7 things @ 9 o’clock (11.27)

1. Pope Francis made a big splash yesterday with Evangelii Gaudium — an 84-page “apostolic exhortation” that I hope to get to read more of soon. The snippets I’ve seen so far sound … feisty:

• “Today, everything comes under the laws of competition and the survival of the fittest, where the powerful feed upon the powerless. As a consequence, masses of people find themselves excluded and marginalized: without possibilities, without any means of escape.”

• “I encourage financial experts and political leaders to ponder the words of one of the sages of antiquity: ‘Not to share one’s wealth with the poor is to steal from them and to take away their livelihood. It is not our own goods which we hold, but theirs.'”

• “Some simply content themselves with blaming the poor and the poorer countries themselves for their troubles; indulging in unwarranted generalizations, they claim that the solution is an ‘education’ that would tranquilize them, making them tame and harmless. All this becomes even more exasperating for the marginalized …”

• “As long as the problems of the poor are not radically resolved by rejecting the absolute autonomy of markets and financial speculation and by attacking the structural causes of inequality, no solution will be found for the world’s problems or, for that matter, to any problems.”

• “The Pope loves everyone, rich and poor alike, but he is obliged in the name of Christ to remind all that the rich must help, respect and promote the poor. I exhort you to generous solidarity and a return of economics and finance to an ethical approach which favors human beings.”

Some initial reactions and thoughts from: James Martin, Daniel Burke, Eric J. Lyman, David Badash, Adventus, Timothy Morgan.

2. Evangelii Gaudium means “Joy of the Gospel,” and Francis’ exhortation apparently urges Christians to conduct evangelism from a place of joy. Perhaps a more important consideration for Christian evangelism awaits us in an upcoming decision from the U.S. Supreme Court, which has agreed to determine whether or not American for-profit corporations are, in fact, persons with religious beliefs.

If the Supreme Court rules that corporations are religious people, then evangelicals will have to start preaching the gospel to this guy. No, not to the human being in the costume, but to the actual corporate entity, Burger King Worldwide Inc. (BKW).

If Hobby Lobby et. al. are determined to be such people — faithful, religious people — then our duty as Christians is clear: We must preach the gospel to all corporations and save their immortal souls.

It saddens me to think of all the corporations that may have been dissolved in bankruptcy before this legal decision. They died in their sins without ever hearing the gospel and having the chance to pray the sinners prayer.

We’re going to have to start flooding Wilmington, Del., with armies of missionaries to reach the unreached people groups of the NYSE and the NASDAQ.

3. Interesting and somewhat encouraging: “Truth Wins Out commended The Salvation Army today for removing links to two notorious ‘ex-gay’ ministries that it had listed as sexual addiction resources. The move is consistent with the organization’s new campaign against LGBT discrimination.”

4. Trigger warning for this because it’s a tale of rape, rape-culture and injustice. But it’s also a tale of enormous courage and righteous anger in response to all of that. Melissa Harris-Perry’s interview with Courtney Andrews is incredibly powerful.

5. District court nominations by white presidents filibustered in U.S. Senate in all of American history: 3

District court nominations by black presidents filibustered in U.S. Senate: 20

Senate filibusters of executive nominees by white presidents since World War II: 20

Senate filibusters of executive nominees by black presidents since World War II: 54

6. “Here too’s a cause divinely spun
For those whose eyes are on the sun,
Here in epitome
Is all disgrace
And epic wrong.
Like wine to brace
The minstrel heart, and blare it into song.
Surely, I said,
Now will the poets sing.
But they have raised no cry.
I wonder why.”

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  • Launcifer

    Nah, she’s looking at the actress who’s about to steal all of the dreams she had for her own career by appearing in actual films.

  • Launcifer

    It almost makes you want to take a chance on Hell, actually, just in case all the fun stuff is kept in warehouses down there. Just turn left at the lake of fire.

  • Daniel

    Eternal punishment on the right, bouncy castles, ice cream and gin on the left. That was the plot of a Twilight Zone that got a severe rewrite to become A Nice Place to Visit. Originally it was about a pearly queen taken to a lake of gin, mountains of ice cream and all the bouncy castles she could want. Black and white film really didn’t do the results justice.

  • MikeJ

    We’re going to have to start flooding Wilmington, Del., with armies of
    missionaries to reach the unreached people groups of the NYSE and the
    NASDAQ.

