Deconstructing Stupid: Dumb Responses to the End of DOMA

I like to keep my posts squarely in the Pagan sphere, but there are times my inner snark just becomes too much to bear. Today has been a huge step forward for equality and civil rights. Politics in the United States are often round after round of disappointment, but today there was mostly joy. Sure, we have many more battles ahead of us to realize full marriage equality on a nationwide level, but we took major strides today.

The majority of my friends are ecstatic about today’s Supreme Court decisions, and I’m willing to bet a majority of Americans are too. Sadly there is still a very loud minority in this country who have been busy all day saying stupid horrible thing after stupid horrible thing. I’ve never been a huge fan of Twitter, but it’s great for knee jerk reactions from people who tend to have diarrhea of the mouth. I thought I’d take some of those comments from Twitter and other sources, refute the stupid, and just have a little fun with ignorance. Enjoy!

From the Twitter Feed of Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee:

“My thoughts on the SCOTUS ruling that determined that same sex marriage is okay: ‘Jesus wept.’”

“5 people in robes said they are bigger than the voters of CA and Congress combined.And bigger than God.May He forgive us all.”

Jesus and the early gospel writers who wrote down his message were often so worked up about gay marriage that Jesus himself spoke out against it exactly zero times in the New Testament. Jesus might have wept today, but probably because he and Lazarus don’t have to hide their affections for each other in a cave anymore.

If you bothered to read through Justice Kennedy’s ruling that repealed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) the best part is most certainly when the Justice writes “We are making this ruling because we think we are bigger than Jehovah God. Hell, we might even be bigger than the Beatles, time will tell.” It was an extremely moving moment in the ruling and Governor Huckabee captured it accurately. (Word Press really needs an eye roll emoticon.)

Soon to be gone from the national stage Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (Minnesota) shared these gems via a press release:

“For thousands of years of recorded human history, no society has defended the legal standard of marriage as anything other than between man and woman. Only since 2000 have we seen a redefinition of this foundational unit of society in various nations.

“What the Court has done will undermine the best interest of children and the best interests of the United States.”

This is what annoys me the most about right wing doofuses like Bachmann. There is a clear difference between what goes on in your church and what goes on in a court room or IRS office. If a church wants to be behind the tide of history they can certainly do that. Not all marriages are sanctified by the Holy Gay-Hating Yahweh of Michelle Bachmann. In my house marriage was created by my wife and I, made legal by the state, and then blessed whole-heartedly by the gods Pan and Aphrodite. Churches choose to recognize (and not recognize) marriages and divorces all the time. Treating gays and lesbians as first class citizens doesn’t change a damned thing in your pea-brained church.

I’m with Michelle on this one, nothing frightens me more than a child with two loving parents. Those kids are doomed I tell you, doomed!

Oh, and Michelle, King Solomon had over 700 wives and 300 concubines. King David had at least seven wives. My favorite non-sensical Bible story that craps all over Bachmann’s stupid is probably this one:

“Then Judah said to Onan, ‘Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother.’ But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to see his brother’s wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother. What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.” (Genesis 38: 8-10)

Yeah, that’s in there.

The National Organization for Marriage had these vomit-riddled comments (I actually feel bad putting vomit in the same category as this group):

“The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) today expressed dismay and outrage at the US Supreme Court’s actions to dismiss Proposition 8 on procedural grounds, and for invalidating a key element of the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). The group called the decision “illegitimate” and that it will be rejected by tens of millions of Americans, and demanded that Congress continue to protect the right of states to reject same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.”

“There is a stench coming from this case that has now stained the Supreme Court. They’ve allowed corrupt politicians and judges to betray the voters, rewarding them for their betrayal. It’s an illegitimate decision. We and millions of other Americans will refuse to accept this rogue decision rewarding corruption.” -President of NOM Brian Brown

How does one reject a ruling that doesn’t affect them in any way? You can deny all you want that your neighbors Steve and Doug are a married gay couple, but they are. Perhaps NOM has plans to infiltrate the homes of gay couples whose marriages are recognized by their respective states and then steal their tax returns? Maybe Brian Brown will refuse to invite the lesbians down the street to prayer meetings? What horse-crap. You are free to “reject” whatever you want, doesn’t mean it’s not happening though.

What really scares me about some of these clowns is that they sound mighty close to treason. “Americans will refuse to accept this rogue decision.” Are you advocating violence? Perhaps a rebellion? What a proud Patriot you are!

Texas Senator Ted Cruz:

“The family is the fundamental building block of society, and I strongly support traditional marriage between one man and one woman. The voters of California made that same choice, until the courts improperly substituted their preferences for those of the people.

“Our Federalism allows different states to make different policy judgments based on the values and mores of their citizens. Federal courts should respect that diversity and uphold that popular sovereignty, not impose their own policy agenda.”

The “family” argument is one of the biggest red herrings in the whole gay marriage debate. Are you going to ban old people from getting married? What about a woman who had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons. Is she denied marriage too? The California citizens thing is bullcrap too. Nearly 60% of Californians are now in favor of gay marriage. Besides, Prop 8 was designed to confuse from the very get go. It was a bad piece of law and it was thrown out by the courts. Sorry Teddy, you don’t always get what you want, and you can’t take rights away from people. Now go slink into whatever slime-hole you crawled out of and let the grown-ups talk.

