Inner Yearnings of External Expressions

Much to the dismay of my gal pals, and family, I embrace the darkness and cold of winter. Even the starkness, and seemingly absence of color of fall into winter, bears significance. It stimulates an abundant collage of inner thoughts and explorations. I especially love the celebration of earth changes and observances that mark this fertile time of the lunar calendar. The shadow side of darkness is very reassuring and consoles me.

In spite of the busyness of numerous seasonal holidays, and the  copious frustration’s I feel with the superficial, external clap-trap, I attempt to transcend much of it through absolute stillness, solitary roaming, and tangible earth rituals. My skeptical side yearns to find evidence that all has not failed, and that we are spearheading a rewarding, transformative journey.

Solstice, or Yule, marks the shortest day and longest night of the year; though some may not be aware of it’s influence. It is a time of great symbolism and power. Also, an opportunity to involve others in sharing the spirit of the season in more meaningful, timeless traditions. Burning a Yule log outside with a song and a prayer could be fun and significant. Earlier cultures honored Solstice as new beginnings; rebirth and the life-death-rebirth cycle. I love the traditions of Solstice celebration[s].

The aging process [for me] welcomes the deep, comfort in earth rituals. And depends on the ceremony, symbology and physicality that they provide me. I create elaborate, personalized rituals, based on years of cosmology and archeological evidence as assurance of my place in the universal cycle; thus helping attune myself to the subtle, yet powerful, changes of earth rhythms. I need the “earth’s dirt” to anchor me to [the] land.

I write a list of 5 goals that will catalyze harmonious transformation through the cycling season[s]. I renew my attempt to listen, observe and honor this inner journey.

I always — no matter the weather — go outside and walk the forest. Listening, listening, listening. She will speak. No prompts are needed, they only distract. Sometimes I carry a small, candle lantern to invoke and bless the light.

Trees rustle, branches reach out, birdsong of a few remaining singers, and my confidante and best friend, the wind, lead me forward to a spot where all weave together. By the water of a stream still running, I crouch and whisper my intentions for deep inner peace, and recognition of my shadow self. We are all light and darkness. It is only within the acceptance and realization of my darkness can my light, compassion, and love be birthed.

Let go, let go, let go! She breathes. I feel her heartbeat as she acknowledges my presence. I’m cold, I’m hot. I feel nothing, I feel everything. My heart pounds. My body trembles. Something shifts around me. I sense a spiraling of energy that knocks me sideways. There is a tree, just there, I touch it to steady myself. The silence is complete. I know she is here. And in that instant, I am totally, completely assured that I too am here. I cannot explain what occurs in that few moments. There is only me, and an absolute certainty that I am One with the Divine……tears trickle down my face, into the stream, alive for one more day!

Lolly O’Dea Polvinale: writer, teacher, massage therapist; instructor with PA cooperative extension for Strong Women Strength Training, Healthy Heart, and Dining with Diabetes programs; hopeful and budding novelist; facilitator of Sacred Women Ritual Circles, and Your Croning Achievement: Crowing, Crowning, Croning Initiation and Ceremony.