    Nah. Once the Supremes rule that yelling “religion” allows you to ignore any law you don’t like, Wall Street is going to be a literal temple to Mammon. And that is a literal use of literal.

    Very soon after Wall Street converts to a religious sector, expect to hear from the rapture loons that finally the Temple has been rebuilt, Supply Side Jesus will be coming back any day!

  • Guest

    “Wall Street is going to be a literal temple to Mammon’

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    “Wall Street is going to be a literal temple to Mammon”

    ‘Is going to be’. That’s quaint.

    http://barthsnotes.com/2008/10/30/spiritual-warfare-on-wall-street/

  • https://pjevansgen.wordpress.com/ P J Evans

    This picture was what came to my mind, too.
    you can tell how popular that bull is by how well it’s been polished.

  • Daniel

    A golden cow… was there not something in that book about that?

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I’m also reminded of how Dubya got some of the firefighters and police officers who were 9/11 first responders to come and ring the opening bell at the NYSE.

    and in the end, it was considered more important to keep the casino going than to treat the first responders decently, as judged from the shafting some of them have gotten over the years.

  • smrnda

    This reminds me of someone who spoke that some people were passing out Bibles in some commerce related venue. They said “I felt like taking a scourge and saying ‘know you not this is a house of commerce? And you have turned it into a den of prayer!'” Mammon too is a jealous god.

  • Kubricks_Rube

    Oxen? “I will come and serve you”? I’d like a quick peek at the cookbook before I take a bite of what’s in all likelihood my heathen friends and family who didn’t get the banquet invite. The Lake of Fire is one giant crock-pot if you ask me.

  • aunursa
  • Kubricks_Rube

    The punchline to the article is pretty great.

  • Daniel

    Right to left-
    Chloe Williams (nee Steele)
    Cameron “Buck” Williams
    Hattie Durham
    Bruce Barnes
    Rayford Steele
    Nicolae Carpathia

  • tricksterson

    So that’s what the Rapture’s really all about! Yahweh ordering takeout.

  • Daniel

    The end of the world- a man grimmacing like a constipated chipmunk, a surprised woman and the smoke of two badly planned barbeques. Are you ready?

  • Launcifer

    And I’ll have you know that grimace somehow encompasses more emotion than Brad Pitt managed to show during the entirety of World War Z – and if that’s getting a sequel then of course Cageford should get eleven of the buggers.

    Either that or someone on the production team seriously misinterpreted the meaning of the phrase “disaster movie”.

  • Lori

    I didn’t see World War Z because what they did to the book ticked me off, but I heard it was pretty bad. Are they doing a sequel? The very idea gives me a headache.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    I’ve never seen either, but apparently this is accurate.

  • Lori

    That movie is high on my list of examples of “If you don’t actually want to make a movie from the book then don’t buy the rights to the book.”

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    I thought the same when Square Enix announced that they bought the rights to the Legacy of Kain games, but they only intend to use a period of history in the game universe that the games never really touched upon, so that they could avoid having anything to do with the existing storyline material, and also they don’t like anything to do with most of the games and just want to make it a multiplayer fighting game.

    And then they announced that they had also cancelled the game’s proper sequel.

    I had ill words to speak of them that day. And right now. Fuck you, you fucking terrible people. I hope you all get horrible venereal diseases.

  • Vermic

    The book and movie pretty much have nothing to do with each other other than the title.

    Personally I thought the book was “meh” and I also thought the movie was “meh”, but they were “meh” in completely different ways.

  • Lori

    I had some issues with the book, but it still bugged the crap out of me that the movie ignored the entire point of it. If you want a star vehicle for Brad Pitt then don’t buy the rights to a book whose entire point is about the fact that there’s no big damn hero.

  • tricksterson

    I think he would have done well as the reporter, which admittedly isn’t an action role but is the closest the book comes to a main character.

  • Eric Boersma

    I really like the current Pope. I’m a Protestant and wince every time I hear him pray to the Virgin Mary for inspiration and support, but the guy’s doing a better job of living a Christ-like life than I ever have. Despite what the “Faith, Not Works” crowd says, I’m almost positive that makes him the better Christian.

    Not trying to be too hard on you here, because I think your heart is in the right place, but this paragraph is cringe-worthy. You seem to have a lot of misconceptions about what Catholics actually do and believe which could be resolved pretty quickly just by doing a bit of reading on basic Catholic theologies.

