Own original art!
Unfortunately it was not the response my nephew got from my sister.
Here’s to it being this easy for everyone, one day.
Excellent! Wish that all would get this response…
And here’s to it being a complete non issue one day.
Ok, though I may be running the risk of being the anti-Christ, un-loving, un-empathetic, homophobic, hateful or whatever else (you tell me)–here is the view of one middle-aged woman with one son dead in a car accident and one daughter married working on her second degree, and without grandchildren:
Just try to see it for a moment from her point of view. She has put her life into marriage and child-rearing. Yes, she may have had something like a career, but the child-rearing does not do itself. It is 24-7, at least in spirit. 12 months a year, 10 years a decade… Always, always on your mind. Nobody has loved you like your mother. Nobody has kept you in her heart and soul and body like your mother.
In any case, as women get older, there are some inequalities. There are those with money and those without. There are those with health and those without. There are those with children and grandchildren and those without. It is becoming too late to change some of those conditions. Time is running out. You buy a new car and you think, hm, if this one lasts 12 years, it is possibly my second last car.
Your son tells you that he is gay. It may as well be something like you lost all your savings in the stock market and you can’t make it up again. Or you have cancer and your chances are slim. Your son is gay and you won’t have a daughter-in-law or a nice, regular wedding, grandchildren, crocheting, babysitting, etc.
She liked a man and she had children with him. Gay son will like a man and she has just lost many dreams and hopes and joys for her own future and his. She can love her gay son, she can support her gay son, she can keep him close. But her dearest hopes in life look ruined. This is not what she went into it for and her investment has been heavy. Nobody is giving her a choice. Why would she not be upset.
Be easy on her.
I think that we should show compassion for all involved, Brigitte, but the mother must ultimately realize that her child did not fail her by being gay. Her own expectations and assumptions are the problem. Our kids do not owe us the fulfillment of our dreams, and when they start their own lives it really isn’t about us. Imagine how a young man or woman feels when they get honest with someone about the core of who they are and have it made clear that who they really are is hugely disappointing – devastating so. That moment can do a lot of damage, both to the child and to the relationship with the parent. That’s why we should never assume our children are going to give us grandchildren – or that a gay child is NOT going to do so.
I had to tell my mom that I like church.
Wow Brigitte…is it really all about her?
I didn’t know it was our children’s job to fulfill our hopes and dreams. I think loving our children for who they are, who they become, who they love, and in the choices they make is the ultimate job of a parent. Are there disappointments along the way? Sure are. Brigitte, it is a real shame that you say “her dearest hopes in life look ruined” because the son is gay. Wow.
Gary, we must have been typing at the same time. Glad to see someone else shares the same point of view.
Brigitte, why in the world do you frequent this site when you obviously hold a very different worldview? It hasn’t been to open your mind to others’ points of view… So, why? Is it to proselytize and hope to draw others to your ideas?
Your son is gay and you won’t have a daughter-in-law or a nice, regular wedding, grandchildren, crocheting, babysitting, etc.
Newsflash: Gay couples can and do raise children. (Hello, adoption? Surrogacy?) Some of them can even get married.
Your ignorance is showing, Brigitte. Not to mention the woman in your illustration (you, perhaps?) is being selfish. She should be thinking about how hard it must have been for her son to reveal this to her, how much he struggled with this, how she can support him now that he’s confided in her.
It is NOT about her.
Your son is gay and you won’t have a daughter-in-law or a nice, regular wedding, grandchildren, crocheting, babysitting, etc Another newsflash. Some straight people don’t actually manage to find a partner, or don’t choose to have children, or aren’t able to. So their parents may never be grandparents either. The issue is not whether the mother gets what she would like to have. It is whether the son gets the fulfilling relationship that may be profoundly important to him
“Ok, though I may be running the risk of being the anti-Christ, un-loving, un-empathetic, homophobic, hateful or whatever else (you tell me)”
Besides those, the biggest thing you come across as is extraordinarily selfish.
That too, Robert!
Wow, Brigitte. We fulfill our own hopes and dreams…or not. I thought we’d progressed past the expectation that our children will fulfill our frustrated hopes and dreams. Sons and daughters are individuals with their own hopes and dreams, and it seems grossly unfair to lay the burden on them to attempt to fulfill their parents’ hopes and dreams. You chose to live your life in your own way. Why not set your children free to have the same opportunity?
Are “our children” really ours? Are they not first children of God, given in trust to us for a time with the understanding that, when the time has come that they are old enough to take responsibility for their own lives we must set them free.
Of course, not all people yearn for freedom ;-D
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours… If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you’ve set it free….. You either married it or gave birth to it. –Anonymous
There’s your explanation Brigitte.
Brigitte, you are quite right, the love of a mother is strong indeed. I imagine you had, and still have, this love for your precious lost son and do for your dear daughter.
There is compassion, yearning and desire in your heart, that is portrayed through the ‘hypothetical’ mother in your comment. While the desires of a mother, her hopes and dreams, always play a part in who she is and what she does, it never, or should never, supersede that of her love for her children. As others have commented, all the things that mother wanted can still come to be with a gay son or daughter. The greatest deterrent of this coming to be, for the mother, is not her gay son, but rather her own-self.
I must always remind myself of this: is it wrong that we have differing hopes and/or ideals, such as that of the mother or anyone else for that matter, or does loving the other, in word and in action(The mother, who by the way, never stopped loving and supporting her gay son.), always take precedence over what we differ on in opinion.
Some of the above comments, to Brigitte, sound much more like a disappointed mother comments to her gay son(Of which I imagine many of the above would be appalled by) then that of compassion and understanding.
Yes, Brigitte, as you stated, go easy on her and, perhaps, one should go easy on both mothers.