Nothing is private on the internet and we are all judging you…

… I just can’t take it anymore. It has to be said.

Young people… use your brains and quit abusing the internet. Consider your online presence and reputation, and know the internet is forever. Also, what has been seen cannot be unseen. Oh, and actions have consequences.

Here, let me help you.

DON’T…

1) When applying for a job or rental property, don’t use an email that contains slang terms, drug references, or sexual innuendos. Your friends might find your email address humorous but know that I, the person that is paid to evaluate your application and make judgement calls about your character, do not.

Cannabis420King, FAHQ69, milfbabydollz, bangerz, ballerz, pimpdady, bitchslapaho, trideltapartygirl @ generic email address.com. No, just no.

If it’s not your name or some variation of it, don’t use it. Don’t even consider it. Everyone should have a professional email account they use solely for business or to write their mothers.

Please tell me your aren’t emailing your momma from FAHQ69@email.com.

2) Don’t post stupid pictures of yourself falling down drunk, smoking pot, making out with strangers, flipping the bird or being disrespectful. You may think only your friends can see them but trust me, there’s ways around most privacy settings. We all see them and we judge you accordingly.

Do you look like a nice young person that we’d be happy to have join our work team or someone responsible enough to rent a house?

Judging by your online personal page, no.

Also, when you set up your personal page on Tumblr or Instagram be mindful of the username you choose. Screen names like Hustlagurl or FratBoyHo don’t exactly present you to the world as a person who makes good choices.

The fact that you would even post stupid pictures of yourself proves to me you’re incapable of making good choices.

How do I know you’re going to be a nightmare tenant simply by poking around your facebook page? Because you’ve stupidly posted pictures of your wild house party, complete with property damage. How do I know this is your house? Because the house numbers are visible from the outside photos. The outside photos showing you having a naked shopping cart race across the front lawn. The front lawn that you’ve destroyed. And you’re naked in public*.

It takes no huge leaps in logic to determine you don’t make the best decisions and therefore cannot be trusted to behave responsibly.

Is this fair of me to assume of you? Yes. Oh, Absolutely yes.

I don’t care if the photos are twenty years old and you’re not that person anymore. Then delete them. The fact that you’d proudly continue to display these profound acts of dip shittery to the world is evidence enough that Naked Shopping Cart Racer You is just in hibernation and waiting for the siren song of tequila to be shaken from its slumber. Which brings me to number 4.

4) If your gonna do stupid shit don’t take a photo of it and post it on social media. Disable all photo tagging features and do your best to avoid doing stupid shit or being near someone else doing stupid shit. Everyone has a camera and that stupid shit will come back to haunt you.

God, I can’t believe I even have to say this.

5) Actions have consequences. Illegal ones have consequences that keep on giving. And giving. And giving. Seriously, there’s no escaping your arrest record. Ever.

It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, what the circumstances were, or how big of a misunderstanding it was. All that matters is that on every application for the rest of your damned life you are going to have to check that box that says you’ve been arrested and/or convicted.

So you were 18 and it was a fraternity prank to steal the rival college’s pet mascot. How can stealing one little old pig possibly ruin your entire life? Let me tell you how.

You are going to half to look me in the eye some day and explain to me, in full excruciating detail, that you were just a stupid drunk frat boy who stole a pig and promise to me that it will never happen again and you’ve joined a farm animal support group and you’re much wiser from the experience.

Remember that story well because you’re going to have to repeat it to every future employer for the rest of your long life.

Imagine Forty Year Old Father of Two You having to defend your actions because when the background check comes back it won’t say, “Stupid kid pulling college prank”.

No, it will say; breaking and entering, trespassing, possession of stolen goods, animal abuse, disorderly conduct, drunk in public, and resisting arrest. It may even have the added zinger, giving fictitious information, because you thought it cute to say your name was “Joe. Joe who? Joe Momma” to the arresting officer.**

So before you commit that seemingly innocent act of petty theft and vandalism, stop and imagine yourself repeating this story over and over and over till the day you die.