  • chgo_liz

    Which part is wrong? Do Catholics not pray to Mary for inspiration and support, or is the Pope not living a Christ-like (I would have said Christ-inspired) life? Serious question….I can’t figure out what the misconception could be in that paragraph.

  • aunursa

    As a Jew, I find it amusing and ironic that a Protestant would cringe at the thought of Catholics praying to the Virgin Mary.

  • arghous

    1 Timothy 2:5: For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

    Praying to Mary for any type of intercession is completely unnecessary. The veneration of Mary still makes me wince, even though I’ve shed the Judeo/Christo/Muslo premise.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    It may be unnecessary but Catholicism considers it impolite and a bit immodest to go pestering the creator of the universe with your piddly little problems.

  • arghous

    So dumping said problems on Mary is not considered impolite nor immodest? Interesting.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    Well, Mary’s like upper middle management for God, so you’d probably only want to do that if it’s a big issue and you don’t want to take it up with your immediate supervisor.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    Turning Heaven into a bureaucratic hierarchy… rather like the Church itself…

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    I keep saying this: the key to understanding Catholic theology is to understand that just as the british are fundamentally oriented toward queues, the fundamental building-block of catholic thinking is a hierarchy. As soon as you’ve got two of anything in catholocism, the first question they ask is which one gets top billing.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    Seems like it rather goes against the message of Galatians 3:28 to me. :p
    “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. But some of us are more one than others, so don’t bother us in the afterlife, because seriously, that’s what middle-management is for, and furthermore, whoever keeps stuffing the suggestions box with requests for more dubstep songs, we will find you. You have been warned.”

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    Boy am I going to be in trouble when they get to my suggestion for more barbershop harmony.

  • Guest

    Are you Catholic, Ross?

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    I used to be.

  • J_Enigma32

    For some reason, I thought of Chinese mythology there for a second…

  • https://pjevansgen.wordpress.com/ P J Evans

    If you want something from the Boss, talk to the executive assistant, because she controls the calendar.

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    arghous, brother (possibly sister), just stop digging. I’m a Protestant as well, and I frankly don’t understand the whole, Catholic intercessory prayer thing myself, but I know enough not to talk about it like I understand it. Either take catechism or just don’t. Just . . . don’t.

  • arghous

    Yes, I certainly don’t have any type of understanding what it might mean to say one should take our piddly little problems to Mary instead of God. That doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. Christians are exhorted to “pray constantly”. I’m guessing some praying is then going to happen even when in the midst of piddly problems, even when in the heat of things one is unable to properly partition the prayers to whichever saint. In my (admittedly limited (Lutheran)) catechism, I was given the impression that God had enough cycles to deal with prayers. Yes, even the ones for piddly little problems. And that God did not consider that impolite or immodest.

    But further study, albeit not in the formal catechismic setting you apparently feel grants legitimization, of Paul in particular (I Timothy and 1 Thessalonians, as already mentioned), but also of Jesus (“call no man your father”), argues against certain teachings as being wince-worthy.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    There’s a bit in Thomas Aquinas which I can’t be bothered to look up now (especially as my son’s pile of pending Christmas Presents is in front of the theology section of my bookcase) where he says, basically, “Yes, God could personally handle everything, but one of the ways in which God is perfect is that he is perfect at management, and being perfect at management means that you delegate stuff appropriately.”

  • arghous

    That’s an interesting idea. It’s similar to an idea going around at the fundamentalist church I was once a member of. In the early 80’s, during the heyday of all the ‘leadership’ books put out by high-rolling CEOs and their religous wannabes, we had Christian leadership classes (really called that) that emphasized Jesus as the perfect leader. Among the perfect leadership techniques one admired in Jesus were his teaching skills (to all mankind), discipleship skills (to his close followers), work ethic, and humor (I never understood that one). So delegation was a proper skill for us to master as well.

  • smrnda

    Call no man your father? But what if the man is, literally, one’s biological father? I can just imagine some Protestant sect insisting on calling human fathers ‘dad’ instead of ‘father’ to be in line with that.

    Kind of reminds me of how some Protestants were not keen on the potato at first, since it was a crop not mentioned in the Bible.

