Rise of the Planet of the Satanazis

Some say that America is under attack by Satan himself.

Liberals have been duped by Satan:

You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic. Why do they believe that? Because they are dupes, they have been deceived and fooled by the Prince of Lies, the Father of Lies and that’s why they believe and do what they do.

The depraved environmental movement duplicates Satan’s method:

All of these things are signs of the depraved mind to which God gives people over when they choose not to recognize Him. The Cornwall Alliance is trying to call attention to these things to show particularly how they are dominant in the environmentalist movement. … Hierarchically it’s God, then humanity, then the earth. The environmental movement turns that upside down just as Satan did.

There’s “something Satanic” about opponents of drill, baby, drill:

I have great difficulty understanding why, here in the United States, 300 million people have more or less acquiesced to the refusal to drill our own oil. … It just seems to me that there’s something Satanic about this.

Lady Gaga is “satanic” and “a kind of devil”:

There has been much talk of devil worship, much hand-wringing and finger-pointing as the American pop star makes her way across Asia. Faithful Filipinos campaigned to ban the Born This Way Ball tour but settled for a small-scale protest. Concerned Christians in Seoul deemed her show pornographic, successfully pushing to make it an “adult-only” event. There has since been weeks of worrying about the corruption of Indonesian souls, so much so that the country’s Religious Affairs Minister, Suryadharma Ali, saw fit to comment on the canceled show. “I strongly believe this cancellation will benefit the country,” he offered.

Gay animals have been possessed by lust demons:

It is entirely possible — we know from the Bible, for example, when Jesus cast the devil out of Legion, he went into a herd of pigs. … So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust.

The First Amendment is a “lie of Satan” against our “nation under God”:

We need a new president. We need to take out Planned Parenthood, we need to stop funding them, we need to make sure they are no longer operating in our communities. … The whole lie that we don’t need Christ. … I believe it’s a direct lie, it’s a lie of Satan himself, because he wants to discourage us and because he doesn’t want out nation to be a nation under God.

President Obama serves the devil by supporting marriage equality:

President Obama has come out of the closet, so to speak, with his announcement that he’s now for brideless or groomless “marriage.” But he didn’t come out alone. He brought Jesus with him, citing Christ as his inspiration for directly attacking God’s moral order. It’s one thing to be a hypocrite, which Mr. Obama has been for years. Since he began pretending to oppose the redefinition of marriage but refusing to defend the federal Defense of Marriage Act while homosexualizing the military. It’s quite another thing, however, to invoke Christ when doing the devil’s work.

Satan using homosexuals in plot to seize power, then kill homosexuals:

The people that would wipe out the homosexuals in our country are using them and aligning with them today to gain power and if they gain power they would immediately kill all the homosexuals. You think that doesn’t make any sense, the devil doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t care about making sense. … Many of those who are being used, right now, I believe by the Devil, evil forces in the world that are trying to bring America down, if those forces took over America they would be the first ones to be killed.

Planned Parenthood, gay rights and environmentalism? “The work of Satan himself“:

We remind Satan of the God that he hates and so he wants to stir up in human beings the same kind of hatred for humanity that he has. And he’ll use Planned Parenthood to do it, he will use the pro-abortion movement to do it. He will use the pro-gay movement to do it because you can’t get human beings out of the homosexual lifestyle; it’s not possible so that’s one way to slow population growth. He can get there through the environmental movement which is flatly opposed to population growth and actually proposes abortion policies as a way of reducing pressure on the environment. So anywhere you see that anti-human agenda, you are looking at the work of Satan himself.

Others warn that America is threatened by Nazis and the rise of a new Hitler.

President Obama is Hitler, HHS Secretary Sebelius is Himmler:

Kathleen Sebelius — the architect of the HHS mandate that forces Catholic institutions to pay for drugs that murder babies — follows the path of Hitler’s SS leader, Heinrich Himmler, in the grand scheme of Obama’s death agenda.

Radical gay activists long for the days of Hitler:

It’s obviously disingenuous when they say marriage equality for everyone and I was just pointing out the fact that it really isn’t marriage for everyone, it’s a special kind of marriage for radical gay activists. They want to impose their will on the culture and if you cannot reproduce you may try to recruit, and what I mean by that is what is going on is an attempt to reshape, refashion the mind, hearts and desires of the next generation. Many Christians are sitting back and we aren’t speaking out, but the reality is just like during the times of Hitler we have people coming after one group after another group after another group. …

Sarah Brady is just like Hitler:

In 1939, Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 6 million Jews and 7 million others, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated.

Eric Metaxas is just like Bonhoeffer, so health insurance parity for women must be just like Hitler:

Bonhoeffer was one of those who was trying to call the church to be the church and to say that if the church doesn’t recognize the threat and fight, together, we will lose. And it’s important that every American understand that this HHS mandate is a threat to the United States of America.

