“Let’s Rock This, Bro!”

Waiting anxiously at the starting line, Ezra turned to hive five Zach.  Then, with a gleam in his eye and the optimism of eight-year-olds, he said in his best Superbowl locker room voice, “Let’s rock this, bro!”

The boys competed in their first duathlon yesterday.  They were skipping Sunday school.  I was not, so I missed the big event. Andy took them, and when she told me what Ezra said, I could picture it perfectly.

I could picture it because I’ve seen it countless times before.  One-on-one, the boys can be quite brutal to one another. But out in the world, it’s the Barneson boys against all comers. “Let’s rock this” is a frequent refrain.

In the book Nurture Shock, which I wrote about awhile back, there is a chapter on sibling rivalry.  The big-take away was that the best predictor of whether or not siblings would have a close relationship as adults was not how much they fought as children.  (Whew!) The biggest predictor was how often and well they played together.

What?  Aren’t those essentially the same things?

Not according to the book.  The authors contend that all sibling fight.  On average, they write, ten minutes out of every hour is spent in some kind of negativity or conflict. Parents shouldn’t worry as much about the ten minutes as what’s happening the rest of the time.  They should focus their efforts on helping kids find ways to enjoy each other’s company: play together, find activities they all want to do, and find ways to communicate that facilitate playing together.

The women I was reading the book with thought that I might be discouraged by the book, given how much the boys fight.  After all, it was not long ago that I was bemoaning just how awful they are to one another.  But I wasn’t discouraged at all.  Instead, I focused on the part of the chapter that talked about how important it is for siblings to spend time enjoying each other’s company.  And if there is one thing my boys do – when they are not hurting each other, that is – it’s enjoy one another.

They stay up late scheming and giggling and orchestrating stuffed animal soccer matches. They cheer for each other in sports and when admiring each other’s artwork.  They high five each other in the car and while going to the bathroom.  They tell potty jokes that only they – and Andy and Eddie –  find funny.  They spend their money to buy the other one the missing BeyBlade in his collection.  They work on projects together for homeschool.  And occasionally, they spend hours playing in the backyard or in their room.

So lately, when they are fighting and making me crazy, I’ve switched strategies.  I encourage them to come up with a plan where they will both have fun.  If that doesn’t work, we go on a bike ride or a walk or take out the art supplies.

And as we are getting set up, I often high five them and shout, “Let’s rock this, brothers!”