Not so funny now, eh?

*Yes, that example was from a real scenario that has been seared into my memory so deeply a shrimp fork and a bottle of whiskey won’t even pick it out of my brain.

**Again, another very real example of the complete dip shittery I encounter on a regular basis.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Domer

    Well put, especially now that J. Bieber’s urine test video has made it to the web. Nothing is private on the internet indeed.

  • Lynn

    I love this! I dig up information on people for a living, without even using paid resources, and the junk I find is just mind-boggling. So true about other people’s cameras!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Isn’t it scary how much information is out there? It’s unbelievable how careless people are.

  • Holly

    I work in Admissions for a graduate program, and this really rings true. If I had a nickel for every bizarre email address and blatantly weird or inappropriate essay…

    • Quittin’ time at Tara!

      One of my college students turned in an essay titled “How to Bong A Beer.”

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        Write what you know?

  • Romulus

    So true. The internet is full of pictures of me serving solemn Mass. That is bound to catch up with me one day.

  • oregon nurse

    When did snooping on people’s lives become so accepted? This melding between a person’s work life and their life away from the job is disturbing. Maybe most disturbing is that no one seems to even question it or if ‘we’ should be doing it.

    I remember the first time a prospective employer asked me to sign a release to access my credit history just to submit an application. It was a nursing job for pete’s sake (drug test? sure, that makes sense), not an accounting job where I could embezzle! It felt like they might as well have asked me to disrobe. I told them what they could do with their application.

    • Charles Culbreth

      ON, maybe sometime after Cham walked in on naked daddy Noah?
      It really isn’t a matter of snooping becoming “accepted.” Kat’s so spot on about all this, and there ARE plenty of malformed folks whose only purpose in life is to wreak havoc, and in many cases, really wreck the lives of truly good people by their incessant digging and manipulating other folks’ personal histories via the web.
      Perhaps you have no acute real idea how insidious this lethal combination of the net and stupid people and evil people can be.
      Again, Kat’s advice is Kastor Oil for the true Christian soul.

      • oregon nurse

        Oh, I wasn’t questioning her advice to think twice, no, 10 times before putting something on the web. I’m questioning why no one is objecting to the fundamental violation of privacy that makes it necessary for her to issue her warning.

        If professional people weren’t using stupid stuff on the web to pre-judge people in such serious and life-affecting ways then it wouldn’t be such a big deal to have stupid stuff on the web would it? I’m questioning why anyone would hold what stupid thing someone did when they were 18 against them when they apply for a job years later as Katrina has claimed. That’s what personal and professional references are for – so one can be ‘judged’ in ways that actually matter to the context in which they are being evaluated, not by the spin some total stranger snooping through their social media puts on it. These things are being used inappropriately as cheap proxies for the things HR managers used to do in interviews.

        • Lynn

          I don’t find it a violation of privacy at *all*, because kids are putting this out on a PUBLIC timeline. If an employer demanded I friend them, I’d probably tell them no on principal, as those conversations were directed to a limited audience. But when people put it out there as public, where I don’t even have to use a paid service to find out all kinds of crazy stuff? That’s not snooping; that’s just eyes open.

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        Why don’t the youths know this obvious as shit information… cause they took Home Economics out of schools . But that’s another post.

  • Quittin’ time at Tara!

    Teens of the world! Heed The Crescat!

    I was informed recently that my friends think I am somehow suspiciously sly for NOT doing Facebook. “What do I have to hide?” They wonder. Notice the default position is oversharing your life 24/7, and the person who thinks intimacy must be earned us the secret psycho. You have to earn the right to know what I had for lunch.

    The glamorous plus for me is that now my buddies think my tame snooze of a life might be worth looking into. Their spies will only find some middle aged dumpy person sorting socks and eating Pringles while watching Deep Space Nine, but we’ll keep that just between us.

  • Larry

    im surprised that an article filled with swearing can end up on a site like this

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      And I am not even the worst offender.


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