We have our Chloe: Ashley Tisdale joins Left Behind reboot

Deadline tells us that Ashley Tisdale of High School Musical fame (well, “fame” if your kids were the age of my kids in 2006) is joining the cast of the new Left Behind movie. She’ll be playing Chloe Steele.

Meet the next Chloe Steele.

Sadly, Deadline also confirms that she will thus be playing the daughter of Nicholas Cage’s character, Rayford Steele — so my dream of Nic as Nicolae is not to be.

Kristy Puchko of Cinemablend has a “what is she thinking” item about Tisdale taking the part. We didn’t see a lot of people asking that question when Nic Cage signed on — not because it made sense for Cage as a career move, but because most people have long ago stopped expecting Nic Cage’s career moves to make sense.

So the new Left Behind movie still needs a Bruce Barnes, and a Dirk Burton. Plus an Irene Steele for the pre-Rapture flashback sequences. And, of course, an Antichrist.

If I can’t have Nic Cage, my next pick would be Christopher Walken. Yes, I know he’s too old, but nobody else seems quite Walken enough for the part. Even though he doesn’t look anything like “a young Robert Redford,” if Christopher Walken were playing the Antichrist, I’d gladly plunk down the cost of a theater ticket even if the entire movie consisted of nothing but Nicolae’s nine-language speech at the United Nations with him reciting the names of all the countries of the world alphabetically.

Christopher Walken reciting the names of 196 countries while a room filled with stereotypically clad extras stands and cheers. I would pay to watch that in 48 FPS 3-D.

Alas, it won’t be Walken either. Or Crispin Glover.

  • Darakou

    Sadly it seems if you go to see this you’ll be Walken out disappointed.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    Apparently, Crispin Glover and Nicolas Cage are friends.  So it’s not completely outside the bounds of possibility for Glover to be cast in the new movies.  Because Crispin Glover would rock as Nicolae.

  • King Dededede

    Guess H. Jon Benjamin will have to be Nicolae then.  Jessica Walter can still be Irene?

  • Cradicus

    I was thinking “Wasn’t Walken already the antichrist in something? But I was confusing that with when he played the angel Gabriel. They’re both apocalypse based, seems a fair mistake!

  • firefall

    Walken would be great, but surely there’s only one actor to cast as Nicolae …. Robert Redford

  • CAThompson

    I still don’t see why Cage can’t play all the parts.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Speaking of Robert Redford… has anyone noticed that civilian!Lee Adama looks kind of like Robert Redford from the 1970s?

    EDIT: NGL, Ashley strikes me as more the one who might play Hattie, due to her blond hair.

  • flat

    singing voice:

    this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck,this is going to suck

    Oh yeah.

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    Tisdale will probably be the only Sons of Anarchy alumnus in this movie. 

  • Andrew_Ryans_Caddy

    Wait. This is a real thing? There is really going to be a Left Behind movie with Nicholas Cage and

    “it will be helmed by stuntman turned filmmaker Vic Armstrong, whose only previous directorial feature was a 1993 Dolph Lungren action movie called Army of One.”

    This is going to be incredible.

  • http://twitter.com/AbelUndercity Abel Undercity

    Oh, Tom, Crow, and Mike, you left us far too soon…

  • HerrMorden

    http://www.rifftrax.com/

    Its ok, they are here to help!

  • Launcifer

    No, what we want for this, right, is Jay Mohr doing his Christopher Walken impression. Seriously. For one thing, it’s uncannily good and, for another, because he’s Jay Mohr it looks wrong on so many levels – which would serve to accurately sum up my feelings on the whole thing.

  • prufrock

    I am never going to be able to watch “Phineas and Ferb” the same way again.

  • Persia

     I would totally watch that.

  • Persia

     Keep trying, Chloe, you’ll never bust the Antichrist.

  • Redcrow

    I know that (most) actors are (most of the time) not their characters, but, oh, if Ashley really were Sharpay… You think she’d be content with playing *Chloe*?!  Either we’d get a much more interesting Chloe than in book canon, or a female Antichrist.

  • Ben English

     Tisdale is rather young to play Hattie. Also, apparently Chloe was actually blond in the books, which is something I don’t think Jenkins got around to mentioning until after the Wrath of the Lamb.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Riastlin-Lovecraft/100000678992705 Riastlin Lovecraft

    I’m still hoping for Jeremy Irons…Or maybe they’ll go all the way and get the many-coloured master himself, Sir Christoffer Lee :o

    ….I can dream :/

  • histrogeek

     Train wreck incredible maybe. I fear it won’t even be that good. Nick Cage as Rayford? Lots of scene chewing to be had sitting in the cockpit quietly disapproving of the greatest evil in cosmic history. Sigh.

  • GeniusLemur

    Actually, Nic Cage’s career moves do make sense if you figure he’s as good at managing his career as he is at acting.

  • thatsmrjuice2u

    I’ve always thought that Alice Cooper would make a great AntiChrist in one of these rapture movies.

  • Jim Roberts

    I will be continually expecting Chloe to try to bust Nicolae, only to be stopped at the last minute by crazy random happenstance.

  • Michael Pullmann

     YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

  • Vermic

    Tisdale’s got good comedic chops.  Might this movie turn out to be a campy self-parody?  An intentional one, I mean?

  • Ian

    It stars Nicholas Cage.  It will be a parody, intentional or not. 

  • Jim Roberts

    The really good news, I won’t have to spend a single shiny dime to watch it. Just pick it up on Syfy when it shows up at the Saturday Bad Movie.

