“Breeders” infected with “feeders”

UPDATE: Maxed Out Mama has coined a new term: Vaginahabi Jihad.

I am so jealous.

Maxed Out Mama can always be counted on to find the post you would be sorry to miss and this time she found it at Pedro the Quietist who reveals that the new affront to some leftists are….babies – or, as they are referred to, a parasitic blastocyst – an opportunistic, parasitic infection!

Appearance – It is tough, if not impossible, for a woman’s body
to be as tight and firm as it was prior to the pregnancy.

[Ed.(Pedro) - My choice for Constitutional Amendment #28: the State should preserve the woman's right to have a hot, tight, and firm body forever.]

This is true of her abs, her butt, her breasts and her vagina. On top of that,
she may also have hair loss, acne, stretch marks, rashes, varicose veins, and a
scar from a c-section. Now I know that appearance shouldn’t matter, but it does.
We live in a society where appearance is important and a woman’s appearance is
permanently changed by being pregnant.

Death – According to the CDC, there are between 300 – 500 pregnancy-related deaths per year in the

[Ed. (Pedro)- it's an epidemic! Why are we so worried about H5N1 when there are plagues already among us!]

Read it to believe it. Pedro does a good job of mocking/fisking the bizarro rant, and Mama wonders if work, or stress or other inconveniences that affect your body and mind should be overthrown.

Me? My alarm bells began to ring when I read the part about babies stretching out and therefore damaging the tonality of the vagina. I know how serious these folks are about their vaginas! They write to me – often – discussing the integrity of the vagina and the superiority of the vagina over any and all other sexual musculature/organs. How can their vaginas sound their barbaric yawps if the elastic integrity of that gritty little number is compromised? What would that sound like, anyway? Yaaaaaawwwwwpppppfffpppfffpppffffpffffp?

Would it sound like an under-inflated innertube slapping the pavement? Pahflawp! Pahflawp!

I can understand how someone with a vagina formerly as taut and battle-ready as Xena, the Warrior Princess’ ab muscles would be tremendously put out if she delivered a child and suddenly found that her vagina – once the sounding bugle of the brigade, calling all members – suddenly sounded like the Big Surprise Cake in the old Little Rascals movie: Boomp! Mmwaaah! Boomp! Mmwaaah!

I’m at war with people who take their vaginas this seriously, whether male or female! (Yes, there are men who carry on about vaginas. I know a man who, after watching his wife deliver their firstborn said to the doctor, “maybe you could slip a few extra stitches in there, you know, tighten it up?” To this day, you can hear it on the video, and to this day his poor wife shoots him a look that should have had him singing castrato years ago.)

Sometimes I wish F. Scott Fitzgerald were alive today, because if he were, I am sure he would be blogging, and I think he would be vastly amused at both the left and the right – but I think he would take especial joy in eviscerating moonbeams who carry on about the looming threat of the disease of pregnancy. I think he would read that and write: “So they beat on, and on, waves against a stricken vessel – mentally masturbating as they look for the green light, convinced it stands for them, that it flashes a message only they understand: “you are even smarter than natural law…you are little gods and goddesses, aren’t ya? Aren’t ya?”

You’re all so smart, you can even become virgins all over again. Voila!. H/T Klaire.

Hmmmmm….and maybe, just maybe, the hymen – so long thought to be a useless, value-less part of the body – is worth hanging on to, and even has meaning?

UPDATE: Kobayashi Maru has an interesting take on “breeders” and their effect on the environment which is very interesting, and also informative. It makes sense that the air being CLEAN would allow more warming on the earth.

About Elizabeth Scalia
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  • Sigmund Carl and Alfred

    Well, there is another reason not to take the left seriously- they are after all, products of a disease and as such, their remarks and positions are suspect.

    Obvioulsy- and NATURALLY, it is the right that are the natural choice.

  • anniebird

    perhaps it would be better not to admit this publicly A, but I LOVE these vagina posts – particularly when they come with sound effects. It’s hard not to laugh out loud at the thought of the flapping “lips” of the female left.

  • http://ohhowilovejesus.com Jeanette

    I’m proud of every stretch mark, sagging breasts, sagging hiney and all the morning sickness I had all day with both my children. I won’t go any lower on my anatomy than that as it makes me blush. :oops:

    Having a child that is part you and raising that child to maturity beats anything these women could ever imagine. And my flabby stomach is a badge of honor too. You can’t stay young forever and having babies is what we were built to do.

  • http://www.marchhareshouse.blogspot.com March Hare

    One of the best parts about being pregnant was wearing comfortable clothes, flat shoes, and–for the first time in my life–not being self-concious about the fact that my stomach wasn’t flat!
    As for my vagina, Hubs has no complaints and that’s all I care about! ;)

  • karen

    ALMOST makes me want to get pregnant again!! Only if God wills it :)!!

  • Inklet

    The next time someone mentions “The Vagina Monologues” to me I know I’m going to think of that Whitman reference and burst out laughing. I can’t wait!

  • http://badhairblog.blogspot.com Fausta

    Is the stomach the next vagina?

  • smmtheory

    Quick… give me the name of a producer. I’ve got three unruly hairs that have sprouted out of the edges of my ears. This would make for a play that will rival CATS!!!!!

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