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    Look, I’m not going to get into a hermeneutic-measuring contest with you. I’m just not. I’m trying to let you know that if you think you’re approaching your brothers and sisters with love as your guidepost and mercy in your speech, you’re not.

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    Sometimes you need to go ask Dad, but sometimes it’s just more comforting to have a chat with Mom.

    And harping on how much other people’s practices make you wince may be lesser in scale, but is similar in kind, to how some relationships make other people gag.

  • http://dagobah.net/flash/udonge.swf Necrofantasia

    Touche. ^__^

    Although I’d hope that if I do good things and encourage others to do likewise, and recognize the reign of a just and merciful God, you’d consider that I got the important stuff right even if key points of my theology are all screwed up.

    Which is kinda my point with the Pope: I may disagree with several key points of Roman Catholic theology, but in regards to the heart and soul of what Christianity is all about, he’s got it down, and is better at actually doing it than I am.

  • smrnda

    I note that different Protestant sects go positively nuts denouncing whatever looks like improper worship among other groups of Christians. I even heard a guy once say that Christians need to pray to God the Father specifically *in Jesus name* so there seems to be a bit of a dispute as to how to address the 3 parts of the trinity.

  • tatortotcassie

    Catholics ask Mary to pray for them and to intercede on their behalf with Jesus (see Wedding at Cana.) Why is that wince-worthy? I wouldn’t wince if you asked a friend to pray for you. This is the same idea.

    Writing the phrase “Despite what the “Faith, Not Works” crowd says” sort of makes you sound like you are part of the Fatih, Not Works party yourself.

  • Eric Boersma

    See: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/standingonmyhead/do-catholics-pray-to-mary

    There’s nuance there that you seem to be missing. But more importantly, it’s language like “I wince every time”. You’re placing yourself in a culturally superior position simply by virtue of being protestant.

    Full disclosure: I’m a protestant. I have different beliefs than the Pope. I have a different theology. I think some of the things that protestant theology provides me are better than Catholic theology. I think some things Catholics believe are better than what protestants believe. But I recognize that our beliefs (both mine, and a given Catholic’s) are very tightly held, and I can respect and seek to understand those beliefs without being made uncomfortable by them or accepting them myself.

    What you originally posted was something of a backhanded compliment. That’s not helpful. It makes me sad to see someone else’s religion disrespected just as it makes me sad to see my own religion disrespected. Especially someone who has as much pull as the Pope. Especially this one.

  • chgo_liz

    I didn’t post anything of the sort.

  • http://dagobah.net/flash/udonge.swf Necrofantasia

    Arghous sums it up nicely by quoting 1st Timothy 2:5.

    I don’t think (like many Protestants do) that Catholics are praying to the saints as though they were themselves gods; a Catholic friend equated it to asking people in your church to pray for you. If God’s willing to listen to, say, Pastor Bob if he asks Him to help you out, how much more is He going to listen to a luminary like St. Peter?

    However, as we are redeemed children of God with Christ Himself as an intercessor, it seems kind of like an extra, unnecessary step. It be like if I, Jesus, and St. Peter were all sitting down at a table and eating, and Jesus has the salt, and I ask St. Peter if he could kindly ask Jesus to pass the salt my way. I imagine Jesus would be like, “Dude, I’m *right here.* I can hear you asking. You can just ask Me directly.”

  • https://pjevansgen.wordpress.com/ P J Evans

    Well, i can see it if Jesus is on the other side of Peter, with a couple of empty chairs going around the other direction.

  • esmerelda_ogg

    “I don’t think it’s going to happen based on the time we have here on Earth.” – Yeesh. Apparently he thinks we’re already living on the Timkins Timeline. Which is several steps farther into insanity than I realized any of these folks had traveled.

  • Daniel

    And conveniently manages to ignore that it’s been the best part of 20 years since the first book, and still no Rapture.* I think there may still be time. The greater worry is when Nicholas Cage is finally going to realise this is not all some terrible dream. It can’t be long…

    *I warned you I’d start italicising things all the time. I bet you thought I was joking, didn’t you?

  • esmerelda_ogg

    But Daniel, everybody knows you never joke!

    As for Nicholas Cage – I wonder, is he a good enough actor to get away with snarking the material onscreen? You know he’ll want to.

  • Daniel

    “Not the locusts!”

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    *drops handkerchief*

    Reference to Wicker Man – made me laugh until milk came out nose. 10 yard penalty, still first down.