  • Ethics Gradient

     I think they should go with Alexander Armstrong – unprecedented experience of saying “kill them…” to henchmen in a vague Eastern European accent (he normally does about one each episode of ‘Armstrong and Miller’)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lZks_VZyX8
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDN3LWWey5E

  • TheDarkArtist

    Dave Chappelle should play Nicolae. It wouldn’t make any sense, but I bet Chappelle could play a fantastic over-the-top supervillain. Especially if the studio decided to really play up the mind-control powers thing, and just let him go nuts.

    Then again, being black and Muslim, I don’t think that Chappelle would be too into taking that role. He’d sure as hell terrify the target audience, though!

  • aunursa

    I read that first sentence too fast. I read it as:
    Ashley Tisdale is joining the cast of the new Left Behind musical.

  • Lori

    This is just going to be embarrassing for all involved. 

    The question isn’t what Tisdale was thinking, it’s what her manager was thinking. There’s a reason actors pay other people to help them manage their careers. Whoever is managing Tisdale’s is not doing a good job and whatever she’s paying him/her is too much. Ashley was never destined to be The Next Big Thing and a HUGE STAR, but there’s no reason for her to sink to doing a C grade project marketed mainly at a subculture that vocally hates Hollywood and demonstrably has no taste whatsoever.

  • aunursa

    So the new Left Behind movie still needs a Bruce Barnes, and a Dirk Burton. Plus an Irene Steele for the pre-Rapture flashback sequences. And, of course, an Antichrist.

    I would rather they just have had the same original cast playing different roles…

    Have the actor who played Dirk Burton now play Buck Williams.
    Jonathan Stonegal will now play Rayford Steele.
    Ivy will now play Chloe.
    Nicolae (Gordon Currie) will now play Bruce Barnes.
    Kirk Cameron will now play the brief role of Ken Ritz.

    etc.

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

    Christopher Walken reciting the names of 196 countries while a room
    filled with stereotypically clad extras stands and cheers. I would pay
    to watch that in 48 FPS 3-D.

    I’ve often thought that  “James Earl Jones Reads the Phonebook” would be better than many movies I’ve sat through.

  • JohnB

    From Ms. Tisdale’s Wikipedia page ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Tisdale ):

    ” In January, 2013, Tisdale was cast to star in the movie Left Behind as Chloe Steele, a young woman that wanders America looking to find any remaining members of her family, along with Nicolas Cage.”

    Which doesn’t sound like the plot of the books much.  Perhaps they’re rewriting the story?

  • Peaslepuff

     Oh, why can’t this be a thing? It would make my life.

  • Lori

    And now I’m picturing Sharpey as Caine*, which is making my head hurt.

    *http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung_Fu_%28TV_series%29

  • christopher_y

    Perhaps they’re rewriting the story?

    We can but hope.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    That’s not the plot of the books, but Chloe does travel from Palo Alto, California to Chicago (about 2000 miles, right?)  completely on her own in the middle of the Rapture judgment. Which must have been terrifying, and suspenseful (planes were falling out of the sky, driverless cars were careening out of control, it was Armageddon’s first act, after all)… but none of it is actually seen on the books. Chloe just appears, as if by magic, at her house. 

  • Wingedwyrm

    Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll cast Bruce Campbell as the antichrist.  We know from Burn Notice that he’s a good actor when the part calls for it, but also that he can ham it up with the best of ‘em.  So, his ham vs Cage’s ham, and craft services will only have to supply the bread.

  • Vermic

    The change makes sense because this film’s adopting a more disaster-movie approach than the books, and a standard subplot in disaster flicks is “character braves the disaster to travel cross-country to reunite with loved one, especially if they were estranged when the movie started”.  So it’s easy to see how Chloe’s journey home would be given more attention.

    I do like the Wikipedia description, though.  I picture Chloe trekking through the chaos of middle America asking everyone, “Have you seen any remaining members of my family and/or Nicolas Cage?  Either is acceptable.”

    For my money, Kelsey Grammer is the only Antichrist I could get behind.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    Maybe it’s just me who sees the resemblence, but Kesha as Chloe Steele would be face-melting badass.

  • Vermic

    Appearing in a stinkburger like Left Behind would completely ruin Ke$ha’s career!  Still, there’s probably a downside I’m not seeing.

  • Tricksterson

    Oh!  The idea of Left Behind as a musical.  Oh joyous Rapture!

  • Tricksterson

    Okay God, You know I hate you and I know you hate me but make this happen and I will build a cathedral in your honor.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    Love how the article title can be read as a description of her career path: “Ashley Tisdale To Be Left Behind With Nicolas Cage”

  • EJ

    David Caruso could make a fantastic Nicolae.  He’s reputedly not very smart, so I’m sure he could be convinced.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Now I’m trying to imagine Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Misha Collins playing Nicolae. Not all at once obviously, but I bet all of them would get a kick out of it.

    And then the part of Supernatural fandom that likes to play with other media starring the Supernatural leads would have an absolute ball.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I’m sure that…

    *sunglasses*

    He’ll be full of Rapture.

    YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

  • Launcifer

    Yeah, ’cause putting Cage and Caruso in the same film worked so well with Kiss of Death. Although… there is a certain appeal to casting Samuel L. Jackson as TurboJesus, assuming that the series makes it all the way.

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     

    Not all at once obviously

    Oh, I dunno. Having a different actor play Nicolae in each scene might be a useful way of capturing the narrative coherence of the original text in a visual framework.


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