Behold the Spam of God!

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  • Nicholas Haggin

    Thanks a lot, Mark. I now have Martin Willett’s “Behold the Lamb” stuck in my head, except with a little change of lyrics….

  • David Naas

    That s seriously — too close to home.

    Many years back ( I wasn’t even Catholic at the time), I had occasion to hear a Fundamentalist preacher inveigh against Catholicism. Foolishly, I presumed he would be open to fact instead of the religious pornography he was spouting. He cut me off, and referred me to Lorraine Boettner’s opus “Roman Catholicism”. I read the first chapter, and then gave him list of all the lies in the first three paragraphs (It took a several sheets to refute three paragraphs). He then summarily informed me that HE was a Man of God, and the discussion was Terminated!

    Here’s the follow-up. He came by my house a week later, for “just a visit”. I was relaxing on my front porch with a beer and cigarette after mowing the lawn when he came up. After making several minutes of small talk, he fixed me with a beady eye and asked, “Are you saved?” I fixed my beady eye right back and said, “Yes.” Thirty seconds later, he got up and left without another word.

  • JJG

    I’m only in it for the Mithra worship. Well … that and this sweet job I have as system manager for the supercomputer (actually, it’s a Linux cluster, but what Jack Chick don’t know won’t hurt him) which keeps records of all the Protestants in the world. The hours are long, but the food’s good. I especially like the spaghetti burgers:

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–PSKpvPkn–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/wrwli9vhjajdtofwuyoa.jpg

    The spaghetti is freshly harvested from the spaghetti trees in the Vatican garden, and the meat patties are made from the bodies of murdered Protestants (don’t let anyone tell you we’re _not_ into cannibalism) collected by Pope Francis on Halloween night, when he rises out of the pistachio patch he thinks is most sincere, and flies around the world seeking the ruination of souls.

    I think he likes me, cuz just the other day he showed me that the top of his crozier unscrews, and can be replaced with the head of a pitchfork! Maybe if I play my cards right, he’ll even show me his cloven hooves. If I can continue to make a good impression, I hope to be promoted to Vatican assassin (http://vaticanassassins.org/). I hear you get to wear a cool Jesuit-ninja habit for that gig!

    His Heinous still adamantly refuses to properly consecrate Russia to the immaculate heart of Isis, though, so I guess we minions will have to work extra hard to persuade him. I think something something pro multis and something something Quo Primum is the necessary magic spell. There’s probably a passage or two in the 1962 _Missale_Romanum_, which as we all know floated down from the clouds on that first day of Pentecost, alongside the tongues of flame, when everybody started speaking impeccable Latin. Hey, if it was good enough for the Apostles, it ought to be good enough for everybody.

    • David Naas

      You Do accede that the Douay is the Bible which Paul Wrote and Jesus Quoted, do you not?

      • JJG

        But of course. God’s outside time, so …
        http://youtu.be/FP1SJ_sLHyE?t=2m19s

        Also, Linux is the operating system of the beast. It’s got daemons running all through it.


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