Rise of the Planet of the Satanazis

Some say that America is under attack by Satan himself.

Liberals have been duped by Satan:

You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic. Why do they believe that? Because they are dupes, they have been deceived and fooled by the Prince of Lies, the Father of Lies and that’s why they believe and do what they do.

The depraved environmental movement duplicates Satan’s method:

All of these things are signs of the depraved mind to which God gives people over when they choose not to recognize Him. The Cornwall Alliance is trying to call attention to these things to show particularly how they are dominant in the environmentalist movement. … Hierarchically it’s God, then humanity, then the earth. The environmental movement turns that upside down just as Satan did.

There’s “something Satanic” about opponents of drill, baby, drill:

I have great difficulty understanding why, here in the United States, 300 million people have more or less acquiesced to the refusal to drill our own oil. … It just seems to me that there’s something Satanic about this.

Lady Gaga is “satanic” and “a kind of devil”:

There has been much talk of devil worship, much hand-wringing and finger-pointing as the American pop star makes her way across Asia. Faithful Filipinos campaigned to ban the Born This Way Ball tour but settled for a small-scale protest. Concerned Christians in Seoul deemed her show pornographic, successfully pushing to make it an “adult-only” event. There has since been weeks of worrying about the corruption of Indonesian souls, so much so that the country’s Religious Affairs Minister, Suryadharma Ali, saw fit to comment on the canceled show. “I strongly believe this cancellation will benefit the country,” he offered.

Gay animals have been possessed by lust demons:

It is entirely possible — we know from the Bible, for example, when Jesus cast the devil out of Legion, he went into a herd of pigs. … So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust.

The First Amendment is a “lie of Satan” against our “nation under God”:

We need a new president. We need to take out Planned Parenthood, we need to stop funding them, we need to make sure they are no longer operating in our communities. … The whole lie that we don’t need Christ. … I believe it’s a direct lie, it’s a lie of Satan himself, because he wants to discourage us and because he doesn’t want out nation to be a nation under God.

President Obama serves the devil by supporting marriage equality:

President Obama has come out of the closet, so to speak, with his announcement that he’s now for brideless or groomless “marriage.” But he didn’t come out alone. He brought Jesus with him, citing Christ as his inspiration for directly attacking God’s moral order. It’s one thing to be a hypocrite, which Mr. Obama has been for years. Since he began pretending to oppose the redefinition of marriage but refusing to defend the federal Defense of Marriage Act while homosexualizing the military. It’s quite another thing, however, to invoke Christ when doing the devil’s work.

Satan using homosexuals in plot to seize power, then kill homosexuals:

The people that would wipe out the homosexuals in our country are using them and aligning with them today to gain power and if they gain power they would immediately kill all the homosexuals. You think that doesn’t make any sense, the devil doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t care about making sense. … Many of those who are being used, right now, I believe by the Devil, evil forces in the world that are trying to bring America down, if those forces took over America they would be the first ones to be killed.

Planned Parenthood, gay rights and environmentalism? “The work of Satan himself“:

We remind Satan of the God that he hates and so he wants to stir up in human beings the same kind of hatred for humanity that he has. And he’ll use Planned Parenthood to do it, he will use the pro-abortion movement to do it. He will use the pro-gay movement to do it because you can’t get human beings out of the homosexual lifestyle; it’s not possible so that’s one way to slow population growth. He can get there through the environmental movement which is flatly opposed to population growth and actually proposes abortion policies as a way of reducing pressure on the environment. So anywhere you see that anti-human agenda, you are looking at the work of Satan himself.

Others warn that America is threatened by Nazis and the rise of a new Hitler.

President Obama is Hitler, HHS Secretary Sebelius is Himmler:

Kathleen Sebelius — the architect of the HHS mandate that forces Catholic institutions to pay for drugs that murder babies — follows the path of Hitler’s SS leader, Heinrich Himmler, in the grand scheme of Obama’s death agenda.

Radical gay activists long for the days of Hitler:

It’s obviously disingenuous when they say marriage equality for everyone and I was just pointing out the fact that it really isn’t marriage for everyone, it’s a special kind of marriage for radical gay activists. They want to impose their will on the culture and if you cannot reproduce you may try to recruit, and what I mean by that is what is going on is an attempt to reshape, refashion the mind, hearts and desires of the next generation. Many Christians are sitting back and we aren’t speaking out, but the reality is just like during the times of Hitler we have people coming after one group after another group after another group. …

Sarah Brady is just like Hitler:

In 1939, Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 6 million Jews and 7 million others, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated.

