How To Kill 102 Minutes!

August 17, 2006 by 9 Comments

I watched the new release DVD Beowulf and Grendel. In a word, it SUCKED! I always give movies a chance and 99% of the time watch them right through to the end. I can’t remember the last time I stopped watching a movie. Oh yes, Domino! I don’t know how that movie ends, and frankly I don’t care. Back to Beowulf… it was totally unconvincing. I knew it was in trouble at the very beginning when the toddler-troll Grendel is put on the screen, glued-on beard and all. And the fearsome warriors riding on those tiny ponies was, bluntly, HILARIOUS! I laughed out loud every time they rode onto the screen. They should’ve had REAL horses, like of the Frank Frazetta variety. I felt that all one had to do was yell to the ponies, “PLAY DEAD!” and the war would be over. I was waiting for the end-credits to say, “All the horses were harmed during the filming of this movie. They were crushed under the weight of their riders!” How can you be afraid of these guys?
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Okay, a couple of good things: Sarah Polley is beautiful. Extra: she has an incredible singing voice. Hear her sing on the the beautiful soundtrack to The Sweet Hereafter, especially her version of The Tragically Hip’s, “Courage”. And it was filmed in Iceland, which is absolutely gorgeous. I’ve been there twice, and the landscape is spiritually impressive.

But, in my opinion, don’t bother wasting your time with the movie. Watch Junebug instead… a more superior, disturbing and incisive study of human nature.

Filed Under: art, thought 9 Comments
About David Hayward

David Hayward runs the blog nakedpastor as a graffiti artist on the walls of religion where he critiques religion… specifically Christianity and the church. He also runs the online community The Lasting Supper where people can help themselves discover, explore and live in spiritual freedom.

  • John

    Dave: Your blog made me laugh today! Thanks! Good humour.

    I remember a tear falling from Daves eye during a Hilliary Duff movie. It really shows your sensitive side Dave!

  • Fred

    What you wanted in Beowulf and Grendel you can find in Tristan and Isolde.

    Who’s Frank Frazetta? ;)

  • http://davidhayward.ca David Hayward

    Fred: click on “frank frazetta” on my post and it will take you there. He’s a fantasy artist. John: you’re in touch with your feminine side as well sweetie!

  • Minnie Rogers

    You have to give Domino a chance, go on, I dare you….

  • Brian M

    They should’ve just used coconuts.

  • Fred

    I know who Frazetta is, hence the “winkie.” I figured most might not.

  • Fred

    …although stylistically I prefer Vallejo.

  • John

    Brian! Brilliant movie you refer to!

  • silverfoot

    Fred took the words out of my mouth, re: Frazetta/Vallejo. ahh, makes me nostalgic for the days i used to sneak into my brother’s room and read his Conan comics when he wasn’t home. *grin*

    i haven’t seen the flick, but just *try* to tell me the costumes didn’t rock! it was a Canadian company, Valentine Armouries (out of Calgary) that did the weapons armour.

    and about the horses… i wonder, because i know Arabian horses are much larger (well, taller, and more elegantly boned) than those that used to be (i.e. 1000 years ago) on the european and nordic continents. could it have been an attempt (however lame) at historical authenticity? (and could my comment be any more parenthetical?)


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