i want to turn into a dog, but how?

I’m a pastor’s wife looking for inexpensive baby gifts.

Was George Washington brilliant or lucky?

Why do fat women like Tweety Bird?
I have to sit down blob.
You don’t want to be in my shoe, my shoe.
Stallone in the dark;
Planet tushy.
Beer is sabotaging my fat loss.
I’ll claw your eyes out.
 God, God, God, else but God:
Accidentally whole bottle.
How to reply when your answer is stupid?
How to make gargoyle feet?
Knock knock. Who’s there?  Never.
Victorian cats;
Get down, down, down; sit on the premium.
Superman unclothes
Are there any non-dorky homeschooling parents?
Simcha Fisher gun-wielding butt.


Lori Petty theme.
Disney penis,
Outrageous mustache,
Simcha dog hero.
Danielle feral,
Awful teeth,
Joke meningitis joke.
Big fig newton,
X-ray monkey,
“Wonky tonky” meaning.
Kosher condomes for ivf;
How is being told your butt is abig a complement to a girl?
He is a chubby man.
Simcha Fisher
Modesty debate.
I will make you fishers of pants.

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia (@HouseUnseen)

    Holy cow. Are these your searches? So much awesomeness I did not know could fit on a single page!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/simchafisher Simcha Fisher

      Yep, I only added punctuation. My readers are nuts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joann.barham JoAnn Frances Pomper Barham

    Happy Halloween to you, too! Blessings!

  • Sarah in MI

    That last one just made my day.

  • http://a-star-of-hope.blogspot.com JoAnna

    I think you should rename your blog to “Fishers of Pants.”

    • http://twitter.com/mamajen4 Jen Minson (@mamajen4)

      Oh yes. Please?

  • Elizabeth

    The line about “big fig newton” was my favorite…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/kavingate Kate

    I adore it when you do these poems. Can your butt really wield a gun? That would be EPIC!!!!!

  • Laura

    Hahaha insane

  • enness

    Fishers of pants…heehee! :)

  • Anita

    Oh, gosh, I think I am responsible for one of those searches!

  • http://breakingground.wordpress.com/ sara

    I wonder how many people purposely google your name together with other weird words in hopes of making it into one of your poems. Just me? I didn’t make the cut this time though.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/simchafisher Simcha Fisher

      Oh, so that was you! I laughed and laughed my gun-wielding butt off when I saw that, but somehow I forgot to put it into the file of search terms for later use, and I didn’t remember it until I had already run the post.

  • http://moss-place.stblogs.org Peony Moss
  • http://coppertopkitchen.blogspot.com Elizabeth @ Coppertop Kitchen

    My favorite: support+wife’s+stupid+ideas.

  • AgnesRegina

    Dear me. This is crazy. And hilarious. How does it work?…

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/simchafisher Simcha Fisher

      They’re all direct quotes from my WordPress stats page. If you have a blog, you can install a program that tells you what people searched for (on Google or whatever) when they arrived at your page. It’s . . . surprising.