Eric Metaxas is just like Bonhoeffer, so health insurance parity for women must be just like Hitler:

Bonhoeffer was one of those who was trying to call the church to be the church and to say that if the church doesn’t recognize the threat and fight, together, we will lose. And it’s important that every American understand that this HHS mandate is a threat to the United States of America.

But only a few see the horrifying, insidious truth — the monstrous hybrid threat of the Satanazis!

The Satanic baby-killers are perpetrating a Holocaust:

We will vilify those who collaborate with the child-killers … we will dismiss those who offer trite gimmicks in place of definitive action; we will expose and mock those who present tawdry fundraising schemes as a means to end this holocaust.

The IRS does the work of Satan, just like Hitler:

How does Satan always work? False information and intimidation and fear. … We can see other countries around the world and the direction they went in when they limited Christian speech and in effect, de-Christianized themselves. [Spoken over B-roll of Hitler speaking at a rally]

 

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  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ mistformsquirrel

    Eugh… no people no, we don’t work for Satan nor are we like Hitler…  we work for Cthulu and we’re like Stalin, get it right!  Good grief you’d think it couldn’t be more obvious.

  • Hilary

    Reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw:  Cthulu for President, Why vote for the lesser of two evils?

  • Kiba
  • Enoch Root

    Where’s the article that says: “Crazy right-wing fundamentalist has moment of clarity, feels shame, finally understands salvation”?

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic. Why do they believe that? Because they are dupes, they have been deceived and fooled by the Prince of Lies, the Father of Lies and that’s why they believe and do what they do. 

    Normally I would be laughing at the irony in this clipping, but it takes all the humor out of it when the person writing it is being serious.  

  • Ima Pseudonym

    ” We will vilify those who collaborate with the child-killers … we will
    dismiss those who offer trite gimmicks in place of definitive action; we
    will expose and mock those who present tawdry fundraising schemes as a
    means to end this holocaust.”

    So….Randall Terry has discovered the internet.  Again. 

  • Parisienne

    Among all the things to be outraged about in that list, the one that really got my goat was Lady Gaga/Asia.

    They clearly want to suggest that it was Christians protesting about her shows in all the countries named, when any fule kno that Indonesia is a majority Muslim country. But since the Muzzies are also supposed to be in league with the debbil, we’ll just conveniently omit to mention that we agree with them…

  • Jenny Islander

    I want to see the verse in the Bible where God says that we are to exercise dominion over the earth by bringing back the dust storms of the Great Depression, which ripped people’s farms right out from under them.  I want to see the verse about our God-given duty to expose children to air full of lung irritants and carcinogens.  I want to see the verse that tells me that it’s a good and a joyful thing to drink mine tailings in my well water.  Where’s the one about the angels who rejoice in heaven when the last tree is cut and the last fish is caught, so that the loggers and fishermen have to find new work or fall into poverty?

    Oh, wait, this is Fundamentalist Bizarro World, where my homeschooled fundamentalist Christian classmate (during her one and only year in public school) seriously argued that we should be allowed to kill as many deer as we wanted on our island because if we killed them all, God would just make more.  The deer, BTW, had been brought to the island about sixty years previously by sport hunters.  But I guess reading back issues of the local paper was too much secular Godless humanist history for her parents.  And asking Fish and Game how the deer had gotten across so many miles of dangerous ocean was too much secular Godless humanist science.  So they just made up a story that made them feel warm and fuzzy inside and told her that.

    And in Fundamentalist Bizarro World, of course, stories that include an imaginary horde of Satanazis who want to do awful stuff to your congregation produce warm and fuzzy feelings.  We tell each other stories about how persecuted we are, so we must be saints!

  • The_L1985

     I cannot “Like” this enough.

  • Lori

     

    Oh, wait, this is Fundamentalist Bizarro World, where my homeschooled
    fundamentalist Christian classmate (during her one and only year in
    public school) seriously argued that we should be allowed to kill as
    many deer as we wanted on our island because if we killed them all, God
    would just make more.  

    Holy crap. She apparently confused God with Frito-Lay*.

    *At one time ads for Doritos snack chips, made by Frito-Lay, used the slogan “Eat all you want, we’ll make more”.

