Hiss.Spit.Growl.Punch.Stab.Kick… June 6, 2015

… Diet update, week whatever.

Current weight : 279 (yeah it went up)

Current mood : whatever, pass the nachos

Projected outcome : Who the hell cares

Warning: I’m about to drop a couple well deserved expletives. Clear the kids out of the room.

Things I’ve Learned

– There is so only so much poached chicken a person can eat
– Don’t look at yourself in the mirror while working out. It’s not pretty.



These people, I suppose.


– I haven’t stabbed anyone yet.

must stab something

General Thoughts

Fuck it.

Just fuck it.

I keep trudging along every day. Eating the same damn thing over and over. Walking at the same damn park. Wearing the same damn sports bra and stained t-shirt. Being so damn good. And how does the scale reward me? Be going up.

But you know what keeps me going. Hope.

The hope of one day being at a manageable weight.

And you know what my reward will be for all my hard work? A lifetime of this same shit. A doomed lifetime. Because the day I don’t work out or cheat on my diet is the day that hateful whore of scale tips up.

Seriously. It’s so demoralizing to know that I can never stop moving. For me there is no finish line. Once I achieve a manageable weight then I have to start the real work. The work of maintaining.

I read about a woman who lost 120 lbs. Her reward? She has to workout 2 hours a day 5 days a week to keep from regaining weight. 2 hours a day. Five days a week.


I could cry.

Some days I think I’d rather be fat. At least then I can eat a doughnut, have a stout beer, and never do another burpee again for the rest of my life.

I know. I’m being such a downer and this is hardly motivational. You need motivation? Fine, here’s a great workout song.

Works for me.



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