… I’ve been married and unhappy. I’ve been single and unhappy too. I’ve even been in perfectly wonderful relationships and been utterly miserable. There have been times in my life where I have been more successful and financially better off than other times and I can count instances of unhappiness there as well.
That’s because my unhappiness had zero, zilch, nothing to do with the external factors of my life during those times. Running away from responsibilities never made me happier, just exhausted. Trying to blame others for my miseries was pointless. Blame is always pointless.
And Laura Munson knew that. She refused to accept the blame for her husband’s unhappiness when he asked her for a divorced.
What follows next is one of the most beautiful illustrations of the marriage commitment I’ve ever read. A wife who understood her husband’s misery weren’t about her and she continued to love him unconditionally just the same.
If you are married, do yourself the small favor of reading this. Then share it with all your other married friends. Even if you are single, it is important to read this article, if anything, to shed the naive belief that marriage is happily ever after or that your spouse is supposed to “complete you.”
Excerpts from He Said He Was Leaving. She Ignored Him – by Laura Muson
“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”
His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.
He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.
So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”
Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.
Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”
I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”
“Huh?” he said.
“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”
Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”
“How can we have a responsible distance?”
Why are article’s like this so important to read and share? Because when a marriage dissolves it sends the message to society that divorce is OK. It’s OK to give up each other and break vows. And every time a marriage overcomes the odds it reassures others that it can be done.
There are few things more tragic then when a spouse treats another as a throw away object simply because they feel unhappy or bored with their lives.