Greetings from San Diego!

Howdy, all y’all! I’m writing from a computer high atop the glittering spires of the dazzling Catholic Answers Tower in downtown San Diego. The building I’m in is actually so tall that it is the last part of North America visible to ships sailing away from San Diego over the curvature of the earth. Paid for by Jimmy Akin’s personal fortune, it includes the latest in high-tech Catholic apologetics software and computing power, as well as a vast arsenal of sin-fighting equipment, bulletproof superhero costumes and extremely cool jet powered cars which Jimmy, Karl Keating, and other crack apologists use in their ongoing struggle with the forces of sin, hell, and death. This is a quest that Jimmy has been on ever since his fabulously wealthy parents were talked out of the Church by a two-bit hood in a back alley when Jimmy was a boy.

Yesterday, Karl showed me “the Van Helsing Lab” as he called it, where the latest demon-fighting technologies are being perfected. Their newest device is a halogen flashlight powered with rechargable “blessed” batteries. Lab tests have shown a 90% effectiveness rate on industrial strength vampires. I was bloody impressed!

Also, of course, there is the wonderful Catholic Answers blimp that floats majestically over the mooring station at the top of the tower, the fabulous Catholic Answers fleet of ships which lie at anchor off the mouth of the harbor, ever vigilant against the threat of invasion from Dutch Protestant New Zealand, and the popular Catholic Answers theme park rides on the 500 acre fairgrounds at the foot of the Tower, ever peopled by a joyous crowd of thousands of families, hailing from all over the planet (Karl sometimes disguises himself in his “Arnold the Aardvark Apologist” costume and mingles with the kids, handing out candy wrapped in authentic passages of the Summa. These “Indulgences” as they are called are extremely popular.

Anyway, I gotta go!