5 Questions That Saved Me From Marrying the Wrong One

Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were two men whom I thought would one day be my “husband.” I’m immensely grateful that I listened to God when He spoke to my heart and told me not to settle. I almost did but by His grace, I didn’t.

I often see people, women especially, who settle in their relationships. Maybe it’s because they deal with loneliness.  Maybe they believe their biological clock is ticking or they simply want to fulfill their need for companionship.  Or, hey, maybe they just want to have a little “fun”.  I reached a point when I knew God didn’t want me to compromise or settle for less than His best, the perfect partner that aligned with my purpose and destiny.

One day while listening to a message by my then pastor on “unequally yoked relationships,” I found myself reflecting on several questions concerning my current relationship. When I honestly asked myself the following questions I had a hard pill to swallow:

  1.       Do you find yourself sinning against God now that you’re in a relationship rather than when you were single? (Me: Yup)
  1.       How often does the person that you’re in a relationship with initiate spiritual things like, prayer, devotions, bible studies, & witnessing? (Me: Ummm.. never) And when you suggests those things, what is their attitude like? (Me: Indifferent pretty much described it)
  1.       Does the relationship help you grow spiritually? (Me: Nope)
  1.       What kind of example has your relationship been setting at your church? Does the relationship help others? Has it been a good witness? (Me: ummm… he doesn’t go to church faithfully, not at all really.)
  1.       If the person knew your walk was being hindered because of the relationship. Do they love God enough to step away from you for a season to allow you to get your walk with God together because that’s most important? (long story short – no)

So there I was forced to face the reality of the relationship I was in. I was in shock and disappointed in myself.  I didn’t understand how I ended up in a situation so destructive to my emotional and spiritual health. I had a tough decision to make.  Soon after our relationship ended.
Moving on, I was no longer interested in dating someone simply to satisfy my human desire for companionship. As a result to my obedience, my marriage today is everything God promised and I’m happily married to the right one.

Going through this process helped me to realize that there were red flags of a counterfeit guy that I had to look out for.

Click here to get our free e-book “5 Red Flags of a Counterfeit” to make sure you avoid Mr. Wrong!

 

Writer: Aleida Lane

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  • T. Tate

    I can recall a conversation of four years ago like it was yesterday between a fellow classmate of mine in a Christian university and a spiritual friend. We were discussing dating as a single Christian woman and the wolves in sheep’s clothing. He comes to you sharing about his love of God and striving to live a godly life. However, you notice that he prefers to stay home and watch sports instead of attending church special events. Ok. However, then down the road you find him subtly asking you to join him in activities that take you away from your normal church routine. He is a hinderence to your relationship with God and the church at this point in dating. What will he do if you are married?

  • Jodie Jones

    During a bad breakup, I asked myself questions that were similar to these. The sting of rejection was real; however, the questions brought me to a sobering reality. It allowed me to see my responsibility to spiritually prepare myself (not only for marriage, but for other life goals) so that when the opportunity arose, I would be prepared and available.

  • Doug Johnson

    I’ve been on both sides of this: Rejecting great women because they had superficial faith and being rejected because my spiritual life didn’t meet her expectations. I learned much from both. If a women expects to find this kind of complete, spiritual man she will likely remain single. We are not trained to be this man. Not by the church, not by our fathers (if we had one), nowhere. The good news is that a truly good man is trainable and open to spiritual growth and taking on that responsibility. That is the man you can find.