  • Daniel

    It’s not mentioned in detail in the Bible, but I like to think the winged girly haired brass bodied locusts’ human face is that of John Travolta. Obviously Rayford wants to take that face…off!

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    Hey, remember that time that Rayford steals a study Bible from a gas station and it’s followed by a four-minute continuous shot of him trying to evade capture? What book was that?

  • Daniel

    Holly Hunter to play Amanda, I think. Then they can evade John Goodman as Famine on his motorbike and try to hide the reborn Christ in a hilarious slapstick farce.

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    . . .
    Dear God, do I want to see this movie.

    Raising Armageddon. Writes itself.

  • Daniel

    Cast Gary Sinise as Nicolae and make it more sinister (Siniseter?) by giving him Snake Eyes. The more I think about it Nicholas Cage’s entire career was building to this. All the predictions these films are based on are horribly inaccurate, as we know. Instead of their messed up reading of the Bible they should have been watching the career of Nicholas Cage.

    What’s the name of one of his uncle’s most famous films? Apocalypse Now.
    My case, it is rested.

  • Vermic

    Cage also worked with David Lynch (in Wild at Heart), and frankly I can’t imagine any director more qualified to make a film about suburbanites and Biblical Revelation. Left Behind is the work Lynch has been building toward his whole career.

  • http://batman-news.com Jim Roberts

    Yeeeeees!

  • tricksterson

    Raising an Heir is all very well
    but naught to compare
    With raising a bit of Hell

    Don’t know why that sprung to maind, it just seemed appropriate

    Plus I love Kiss Me Kate

  • Daniel

    “Let’s give ’em the business HAW HAW HAW!”

  • commonlaw504

    “I have the power…” ? He looks nothing like He-Man.

  • Daniel

    “I have the Power! Lucifer is Lord! You see, I don’t believe in God or Christianity, so I naturally worship the figures of that religion’s extended mythology! Everyone has to believe there’s something supernatural running things! HAW HAW HAW!”

  • Launcifer

    No, no, that’s a serious typographical error, right there. Repeat after me: Launcifer is Lord. There we go, all better now.

    On a related note, I would just like to make it absolutely clear that I have no idea why Stalin was giving me advice: I spent the whole damn night thinking I was talking to Errol Flynn’s stunt double.

  • Daniel

    I thought he was more Vincent Price or Charlton Heston in Touching Evil
    Oh, and hail Launcifer my dark lord.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Hi, what’s a metaphorical turn of phrase?

  • Daniel

    [in the house in a heartbeat begins quietly. Shot of Chloe in slow motion, walking into baggage claim. Black screen]
    Booming voice of that trailer announcer: THIS SUMMER
    Chloe [on the phone]: Hi Buck, I’ve just arrived at the airport…
    Booming man: An ordinary trip to Chicago…
    [Shot of her watching the carousel.]
    Chloe: Yeah…I’m just waiting for my bag
    B.M: What she doesn’t know is
    [shot of the carousel. There are several bags there. Cut to Chloe’s increasingly confused face]
    Chloe: Wait Buck… there are a few bags that look the same…
    B.M: Things are about to change forever
    Chloe: No, I’m sure my bag had a label…
    [Music gets to that bit.]
    Caption: What do you do when the world stops spinning?
    Chloe [terrified]: The label! It’s the label!
    Caption: When there’s nothing left to rely on?
    Chloe: Oh Buck! Someone! Help me! The label… It’s fallen off!
    Caption: This summer make sure you’re luggage isn’t

    LEFT BEHIND

  • The_L1985

    10/10 would watch again

  • chgo_liz

    These are charged words, known to be used to demean science. They’re being used erroneously. I’m sure it’s a case of ignorance, not malice, but it still perpetuates a false dichotomy between science and Christianity.

  • J_Enigma32

    Actually, I think he’s probably making a reference to Social Darwinism – which is all about “survival of the fittest” in the misunderstood sense.

  • Daniel

    “they shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat”
    Because that would be Socialism.

  • Vermic

    The hell of it is, in Isaiah 65 God’s meaning is pretty clear: “There will eventually come good times when nobody’s going to conquer you and take your stuff, and you can work your fields in peace.”

