Kids explain God and the Scriptures

Supposedly these are real kids answers to Sunday School quizzes. Awfully cute. When I remember that my nephew came out from his first confession and announced, “I gotta recite an Act of Nutrition,” I figure they might be real. I like 12 and 14 the best.

1) In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2) Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
3) Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4) The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5) Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
6) Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
7) The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
8) The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
9) Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
10) David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
11) Solomon, one of David?s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
12) When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
13) The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
14) The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
15) A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.