Stupid Papal Headline Contest!

Inspired by the genius of Reuters, I declare the First Stupid Papal Headline Contest!

“Pope, in nod to wheat farmers and vinters, consecrates bread and wine in ceremony called ‘Mass’ by Vatican sources”

Now you go.

"It's very logical, unless you live in a country where street gangs routinely take your ..."

Not Romans 13. John 8:44
"Lies are very hard to keep straight. You need a photographic memory like Rainman. Unfortunately ..."

Not Romans 13. John 8:44
"Apparently Trump is finally backing off of this policy and detained families will at least ..."

Not Romans 13. John 8:44
"Careful Linda - I agree with your disgust but "human garbage" is Trumpian. I'm struggling ..."

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  • HornOrSilk

    Pope, in nod to cars, lifts fellow priest up into Pope-mobile

  • How about a mash-up of MSM and You Tube stupid: “Pope, in nod to ancient Babylonian mystery religion, wears giant ‘fish head’ hat during ritual.”

    • James H, London

      Win!! LOL!

  • “Pope Francis, in apparent nod to 1st century religionists, promotes ancient biography of Christian founder”

  • Linebyline

    Pope Catholic, experts say.

    • Linebyline


      Pope: Catholic? 12 shocking answers!

  • Fr. Denis Lemieux

    “Pope, in nod to Jesus, baptizes baby born to a man and woman who are less than perfect.”

  • HornOrSilk

    Pope, in nod to libraries, publishes a book.

  • wlinden

    Pope, in nod to misogynists, appoints no women cardinals.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Pope, in nod to Catholic Church, tells Mass.

  • Evan

    Pope, in nod to environmentalists, will celebrate Easter the Sunday before earth day.

  • Stu

    Pope, in nod to the orthodox minded, does not mandate the use of “Fellowship Cups” throughout the Church.

    • Linebyline

      Alternate take:

      Pope, in nod to Traditionalists, bans use of Fellowship Cups throughout Church.

  • SteveP

    The Pope’s procession, in a nod to the NYT, entered the church using the left aisle. Reactionary classicists see something sinister; the Vatican responds: “Fear not: there is a dearth of adroit journalists this generation.”

  • Rebecca Fuentes

    And this follow-up: Grain-Free Community Incensed

    • SteveP

      The Society for the Preservation of Boswellia sacra strongly condemns the Grain-Free Community’s previous statement. “No one should be incensed” the spokesperson told this reporter.

  • wlinden

    Pope fails to deny he will ordain women. (Without apologies to Kenneth Briggs)

  • Sherry

    Pope, in a nod to dieters everywhere, offers and eats what appears to be thin bread and watered down wine.

  • Rusty

    Pope delivers homily during midnight Christmas mass. Women and children excluded.

    • quasimodo

      . CORRECTION:. Women and children hardest hit

  • Stu

    Pope, in nod to fatigue, goes to bed.

    • Rebecca Fuentes

      Pope Fatigued! Resignation Imminent? Conspiracy Suspected!

  • Mike L

    Pope, in nod to nodding nods.

  • Steve P

    Pope, in nod to matter, has Mass.

  • Steve P

    Pope, in nod to Latin Americans, speaks Spanish.

  • Andy

    The Pope nods to the fashion impaired and wears white not is nsummer

  • Damien Woods

    In an apparent effort to win back the many disaffected Catholics who’ve fled the Church in recent decades, the Pope directed priests around the world to make themselves available for a ceremony he described as “the Sacrament of Penance” where the returning faithful would “have their sins forgiven”. Priests were ordered to place no conditions on this “forgiveness” or even to disclose to anyone the nature of these “sins”. Vatican watchers hailed this innovative break with the more rigid policies of the Pontiff’s immediate predecessors.

  • Ken D.

    “Pope, in nod to Islam, affirms monotheism.”

  • Matthew Tyson

    Pope, in nod to Communism, speaks out against greed and idolatry.

  • Proof that you can’t beat the media at their own game:

    ‘Cool’ Pope Decries Abortion, Reminds Us Why Popes Are Not So Cool

    Read the rest here, if you have the stomach for it.

    Take that, tyros!

    • SteveP

      Good find! Although I’m crestfallen I’ll stand off and let those self-identified professionals do the gig. But I can’t resist one more: Pope Francis, in a nod to bishops, does nothing out of the ordinary.

    • For contest purposes, mine should really be rephrased:

      “Pope, in refusing to nod to coolness of abortion, becomes uncool.”

  • Pope Francis, in nod to football, speaks of the saints.

  • Defying gender boundaries, Pope hosts Red Hat Society meeting.

  • The original Mr. X

    Pope Francis, in nod to clichés, espouses Catholicism.

  • Linebyline

    I like this one from John Henke: “Bear, in nod to environmentalists, [redacted] in the woods.” As quoted in