… Diet update, week whatever.
Current weight : 279 (yeah it went up)
Current mood : whatever, pass the nachos
Projected outcome : Who the hell cares
Warning: I’m about to drop a couple well deserved expletives. Clear the kids out of the room.
Things I’ve Learned
– There is so only so much poached chicken a person can eat
– Don’t look at yourself in the mirror while working out. It’s not pretty.
– These people, I suppose.
– I haven’t stabbed anyone yet.
Just fuck it.
I keep trudging along every day. Eating the same damn thing over and over. Walking at the same damn park. Wearing the same damn sports bra and stained t-shirt. Being so damn good. And how does the scale reward me? Be going up.
But you know what keeps me going. Hope.
The hope of one day being at a manageable weight.
And you know what my reward will be for all my hard work? A lifetime of this same shit. A doomed lifetime. Because the day I don’t work out or cheat on my diet is the day that hateful whore of scale tips up.
Seriously. It’s so demoralizing to know that I can never stop moving. For me there is no finish line. Once I achieve a manageable weight then I have to start the real work. The work of maintaining.
I read about a woman who lost 120 lbs. Her reward? She has to workout 2 hours a day 5 days a week to keep from regaining weight. 2 hours a day. Five days a week.
I could cry.
Some days I think I’d rather be fat. At least then I can eat a doughnut, have a stout beer, and never do another burpee again for the rest of my life.
I know. I’m being such a downer and this is hardly motivational. You need motivation? Fine, here’s a great workout song.
Works for me.