emboldens hate. I ask God to shower these superheroes with blessings. Stay strong and patient.

The world has some ugly places and we are all tested in different ways. My heart aches for those who suffer at the hands of ignorance. I pray those with darkened hearts are freed from hate and unawareness.

My superpower

Hijab is my superpower. It uplifts, empowers, and emboldens. To me, hijab is an integral aspect of my being. I feel blessed to wear it. It’s odd how discrimination towards Muslims has made me more proud to follow Islam and wear my hijab.

Focused on a Greater Power

Pray for the world

I continue to pray for those who feel lost and are unsure of their position in the world. I pray for our sisters who suffer at the hands of ignorance and discrimination, as hate is unbound and in abundance across the globe. May God reward your efforts and keep you safe and far from harm.

Stay focused

Stay focused on pleasing the Creator and not the creation. Be conscious of your actions, words, and behaviors. At the end of the day, it is all Gods will and our destiny is written for us. Remember that you are not alone; He is always with you.

Alhamdulillah (praise be to God), my faith is strong and I know that Allah (God, in the Arabic language) will always cloak me in His protection and love. May He keep us all guided and in a strong state of taqqwa (God consciousness), akhlaq, and haya.