The internal memo from former Groupon CEO Andrew Mason seems timely, considering that today marks the first full day of another prominent CEO’s resignation.
That other chief executive is no longer on Twitter, but if he wants to send out one final email to his employees, he might use Mason’s final message as a template, coming up with something like this:
Grouponthe Roman Catholic Church,
four and a halfnearly eight intense and wonderful years as CEO of Grouponthe pope, Bishop of Rome and Vicar of Jesus Christ, and Successor of St. Peter, Prince of the Apostles, I’ve decided that I’d like to spend more time with my family.
Just kidding — I was fired today. If you’re wondering why… you haven’t been paying attention. From
controversial metrics in our S1 to our material weakness to two quarters of missing our own expectations and a stock price that’s hovering around one quarter of our listing price,“intellectual collapse in the West, the stench of moral corruption revealed by the decades of child-rape and cover-ups, and the resort to the crudest forms of authority and reactionaryism in response to new ideas, discoveries and truths about human nature” the events of the last year and a halfseven years speak for themselves. As CEOSupreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, I am accountable.You are doing amazing things at Grouponin the Church, and you deserve the outside world to give you a second chance. I’m getting in the way of that. A fresh CEOpope earns you that chance. The board is aligned behind the strategy we’ve shared over the last few months, and I’ve never seen you working together more effectively as a global company –It’s time to give Grouponthe body of Christ a relief valve from the public noise.
For those who are concerned about me, please don’t be — I love
Grouponthe Church, and I’m terribly proud of what we’ve created. I’m OK with having failed at this part of the journey. If Grouponthe Vatican was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through. I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to take the company this far with all of you. I’ll now take some time to decompress ( FYI I’m looking for a good fat camp to lose my Groupon 40, if anyone has a suggestionthat’s what George and I like to call it these days), and then maybe I’ll figure out how to channel this experience into something productive.
If there’s one piece of wisdom that this simple pilgrim would like to impart upon you: have the courage to start with the
customerlaity, the poor and the oppressed. My biggest regrets are the moments that I let a lack of data override my intuition on what’s best for our customersall of God’s children. This leadership change gives you some breathing room to break bad habits and deliver sustainable customer happinessseek first the kingdom — don’t waste the opportunity!
I will miss you terribly.