Why I will never be a real New Hampshire girl

Why I will never be a real New Hampshire girl April 3, 2014

I mean, besides that I’m not a girl. This car decal is cropping all over the place. I mean all over the place. Stop at any traffic light in the state and you will see it on at least three or four cars. It really bothered me, because it seemed to suggest some kind of infernally complicated tool, like a pair of Goth pliers modified for torture. It also suggested the legs of a dancer with a set of extra arms, tortuously morphing into . . . something else, I know not what, but nothing good.  Here is the decal:

Sinister, eh?

Well, the other day, it finally hit me: it’s a deer. It’s made by a company that sells hunting products. I suppose you all realized this right away. Well, too bad! I’m not always thinking about deer all the time. Sometimes I’m thinking about Goth pliers modified for torture. I suppose that makes you better than me, deer freak.

They even have his-‘n’-hers decals, with a buck and a doe intertwined

which, when you think about it, is not very romantic, because BANG BANG. But what do I know. I’ll never be a real New Hampshire girl.

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  • CS

    Bang Bang. Is that what the deer kids are called?

  • anna lisa

    We had a deer infestation in Marin, but I never got over how cute they were, even if they ate my flowers or slept on my newly planted grass. There are giant Elk in West Marin as well. I hit a doe going full tilt down a twisting mountain road. I happened to be praying at the time. It was like she flew right off of my bumper, poor thing. Her mate, sporting majestic antlers came trotting out seconds later. She landed clear on the other side of the road. Her leg was broken. People were screaming “CALL 911!!!” (for the deer, not me) I couldn’t believe there wasn’t a deer shaped dent in the front of the car, but there wasn’t a scratch. I know, I know, I’ve already shared this story,. but it was really amazing. At the time I wasn’t grateful enough that the car and I were fine. I was a little annoyed that God allowed me to hit it at all if I was in the *middle of a prayer* at the time. I guess you can call that a Catholic entitlement complex. It came to me later that it actually foreshadowed the near future in a strange way. Sometimes that’s the only way God can get through my thick skull.

    When our friend from Spain came to visit, he couldn’t get over how the deer were everywhere. It was incomprehensible to him that all that protein was trotting around, not being put to good Christian use. He actually grumbled about it under his breath with his insulted Castillian accent. What is it about Spaniards when they grumble? It’s almost an art form. He must have realized how little we could relate, because we couldn’t stop cracking up when he’d do it.

  • Deer are just God’s way of making sure humans always have enough to eat.

  • Did you notice the baby deer in the second one?

  • ErikasPowerMinute

    They’re everywhere in Texas too, to the surprise of no one I’m sure.

    My deer story: we went camping in Garner State Park last November, staying in a section of the park with a grove of enormous pecan trees. We arrived late at night, after dark, after a 4-hour drive, and we needed to use the restroom. On our way back through the trees, I felt a weird presence around us but was navigating by starlight only. Eventually my eyes adjusted enough to realize that I was surrounded by a herd of about 40 deer, snuffling through the leaves and eating pecans off the ground. I was truly scared because while not as huge as, say, mule deer, the whitetails are not tiny animals and I did not want to be in the middle of a stampeding herd of them. I didn’t move again until they all wandered off.

  • bob cratchit

    Here in the southern fringes of Siberia (upstate NY), we also have too many deer. I remember one night my little sister drove home late from a friends and hit a deer pretty hard. She was pretty upset about hurting the animal. Next morning when she and mom went out to size up the damage, my sister was near hysterical. There lodged in the front passenger quarter, resembling a rump roast, was the beasts leg.

  • Noah_Vaile

    They’re in North Carolina as well.
    At first I didn’t recognize the decal for what it is either.
    That “co-joined” decal is a bit horrific to me.

  • Lisarose

    Not romantic? Why, my sixteen-year-old got a bottle of doe pee from his girlfriend for Christmas. He’s a hunter and that’s something he wanted (it’s bait). Last week he gave his her a fishing pole for her birthday. Ahh, redneck love!

  • george-a

    And here I first thought it was an ironic twist on that Om symbol the hippies have …

  • Eileen

    Deer are a menace here in Philadelphia and its immediate suburbs. And they walk around in very menacing packs like the Cripps and the Bloods, destroying gardens and terrorizing drivers and small dogs. I once got hit by a deer while I was driving my car down a busy city road. I don’t know if hitting me cost the deer its life (it staggered off the side of the road), but it sure cost me a lot because I had to buy another car since the 15 year old Mitsubishi didn’t have collision insurance. On the other hand, my sister had a few very rough years financially, and venison helped get her and her family through. If putting one of those weird looking bumper stickers on my home window meant go ahead and shoot your dinner if you see a deer on my lawn, I’d take a dozen.

  • Kathryn Coe

    for the longest time, my sister thought that logo was a guy holding a beer with his head on fire.