But only a few see the horrifying, insidious truth — the monstrous hybrid threat of the Satanazis!

The Satanic baby-killers are perpetrating a Holocaust:

We will vilify those who collaborate with the child-killers … we will dismiss those who offer trite gimmicks in place of definitive action; we will expose and mock those who present tawdry fundraising schemes as a means to end this holocaust.

The IRS does the work of Satan, just like Hitler:

How does Satan always work? False information and intimidation and fear. … We can see other countries around the world and the direction they went in when they limited Christian speech and in effect, de-Christianized themselves. [Spoken over B-roll of Hitler speaking at a rally]

 

  • heckblazer

    Bonobo chimps will have sex with each at the drop of a banana, with members of either sex.  Male dolphins are not0rious for attempting copulation with just about anything, willing or not.  Sometimes they rape other dolphins.  Even male ones.   And yes, sometimes people.

  • PJ Evans

     There’s a species of lizards, I’ve heard, that’s all female.

  • PJ Evans

     Male mallards will mate with any female duck they can get their organ into, whether or not she’s of an appropriate species or interested in the act.. (In fact, it’s resulting in a kind of arms race in reproductive organs.)

  • stePH

    Cthulhu is evil? How do you figure?

  • Lori

     

      Male mallards will mate with any female duck they can get their organ
    into, whether or not she’s of an appropriate species or interested in
    the act.  

    It’s not just mallards. AFAICT pretty much all male ducks are nasty little rapists. I used to go running at a park near my house. There was a pond right near the running trail and a large number of ducks lived there. I got to hate those things.

    Also, I have a friend who keeps a small flock of chickens and she also had 2 ducks. Let’s just say that when the male duck died they were all glad to see him go.

  • PJ Evans

     When you look at bird books, they have entries for the mallard+other hybrids.

  • Mary

    Hello Crisis Line? Maybe you should send the men in white coats out here…

  • Tricksterson

    Don’t forget theater, especially musical theater.  For that alone i would be happy to proclaim you mt Dark Lord.

  • heckblazer

    Oh yeah, I forgot about ducks.  Male Argentine blue bill ducks have corkscrew shaped penises that are longer than their bodies.  Females have vaginas that corkscrew in the opposite direction, to make it harder to be raped.

    This tangent reminds of a problem with young earth creationism I haven’t ever seen discussed.   If God created the world and the animals in it more or less exactly as it is today, stuff like duck rape makes Him look like one sick bastard.

  • Tonio

    Once when my kids were little, I saw several ducks making noise and started to call out to the kids so they could see the cute animals. I stopped when I realized that these were drakes gang-raping a solitary hen.

  • AnonymousSam

    Oh yes, can’t forget the theater! I caught a production of A Chorus Line a few years back and Paul San Marco was my favorite character. He had the most compelling story.

    It was actually a bit embarrassing to admit it, since I’d come to see the dancer playing a different character (either Lois or Tricia, I can’t remember which). “Yes, yes, you were great. But… don’t you just want to pinch Paul’s cheeks?! So cyuuute.

  • Consumer Unit 5012

    “The American Right-wing: Outpacing Satire since 2000.”

  • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

    lol. 

  • Tricksterson

    Then how do they even reproduce?

  • Panda Rosa

    Just an abbrev, nothing more.
    I am well aware that homosexuals are people who deserve equal rights,  but have no desire to get into a fracas here. Please, not all disagreements are indicative of hatred or bigotry. Except over putting sugar in cornbread.

  • Panda Rosa

    Just don’t do it in the street and scare the horses, so my grandmother used to say.

  • heckblazer

    If you mean the ducks, through consensual sex I hope. The corkscrews aren’t very tight.  If you mean the all female lizards, parthogenisis.  That is, they give birth to more females without having to be fertilized.  They still engage in mock mating behavior, which is hypothesized to be necessary to induce ovulation (hmmm…is reproductive lesbian sex not an abomination?).

  • MadGastronomer

     If you are attempting to deny me my rights, including, yes, the right to marry, that is bigotry and hatred. Period. If you don’t want a fracas, don’t enact bigotry and hatred. Seriously, Fred has done a ton of posts on this. Go read them, get a clue, and stop saying the same stupid things that just attempt to excuse hatred and bigotry.

  • MadGastronomer

     And it is not “just an abbreviation”. It’s an abbreviation invented by the people who oppose marriage equality and who specifically want to stigmatize gay people. That’s part of — but only part of — why it’s insulting.

  • Atwinters

     “If this were now played upon a stage I should condemn it as an improbable fiction.”


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X