    It takes a very blinkered reading to interpret the chapter as a literal depiction of heaven. It takes a very dense reading to deduce from it that everyone will be vegans because meat isn’t specifically mentioned.

    And it takes a whole lot of balls to claim that YOU, the 21st Century Real True American Christian, are the intended recipient of Isaiah’s message of hope, and not his fellow Jews whom he was addressing. It’s the equivalent of taking someone else’s wedding album and pasting your head over the groom’s face.

  • Daniel

    “It’s the equivalent of taking someone else’s wedding album and pasting your head over the groom’s face.”

    You say that like it’s a bad thing. The point everyone seems to miss is I would have been much better for her than him and I have an album full of pictures to show it. I certainly looked better in his suit.

  • tricksterson

    Isn’t that last part Christianity in a nutshell?

  • The_L1985

    So it’s a case of Nicky Whelan looking very young for her age.

  • Ben English

    On the other hand, as incompetent as the poster is, it could just be that differences in photography/lighting/makeup made her appear younger than the 20 year old actress playing the daughter of her romantic interest.

  • The_L1985

    You have to remember that Catholic prayer isn’t quite the same as Protestant prayer. To a Catholic, praying to beings other than the Trinity is simply a form of supernatural e-mail, and not a form of worship.

  • L E

    More like calling customer service instead of calling the president of the company, but yeah…

    These metaphors really don’t work if you care about being blasphemous. Luckily I don’t.

  • Daniel

    Pet peeve of my pedantic self: “like…” is a simile, not a metaphor. Sorry. Blaspheme away, by all means.

  • Anton_Mates

    Why would a leopard need to cooperate with a bear to climb a tree? Leopards are pretty good at that stuff. So are bears, for that matter, unless they’re big grizzlies or something.

  • tricksterson

    Because L&J know even less about zoology than they do theology?

  • Hawker40

    Joke from employees of the National Park Service (“Rangers”)
    How do you tell the difference between a brown bear and a grizzly bear?
    Climb a tree. If it climbs the tree to get at you, it’s a brown bear. If it knocks the tree down to get at you, it’s a grizzly bear.

  • Anton_Mates

    Probably had the converted Jews do it, since apparently they’re genetically programmed to continue sacrificing animals in the Millennial Kingdom, even though normally nobody eats them.

  • Random_Lurker

    I assume that’s Chloe and Buck?

    She looks like Buck just grabbed her ass in public and she’s looking to see if anyone noticed, and he’s glaring possessively at her to make sure she [i]knows what will happen[/i] if she makes a scene.

    Who picks these poses?

  • tricksterson

    Nah, the positioning of his body and the straightness of his arm are all wrong for assgrabbing unless he has a very flexible wrist (make of that what you will). I think he’s just mad because someone stole his cookie.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Yes, cookie-theft is very very bad, especially when eating the cookie is the closest he can get to bodice-ripping romance-novel sex.

  • emjb

    Well, bears are omnivores, so converting them to vegetarian wouldn’t be that hard (same for us). I can’t think what use a leopard or cheetah or wolf would be as a grazing animal; it’s a sleekly evolved hunting and killing machine. Who needs sharp teeth and claws if you’re eating berries and leaves? It would make more sense to have a kingdom simply devoid of carnivores altogether. Tigers and lions and wolves (and dogs and cats, and I guess. T-rexes?) would become faint memories of the fallen time. I guess animals wouldn’t reproduce or die anymore (except for the occasional bit of magically sacrificed beef on special occasions), so populations wouldn’t have to be kept in check.

    “Drenched in butter” (ew) is interesting also; for butter you need a lactating cow. Cows lactate because they are having calves. So are they magically lactating without giving birth or are calves being born? Or is it ersatz “butter” but not real butter?

    For that matter are chickens laying eggs? Are they only laying unfertilized eggs? And if chickens have to keep ovulating, do women? Or do we get freed from Eve’s curse, but not the poor chickens?

    I have so many questions. And also I’m now kind of hungry.

  • smrnda

    It’s margarine made from 100% vegetable oil but of such fine quality that you can’t tell its not butter.

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    I can’t believe it’s not butter!

    Runs away, dodging tomatoes

  • Hawker40

    The big problem for the poor leopard isn’t the teeth and claws, but the short digestive tract that cannot digest plant matter. Without the long loops in the intestines and multiple stomachs, how’s the poor leopard supposed to digest the fresh leaves that it’s mighty claws have slain for it?