  • Jenny Islander

    I asked her why God would make more deer for us when He hadn’t made more quaggas or passenger pigeons, and she had no idea what I was talking about.  She was in 7th grade.  It’s amazing how convenient your ethical universe becomes if you just exclude all contradictory facts.  And then you teach your kids your truncated, mangled view of reality and they become victims.

    I Googled her the other day, BTW, and she’s firmly enmeshed in the subculture that doesn’t question the American Family Association’s claim to care about their welfare.  And she has kids.

  • Lori

     

    And she has kids.  

    How unfortunate.

  • Tricksterson

    Yes, God is a Magical Potato Chip.  It’s a splinter sect of Pastafarianism

  • Kiba

    Gay animals are possessed by demons…I…what?

    These people scare the hell out of me.

    I’m waiting for the biblical argument in favor of fracking, because nothing says God loves you like flammable water! 

  • heckblazer

    I do have to give bonus points for creativity for coming up with  possessed gay animals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    Weren’t there those male German penguins raising a chick in the zoo? Also heard of male giraffes who like to neck, and of course, Lesbian Seagulls.
    Altho I am sure about homosex marriage, I do believe God has a sense of humor.

  • MadGastronomer

     “Homosex” is not a proper word, and referring to gay and lesbian people or marriages between people of the same sex by it is extremely insulting. Please don’t. “Marriage equality” or “same sex marriage” are appropriate.

    And when you say you’re unsure about it, you’re saying that you’re unsure that people who aren’t like you are really people and deserve the rights that people get in our society.

  • Panda Rosa

    Just an abbrev, nothing more.
    I am well aware that homosexuals are people who deserve equal rights,  but have no desire to get into a fracas here. Please, not all disagreements are indicative of hatred or bigotry. Except over putting sugar in cornbread.

  • MadGastronomer

     If you are attempting to deny me my rights, including, yes, the right to marry, that is bigotry and hatred. Period. If you don’t want a fracas, don’t enact bigotry and hatred. Seriously, Fred has done a ton of posts on this. Go read them, get a clue, and stop saying the same stupid things that just attempt to excuse hatred and bigotry.

  • MadGastronomer

     And it is not “just an abbreviation”. It’s an abbreviation invented by the people who oppose marriage equality and who specifically want to stigmatize gay people. That’s part of — but only part of — why it’s insulting.

  • JayemGriffin

    We homosexes aren’t too sure about you, either.

  • Panda Rosa

    Just don’t do it in the street and scare the horses, so my grandmother used to say.

  • heckblazer

    Bonobo chimps will have sex with each at the drop of a banana, with members of either sex.  Male dolphins are not0rious for attempting copulation with just about anything, willing or not.  Sometimes they rape other dolphins.  Even male ones.   And yes, sometimes people.

  • PJ Evans

     Male mallards will mate with any female duck they can get their organ into, whether or not she’s of an appropriate species or interested in the act.. (In fact, it’s resulting in a kind of arms race in reproductive organs.)

  • Lori

     

      Male mallards will mate with any female duck they can get their organ
    into, whether or not she’s of an appropriate species or interested in
    the act.  

    It’s not just mallards. AFAICT pretty much all male ducks are nasty little rapists. I used to go running at a park near my house. There was a pond right near the running trail and a large number of ducks lived there. I got to hate those things.

    Also, I have a friend who keeps a small flock of chickens and she also had 2 ducks. Let’s just say that when the male duck died they were all glad to see him go.

  • PJ Evans

     When you look at bird books, they have entries for the mallard+other hybrids.

  • Tonio

    Once when my kids were little, I saw several ducks making noise and started to call out to the kids so they could see the cute animals. I stopped when I realized that these were drakes gang-raping a solitary hen.

  • heckblazer

    Oh yeah, I forgot about ducks.  Male Argentine blue bill ducks have corkscrew shaped penises that are longer than their bodies.  Females have vaginas that corkscrew in the opposite direction, to make it harder to be raped.

    This tangent reminds of a problem with young earth creationism I haven’t ever seen discussed.   If God created the world and the animals in it more or less exactly as it is today, stuff like duck rape makes Him look like one sick bastard.

  • Tricksterson

    Then how do they even reproduce?

  • heckblazer

    If you mean the ducks, through consensual sex I hope. The corkscrews aren’t very tight.  If you mean the all female lizards, parthogenisis.  That is, they give birth to more females without having to be fertilized.  They still engage in mock mating behavior, which is hypothesized to be necessary to induce ovulation (hmmm…is reproductive lesbian sex not an abomination?).

