The Horned God & Masculinity

On my Patreon page I answer questions from readers. This one was so good I felt like I should share it here so everybody got a chance to read it.

Caleb asks:

How has worshipping the Horned God shaped your own masculinity and your understanding of masculinity in general?

Back in 2019 I was a featured presenter at a Druid event in Washington (state). In addition to me, Gwion Raven, Laura Tempest Zakroff, and Misha Magdalene were also present. I love all of those people so we spent a lot of time together and all went to each other’s workshops. One of Misha’s presentations was on gender and identity (sadly, the exact name escapes), and during the presentation she made mention of people who were “gender nonconforming.”

While Misha was listing the characteristics of gender nonconforming individuals, Gwion and Tempest both turned and looked at me with big grins on their faces. I also smiled, but it was also a smile of surprise, since many of the things Misha was talking about applied completely to Ari (that’s my wife) and I’s relationship. (Gwion and Tempest were clearly aware of this before I was.) People who actually KNOW me and Ari, know who is really in charge in our relationship, and it’s not me. And “traditional gender roles” are basically reversed in our relationship.

Ari is the primary breadwinner in our household, she also handles money, and the planning of trips, and most of what we do and don’t do. I, on the other hand, do the vast majority of the interior decorating and the cooking. If something is traditionally done by a “housewife” in our house, I’m the one who probably does it. Just the other day my step-mother commented that Ari does a really good job decorating our house. I laughed, and told her that was all me.

I have a lot of male friends, but I’m also often extremely uncomfortable around men. I always feel like I’m going to be judged for not being “masculine enough.” I have my own way of dressing, and then there is the long hair and jewelry . . . . I don’t think I’m a giant outlier in any way, but I certainly have my own style, and I’ve certainly felt judged because of it a time or two. Once I start talking to someone the judgement tends to disappear (I’m a pretty good conversationalist and talking about sports breaks a lot of ice with some people), but not always.

Before Paganism I was a pretty button downed person. Due to my love of hair metal I had always wanted long hair, but had never really grown it. I shopped at places like American Eagle into my twenties. My attempts at being a hippy were failures because I clearly didn’t enjoy patchouli enough for the people I was hoping to hang out with. I was really uncomfortable in my own skin for most of my teens and early twenties.

When I discovered the Horned God, which came after my embrace of Witchcraft, I remember it being a “freeing” feeling. If anything it made me feel less ‘traditionally masculine” and more like: “I can do whatever I want.” One of the great things about gods like Pan and Dionysus is that they are totally bi and into whatever. They simply don’t give a crap about what other people (or gods) think about them. I found that reassuring. The Horned God made me feel like it was just fine to grow my hair long and to wear fancy velvet shirts and bellbottom jeans. (That was then, today it’s fake silk shirts, but I still often wear the bellbottom jeans.)

I’m sure there are some Wiccan edgelords and bigots out there who think the Horned God solidifies “traditional” ideas about masculinity, but I think history tells us just the opposite. I think the Horned God solidifies the idea that gender and masculinity are fluid. The Horned God is Elen of the Ways, and then there are those female Pans, Cernunnoses, and Green Women too. Sure the Horned God can be the Hunter, but they can also be the Conscientious Objector. (That is Pan in a nutshell, who was a god of hunting, but also turned his back to bloodshed among humans, life is complicated.)

I think the Horned God breaks down barriers and blurs lines when it comes to masculinity. Masculinity is just what one makes of it, and we are free to navigate that in whatever fashion we choose. Worshipping, honoring, and working with the Horned God has made me a much better human being, and a much better man.