I know it’s just a silly game. More than that, it’s professional sports, so it’s corrupt and corrupting. There’s a whole chapter in my most recent book, Shrink, called “Cooperation and the Mythic Failure of Competition.” A friend of mine once sat with a group of Hispanic parents and asked them what they thought about the culture of Johnson County, Kansas where we live. Their first comment was, “You guys really care about sports. You organize your whole life around them.” The implication was, “We care about things like working four part-time jobs and not getting deported.”
It’s true, kid’s sports in America is how we rehearse our children for the dog-eat-dog world of consumer capitalism. How else will we teach them how to scratch their way to the top of the heap in this world of scarcity and fear? I get the critiques. I am down with the critiques.
However, I’ve been watching my sons over the last month, and I’ve noticed something good, something that makes me proud of them, and grateful for this Royals playoff run – even if it did end in heartbreak.
It’s good to care about something, to care deeply enough that you can get hurt by it. To care deeply about something makes us vulnerable to pain. That vulnerability is essential to a good life, essential to a deep sense of love & community. Human beings need the courage to be vulnerable. This courage comes in small doses as we learn to care about things, even silly things like baseball.
To refuse to care deeply as a means of not getting hurt, or not feeling vulnerable, is choosing a life that is less than God wants for us. Brene’ Brown calls it “foreboding joy.” When one begins to care too deeply it may strike fear in the heart. One will begin to dress rehearse tragedy, holding back and refusing care. Being “to cool to care,” and thereby refusing to invest… all of those are code for “I’m don’t want to get hurt, so I’m shutting down part of my heart.” But, you can’t selectively numb emotion, so it’s a slippery slope.
Both of my kids went to bed in tears last night. “Those pitches were so high! Why were they swinging at them? If they would’ve just laid off the high ones they could’ve gotten a good pitch to hit. Why didn’t they send Gordon? Did we just waste our whole season?” That is just a taste… it was agony.
But, I’m not sorry. I’m so glad they cared about something. They are learning how to risk, learning how to be vulnerable by caring about something, even if it is a silly game, and professional sports at that. If they learn that they can care about the Royals and lose, and still be okay? Then maybe they will have the confidence to care about other things, bigger things, things that matter deeply; things like feeding a family and immigration.
I am resolved to affirm that in my kids’ lives. I’m going to continue to reinforce how proud of them it makes me to see them care. I’m going to let them relive the moment as many times as it takes, and so long as it is safe to do so, we will never hold back our affections so as to not get hurt. That’s how you learn to be a human being. That’s how you allow yourself to love and be loved in return.
So I’ll say what I’ve been saying for the past 12 hours: No regrets. Thank you, 2014 Kansas City Royals, for an amazing season. You guys are all heart.
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