My son Peter is in class with a young woman named “Shea”

I mean her first name. I have commanded him to propose marriage immediately, assuring her that he doesn’t have any feelings for her and will not be making any demands on her time and energy (which will naturally put any woman at ease), but that it is simply wrong for her not to have the name “Shea Shea”. She is in his theatre class, so I’m really doing this for her greater good. After all, as entertainers like Zsa Zsa, Duran Duran, GaGa, and Evelyn Evelyn demonstrate, a squared name is a virtual ticket to success.

Question: Am I a bad father or a deeply responsible person?

(My wife’s answer–“You are a strange sad little man, and you have my pity”–is not on the table for discussion.)

Once she hits the big time, we will open a series of signature restaurants called “Chez Shea Shea” from Walla Walla to Pago Pago. Money and fame, here we come!

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  • Jocelyn

    Why would she want to change her surname to “Shea” when, obviously, it is “Butter”?

  • Tamara Horsburgh

    Ah, yes…..I am in full support of the young lady marrying your son…Shea Shea it must be…..Your wife would think me a sad little person, too, because I can kill myself laughing over name strangeness…..for example, if I need to cheer myself up, I still think of the fact that we had a Mr Sitt and Mrs Stand in junior high school….and my in laws know a farmer named Alexander A. Alexander, who refuses to confirm what the A stands for…..I do have an alternative for your son’s classmate….tell her I have a friend who has the luck of the last name stadum….

  • My youngest son’s name is Chester. My daughter has a classmate who’s last name is Chester. I have repeatedly begged her to marry him and name their son after his uncle. After Phillip Philips won American Idol, she became more open to the idea. So, no, I do not think you are crazy. I often amuse myself thinking of funny names for my future grandchildren.

  • Julie

    I loved this post! But I’m with your wife.

  • Thinkling

    Once your restaurant franchise is open, you can get YouTube/Autotune Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson to do its commercial theme jingo. “Chez, Shea, Shea, what you need…”

    Your wife’s Toy Story reference was classic.

  • Jim Peavy

    Or, she could marry someone wif the last name of “Stadium”…

    We have a Chinese restaurant here in town called “Ma Ma Yo”. I always thought it would be so great if Yo Yo Ma would be found eating there.

    • Irenist

      Speaking of Chinese restaurants, the new Mrs. Shea’s restaurant empire could open a franchise in China. Then at the ribbon cutting, the mayor could thank her company by saying “Shie shie, Chez Shea Shea!”

      That is my dream for a better world.

  • Steve P

    Interestingly enough, “Shea Shea” sounds like “Thank You” in Chinese, so her name would be a great sign of gratitude.

    I thought of that while doing Tai Chi with Chai Tea.

    • Irenist

      Great minds, Steve P…..

  • Not a Shea

    Shea! Shes on you. Have you no Shea?

  • “I have commanded him to propose marriage immediately,”

    I laughed out loud at that. You’re a good dad.

  • JDH

    This is not as crazy as it sounds (not that anything the Dark Lord ever says sounds crazy). I went to college with a girl named Kellie who married a guy whose last name is Kelly. She did not keep her maiden name, so she is Kellie Kelly.

    I have also met a guy, many years ago, whose name was Charlie Charles. It’s one thing for such a thing to occur as an accident of marriage, but his parents actually did that to him!

  • Richard C.

    The restaurant sounds like it would be chi-chi.

  • Eric the Read

    You would of course have to open a restaurant at Shea Stadium, where it would naturally be called Chez Shea Shea at Shea.

    • Eric the Read

      Argh, I had forgotten it was torn down in 2009. Well, you can still put up a branch at

  • Nate

    If pianist Lang Lang married actress Katherine Lang, and they named their kid after the father, and if they were progressive and gave their kid a hyphenated last name, he would be Lang Lang-Lang.

  • Tom R

    Australia has an actual example of this: “Grace Grace” might sound like the perfect name for a Protestant evangelist (as per Billy Sunday and J Dwight Pentecost) but she is in fact a trade union/ labour organiser and former state politician. Queensland Labor formerly had a Senator named George Georges, which I always wanted to complete with “George, Georgeons, Georgez, Georgent…” etc

  • LOL.

    Not all that related, but my grandma’s maiden name starts with “Sp” and she married a guy whose last name starts with “Sp” so my mom’s maiden name starts with an “Sp,” too. And my mom married a guy whose last name is “Spenceley.” Needless to say, I might be willing to marry the first guy I meet whose last name starts with “Sp,” just to keep this going.