These Are Hard Times for Satirists

You try your best to be absurd in order to get a point across and then somebody comes along and repeats all your ridiculous humor in red-faced, spittle-flecked earnest:

“These findings do not sit well with all obese Americans. Advocacy groups formed to “end size discrimination” argue that it is possible to be healthy “at every size,” taking issue with the findings that obesity necessarily comes with added medical costs.”

Not that this concerns me anymore. Now that I have lost 75 pounds, I no longer demand that you affirm my Jolly Pride since I am now a Trans-Fatty who is undergoing Slender Identity Reassignment. Now the Church must embrace and fund that–or else. Non-fat chocolate milk and sugar free chocolates are health care and you must be forced to buy them for me or you are an intolerant bigot. End the Catholic war on Jolly and Trans-Fatty rights!

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  • Jolly Traitor!!! I’m sending my hoard of Pleasingly Plump flying monkeys to Occupy your fat jeans so that you can never again infiltrate our Gelatinous Ranks!!! Oh, and I shall sit here in my creaking desk chair and hurl venomous combox accusations against any attempt to deny that your so-called Slender Identity Reassignment is anything but a violent attack on my genetically programmed preference to be Jolly!!! You, sir, are a monster posing a former Jolly!!!

    I’ll be praying for you.

    Love, Fr. Philip Neri, OP

    P.S. !!!!

  • John C

    Not exactly on point, but: New book called “Childism”, by Elisabeth Young-Breuhl. Purpose of the book, says the author, is to create a new “subfield of Prejudice Studies” dealing, among other things, with parents’ attitudes toward their children. “When childism is prevalent in a society, ALL children are hurt, not just those clasified as ‘the abused'”. Racism, sexism . . . . . childism. The next big thing.

    • Andy, Bad Person

      Are you denying that there is a whole underclass of human beings (children) who are constantly being bossed around by another class (adults)? You know, the Nazis used to tell the Jews what to do, too.

      Parenting = Nazism.


    • Tim

      Wait… not only is there a field of study known as “Prejudice Studies”, there are also “subfields”?

  • anon

    There is actually a ‘Health At Every Size’ movement, aimed at reducing discrimination against and bullying of obese people. They take particular offense at promotion of the kind of “Biggest Loser” extreme dieting that can create more health problems than it solves. It’s interesting stuff.

  • I rarely to never post – but damn Shea, I am proud to witness you taking the steer by the horns and confronting yourself for the better. Few do and even less do so publicly. Takes a lot of guts and humility. But hey – you just lost a 4th grader! We now resume our regular programming…

  • Ted Seeber

    First you gotta get rid of the donuts after 10 am Mass….

  • Elaine S.

    “a Trans-Fatty undergoing Slender Identity Reassignment” — that comment alone made my day! Are you aspiring to become the Chaz Bono of the Jolly world?

  • Deacon Nathan Allen

    So, if someone undergoes bariatric surgery, would that be Slender Realignment Surgery?