  • PJ Evans

     There’s a species of lizards, I’ve heard, that’s all female.

  • Ouri Maler

    What the…?

    In my darker moments, I sometimes despair about the possibility of dialogue. Seeing this kind of quotes tends to cause that.

  • Twig

    “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he existed.”

  • Myrkin

    If I had seen these statements in a fiction book, I would call these characters strawmen and suspect that author had some agenda against religious people.

    Problem is, some of these (real) people are already far worse than any strawman anybody could think up. :/

  • Consumer Unit 5012

    “The American Right-wing: Outpacing Satire since 2000.”

  • Atwinters

     “If this were now played upon a stage I should condemn it as an improbable fiction.”

  • Nequam

    Where’s the article that says: “Crazy right-wing fundamentalist has moment of clarity, feels shame, finally understands salvation”?

    This might be about as close as you’ll get for now, and he’s not very crazy compared to the people quoted above.

  • Nequam

    Also, I really can’t recommend Huxley’s The Devils of Loudun enough around here. (Ken Russell’s movie looks like it’s a hoot but you really need to read the more analytical material in the book.)

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    I loved the movie, but I would not call it scholarly. It’s kind of insane, like all of Russell’s movies. For another fictional account of similar events I recommend “The Eye” by King Diamond. 

    I want to check out the book now. I only read of the case in the Encyclopaedia of Witchcraft and Demonology. 

  • ohiolibrarian

    Wow! That is a full pant-load of crazy! (And a handy way to avoid an honest discussion. No need to talk to the Satanic.)

  • Geri Corvus

    The people that would wipe out the homosexuals in our country are using
    them and aligning with them today to gain power and if they gain power
    they would immediately kill all the homosexuals. You think that doesn’t
    make any sense, the devil doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t care about making sense. …

    Well, the writer isn’t making any sense with that statement, so….

  • Tonio

    With most conspiracy theories, my own, uh, theory is that they’re driven by fear of powerlessness over suffering. Far more comforting to believe that life is controlled by shadowy power brokers meeting in darkened rooms. That seems to be what is at work here, except I’m not exactly sure why they’re so fearful.

  • http://tobascodagama.com Tobasco da Gama

    It really takes the edge off all that spittle-flecked hatred if you imagine every statement above being delivered like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62Qfbrc1jdo

  • JonathanPelikan

    I prefer to imagine their words as though delivered by the Ultimate Warrior, personally. 
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkEl_R0dTfY 

  • Tonio

    Did he ever consider a career in death metal? Having been a fan of Judas Priest and classic Metallica, I can imagine myself going to a Morbid Angel or Entombed show and tossing a bottle or Robitussin on the stage.

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    You don’t have to. I think the Warrior spouts drivel like that himself rather often; he’s a right-wing speaker.

  • Tricksterson

    Now that’s someone in need of an exorcist.

  • AnonymousSam
  • Deborah Laymon

    These people frighten me. I can’t imagine — thank God — how awful this country would be under their rule. It wouldn’t be my country anymore — it would be completely antithetical to what I expect my country to be.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    All I can say is “woooooooooooooow.” (O_O)

    The intensity of their beliefs defies description.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    “The intensity of their beliefs defies description.”

    Slightly easier to understand when you realize that the intensity is the very point. This is largely  what reactionism is; to respond to challenges to one’s worldview by simply believing in it even harder while convincing oneself that it is impossible for anyone who isn’t evil to disagree with any point of it.

    Combine this with the fact that these people consider themselves the walking definitions of probity and respectibility, so that anything THEY say is by definition perfectly sensible, and viola… old men in suits spouting death metal. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-McGraw/100001988854074 Patrick McGraw

    [quote] You think that doesn’t make any sense, the devil doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t care about making sense. …[/quote]

    This is [em]brilliant[/em]. There’s no need for your slander against Those People to make any sense because Satan!

    If someone points out how the Evil Plan you describe will actually harm Those People, that isn’t a weakness in your argument, it’s proof that Those People are doing Satan’s work!

  • Tricksterson

    I’m finding it impossible to like anyone.