  • Random_Lurker

    +1 Internets for ordering out to other afterlives. I’d really like some of the wine they’ve got in Elysium.

    As for question, it’s kind of a necessary side effect of the whole “before the fall, everything was perfect and there was no death” thing.

  • Daniel

    Tantalus’ Hadean Takeaway- he’s branched out. Ask about our steak Tartarus and Salmoneus en croute, but probably best to avoid the Pelops burgers.

    Ixion is the delivery driver- he’s got a mean set of wheels.

  • Vermic

    They used to have Sisyphus doing deliveries, but it took him forever to get there.

  • Daniel

    And when he arrived he’s always drop the damn food. To be fair, he’d go back to get a replacement, but it really wasn’t worth the wait. Tantalus’ apple pie is supposed to be delicious, and it certainly looks that way on the menu, but no matter how much you want some it never seems to be possible to get any.

  • Random_Lurker

    Actually that’s pretty appropriate for the phrase- the issue is that it doesn’t, and never, has anything to do with evolution (notwithstanding early misconceptions that thought it did). Scientists aren’t trying to correct the phrase so much as they want to disconnect it from evolution completely.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    In regards to Pope Francis: Yeah, the Catholic Church has always been an advocate for taxing the rich and giving to the poor. Or at least giving to the poor whatever’s left after Bishop Whoever gets his swag on. The old culture war game of implying that political conservatism, (as understood in the contemporary US) is as essential to Christianity across all denominations as the worship of Jesus itself (if not more so) is obviously chock full of logical holes. And of course our gracious host has made something of a living here pointing those out. It’s a lifetime job.
    That’s not to say that established churches with their established doctrines are naturally inclined to favor progressive causes either. There are many cases where that couldn’t be further from the truth. But it is to say that the Christian right’s attempt to use the Republican party platform as a means of uniting Christians across denominational lines has never been about governing the nation from ‘The’ Christian framework. It has only ever been about temporal power, about using the Christian name and its culturally normative status to make people feel morally compelled to default to conservatism.

  • arghous

    #2: … the Obama administration’s mandate that employers include free contraception coverage as part of their health plans.

    How nice of them to put the tell in the very first sentence of the article (“free” coverage). This was written by someone too stupid to know that women actually pay into the system, too, or too dizzy from all the right-wing spin. I don’t know if it matters any more. Anyway,

    Mammonthew 28:16-20

    The Greatest Commission

    16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Wall Street, into an exchange where Jesus had appointed them.

    17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some wished to reduce his bond rating.

    18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in this new world order.

    19 Go ye therefore, and teach all corporations, baptizing them in the name of the Farthing, and of the Sou, and of the Holy Guild:

    20 Teaching them to take a cut of all things whatsoever I have sequestered for you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the money supply. Amen.

  • AlexSeanchai

    To be fair: my contraception used to have a copay and does not anymore. ‘Free’ is not an unreasonable word to use for the new situation.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    Perhaps to be more accurate, “fully covered”?

  • AlexSeanchai

    That’s fair.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Unrelated: *wave hello* I was wondering if you were still following the blog. :)

  • smrnda

    Agreed. I don’t get this idea, coming from these businesses or Rush Limbaugh, that *they* are paying for women’s contraception. Women are taxpayers too, and have a right to expect something for their contribution.

  • Lori

    Oh yeah, Daniel. I’m sure that it’s the Rapture that will stop “Left Behind 12” from getting made.

    The fans of these books are disturbing people.

  • Daniel

    I would actually go into raptures if it didn’t.

  • Lori

    Don’t you occasionally wish you could disallow some people from sharing your name?

  • Daniel

    All the time, particularly as I really like Renaissance art, love Dante, am interested in the actual history of the Catholic church, and know what good writing is and isn’t. So there’s one particular Dan that drives me up the bloody wall.
    *edit: and the finest actor of my generation, excepting only Nicholas Cage, Mr Daniel Dyer.*

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com/ Ross

    I think that’s a gross misread. He used the term the way everyone outside of evolutionary science uses it, and he used it in a way that meant the thing he wanted to say. And whatever Dan Brown thinks, medicine is the only science Catholics have been opposed to in decades.

  • damanoid

    Re: #5, I cannot help but notice a distinct lack of pleading that Both Sides Do It.


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