The problem with “state by state” gay marriage is that there are certain rights granted to couples at a federal level. No one should be penalized for living in Alabama, they are penalized enough. Perhaps we should pass a law out here in California to not allow troglodytes who believe the Earth is only 8000 years to get married. We probably have the votes in Sacramento, but that’s not how we roll.

The Family Research Council:

“Time is not on the side of those seeking to create same-sex ‘marriage.’ As the American people are given time to experience the actual consequences of redefining marriage, the public debate and opposition to the redefinition of natural marriage will undoubtedly intensify.”

No one is “creating” same-sex marriage (and the fact that you put it in quotes means you are some real butt-wipes), it’s something that exists because two people have chosen to love each other. Same sex marriage has been around for millennia, we’ve just finally chosen as a society to not be assholes about it anymore. What are the “actual consequences of redefining marriage” anyway? Well kept lawns? Couples that accessorize better than my wife and I? Your marriages have not changed because someone else was allowed to get married. Dawn and April moving in next to you with a piece of paper acknowledging their committment to one another is not the equivalent of having Freddy Krueger as a neighbor. Indeed, they would have moved into that house anyways. It doesn’t change anything. The only “consequence” of gay marriage is that it means more love in the world.

You guys know that you are on the wrong side of history too, right? 55% of Americans are now in favor of gay marriage, and that number is only going to continue to grow. Once people realize that groups like yours are feeding them garbage, support for gay marriage will only increase. Family Research Council, I’ve got something for you to research, it’s called finding your head in your ass.

That’s about all I can stand. The enemies of tolerance have lost this battle, and are destined to lose this war, but they aren’t going away anytime soon. Stand up for equality and stand with your brothers and sisters until marriage equality is reached throughout this great nation (and world!). While this post mostly picked on Republicans, there were many in the GOP and in various libertarian movements who stood on the side of equality today. To those brave souls bucking the establishment we say thank you.

About Jason Mankey

Jason Mankey has been involved with Paganism for the last twenty years, and has spent the last ten of those years as a speaker, writer, and High Priest. Jason can often be found lecturing on the Pagan Festival circuit, so you might just bump into him. When not reading and researching Pagan history he likes to crank up the Led Zeppelin, do rituals in honor of Jim Morrison (of The Doors), and sing numerous praises to Pan, Dionysus, and Aphrodite. He lives in Sunnyvale CA with his wife Ari and two hyper-kinetic cats.

  • Lēoht Sceadusawol

    “My thoughts on the SCOTUS ruling that determined that same sex marriage is
    okay: ‘Jesus wept.’”

    If only I’d known it was that easy to get him to cry…

    • http://dashifen.com/ dashifen

      A common response to the “Jesus wept” comment throughout my networks was “Sure! He cries at weddings.”

      • JasonMankey

        There are so many ways to go with that joke. I’m guessing we could come up with fifty different ones.

    • Brittany Kirk

      Jesus traveled with twelve other men, and apparently kissing was commonplace enough that Judas thought it was a good way to point him out without raising suspicion, and the romans didn’t seem to think it was odd either…….

      • Lēoht Sceadusawol

        The only reason Jesus hung out with twelve other guys was because he wanted to play rugby league. *nods*

  • thelettuceman

    I was arguing with someone about it, because she didn’t appreciate how the rulings barred her from fighting against gay marriage from a moral standpoint (some aspect of Prop 8′s reversal that I haven’t bothered to track down yet). Got to love that some people feel it is their moral right and duty to actively inconvenience and deny liberty to their fellow citizens.

  • Jason Hatter

    You might want to correct this linle:
    “The enemies of intolerance have lost this battle, and are destined to lose this war, but they aren’t going away anytime soon.”

    I think you mean the enemies of tolerance, since the enemies of INTOLERANCE are the people who are tolerant. :)

  • Hilary

    Scared people, scared as the world changes out from under them. Scared that they only know a zero-sum game of winners and losers, and scared they are headed to loser, not realizing life and love is a win-win game. BTW, it’s Minnesota with one ‘t’. Land of 10,000 lakes, and 12th state to make same sex marriage legal.

  • Taffy Dugan

    Love it! I so agree! Even the title is hilarious.

    My favorite sentence:

    “Jesus and the early gospel writers who wrote down his message were often
    so worked up about gay marriage that Jesus himself spoke out against it
    exactly zero times in the New Testament.”

  • AnantaAndroscoggin

    Have you noticed just how often the statements coming out of these groups tend to accuse others of doing are the very things that would result from the things they’re demanding the country do.

    I’m really continually amazed by the size of the audiences for these reactionary freaks. Reactionary as in “wishing to take the world ‘back’ to a time and state it never had.”

  • Weaver95

    its been fascinating watching the religious right try and find a way to handle the repeal of DOMA.

  • JR Gray

    Thanks Jason, You rock. Good read.


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X