  • LL

    I’m kind of dreading the upcoming holiday, because I wonder which of these fucking crazy things my mother will mention, reminding me yet again that she is either a) genuinely crazy or b) just really, really stupid. I didn’t think my mother was either of those things until about 10-15 years ago. That’s when she really committed to the Fox/Republican worship.

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

    The thing is, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the idea that there’s an insidious evil force in the world that subverts the will of succeptible people  and makes them endorse things that are bad for humanity and civilization. Indeed, there are many such forces in the world. For the most part I don’t think referring to them as “Satan” is helpful, but ultimately it doesn’t matter too much what word people use.

    What I mostly object to is believing that and also believing that I, unlike those other fools, am immune to such subversion.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    “In 1939, Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 6 million Jews and 7 million others, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated.”

    Some time ago I got into an argument with a family member of mine over gun control. (Which is the say, he invented this argument out of thin air because he’s a jackass who likes conflict for conflicts sake) He asked me, in booming confidence, ‘What was the first thing the Nazis did when they took control?’  I knew where he was going with this because he had brought up the same subject some years before.  I asked him what he knew about the Weimar Republic and he asked me what Weimar meant.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    Spotted elsewhere: “If tolerance vs. wealth in nations was plotted on a big chart, America would be this weird divergent dot that all the science geeks gathered round and wrote papers about.”

    and another apt observation from the same source: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m68ui6rOFG1qzdimx.jpg

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    I dunno, you almost have to give Satan credit for Lady Gaga, the fact that this woman is famous for dressing up in meat and the like, as opposed to her actually-pretty-good-but-doesn’t-really-stand-out-in-a-crowd voice. How could we, as intelligent Americans, be so taken in. At the same time, I’m guessing Satan is probably having second thoughts about now, “Okay, Gaga sweetie honey, maybe it’s time to go in some new direction…”
    In any case check this out: http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-its-time-to-stop-paying-attention-to-lady-gaga/

  • GDwarf

     I actually rather like lady Gaga. There’s something to be said for honing showmanship to such an extent and, unlike many previous people in the same line of work (*Cough*Barnum*Cough*) she’s in no way malicious.

    Certainly beats out the Hiltons or Cardashians or whoever the media’s latched onto lately, who get even more attention for doing nothing what-so-ever.

  • elusis

    Many of the responses to this outstanding essay about Creflo Dollar assaulting his daughter  invoke Satan and suggest that questioning Dollar’s godliness or his “discipline” is the work of the devil.  It pained me to read because I know so many Black women who grew up in violent homes or spent time in violent relationships and who were given the message that they shouldn’t question the actions of Black men, especially not publicly. 

  • Tricksterson

    So, let me get this straight, pardon the pun.  It was homosexuals who supported Hitler and scads of Prtestant ministers and Catholic priests who went to death camp?  In which parallel universe?  Cause it sure wasn’t this one.

    And yes, I know not all ministers and priests vocally supported Hitler or even just stayed silent.  But those who actually did anything were few and far between.

  • AnonymousSam

    Since my name happens to coincide with at least four religions’ versions of Satan, I would like to go on record with stating that I take full responsibility for homosexuality in this world, as otherwise, we would have been deprived of some of the finest works of (primarily Japanese) art, animation and literature.

    In the event that I am not actually Satan, a universe with yaoi is still better than a universe without and I refuse to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

     Lew Siffer? Pleased to make your acquaintance! I love your records!

  • AnonymousSam
  • Tricksterson

    Don’t forget theater, especially musical theater.  For that alone i would be happy to proclaim you mt Dark Lord.

  • AnonymousSam

    Oh yes, can’t forget the theater! I caught a production of A Chorus Line a few years back and Paul San Marco was my favorite character. He had the most compelling story.

    It was actually a bit embarrassing to admit it, since I’d come to see the dancer playing a different character (either Lois or Tricia, I can’t remember which). “Yes, yes, you were great. But… don’t you just want to pinch Paul’s cheeks?! So cyuuute.

  • Turcano

    The people that would wipe out the homosexuals in our country are using
    them and aligning with them today to gain power and if they gain power
    they would immediately kill all the homosexuals. You think that doesn’t
    make any sense, the devil doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t care about making sense.

    “Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
    But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do
    with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do
    with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer
    defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does
    that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None
    of this makes sense!

    Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey!”

  • stePH

    Cthulhu is evil? How do you figure?

  • Mary

    Hello Crisis Line? Maybe you should send the men in white coats out here…

  • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

    lol. 


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