Haven

My husband pulled the car into the garage. My head tilted back, legs tensed, right arm shook as tears streamed down my face during the seizure. I kept my eyes closed knowing I would only see flashes of light or dark spots anyway. I sort of remember staring at the dashboard and drying my eyes after. There’s some noise and in his nervousness my husband has dropped a bag of groceries and broken the eggs while trying to help me. I stare fascinated by some spot on the fabric of the now open car door.

“You can do it. You can walk. I can’t get you inside on my own.” His attempt to inspire me has a note of fear and concern. It takes much longer than normal for the signals in my brain that tell my muscles to move to connect into even a jellied action.

In the side yard, I was blinded by an internal flash of light. As my muscles quit working I slide to the ground convulsing grasping onto my husband’s close. He sets the groceries down, holding me until it’s over. My EEG had come back abnormal but with only one neurologist in a tri-county area, there was a one month wait for an appointment.

There are many different types of seizures. One thing in common is they are followed by swelling of the brain stem. This can cause headaches and a sore neck. Seizures take a lot of of you after all of your muscles tighten up and twitch involuntarily for minutes or on and off for hours. I responded to emails or wrote on social media when I could but most of the time I slept.

The Path Work I did was simple and often morphed taking on a life of it’s own. I would start the basic meditation trusting my guides and Goddess to shape the experience into what I needed. Sometimes I was in my astral cottage simply spilling out all of my experiences into my personal records as a way to purge. Most of the time I was in Her cave, Gaia’s womb, wrapped up in furs on a bed of moss by a fire. To me it looks a lot like the Lascaux or Chauvet caves. I’m really looking forward to Werner Herzog’s “Cave of Forgotten Dreams” which is his exploration of the Chauvet cave art.

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VIDEO: Movie Trailer – “Cave of Forgotten Dreams is the result of Herzog’s exclusive access to the recently discovered Chauvet caves in the South of France, and their truly extraordinary cave paintings, dating back 32,000 years.”

At the neurologist I found out that one side of my brain goes slower than the other. When the two sides try to catch up or compensate I have a seizure. It’s possible some of my panic/anxiety attacks were misdiagnosed. Now I’m adjusting to my epilepsy medication. I am very grateful that epilepsy is treatable and I will be especially happy when my energy returns and I am seizure free.

What is your spiritual haven? What place do you imagine when dealing with a medical or emotional difficulty?

About Tara Miller

Tara "Masery" Miller is a panentheist Gaian mage living in the Ozarks with her husband and pets. She's also a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church. She writes the Staff of Asclepius blog. She's also a new author and editor with Megalithica Books. If you would like to be notified when Rooted in the Body, Seeking the Soul: Magic Practitioners Living with Disabilities, Addiction, and Illness will be available please email her at tara.miller21 (at) gmail.com Donations for the blog can also be sent through PayPal to the same email.


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