Right now, I am sitting at the 1-year mark of the day between my birthday last year when I signed and paid for my son’s funeral and the 1-year mark of his funeral. A year ago, I was in absolute shock. I read my updates on Facebook from a year ago and I don’t even recognize myself. I see a woman whose life has just blown up and she is talking about needing cleaning supplies. I do not even understand… Read more

  The other evening my husband and I were driving to the grocery store as the sun began to go down. It is March in Central Texas which means that the evenings are cool and the sun goes down slowly painting the sky with beautiful colors. It also goes down at a decent time, not at 4 in the afternoon like in the fall. This is the time of year where you can see Texans coming out of their houses… Read more

As many of you who are regular readers of mine know, March 8th will be the one year anniversary of my oldest son Anthony’s suicide. I would be lying if I said that I am not feeling the anniversary lingering over my days and weeks ahead of it. I am trying to stay busy, but that only works for so long before the fact that my child is gone and buried in a cemetery hits me like a brick to… Read more

  A few weeks ago I was thinking about how I was going to keep myself busy for the next few months as my family and I head into the first anniversary of my oldest son’s suicide. I knew it was going to be very difficult as well as an emotional roller coaster. I was not wrong. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and I began to fall apart. But my plan to stay busy with something was a good one because… Read more

I am twelve days away from going through hell. It will be one year since my Tia Mary died on February 3rd which starts off the death anniversaries. First Tia, then Anthony on March 8th, then I turn 41 (its own hell which my body announced last night when I had to get up three time to pee) and finally, two years since the death of my Tio Roy on April 18th.  Last year that anniversary was gonna be difficult… Read more

On Wednesday March 8th at 1:51 my oldest son called me to ask if he could use my car to go to the parish. When he asked me how long I would be, I thought he was just being impatient, I had no idea that we got off the phone he would walk into our garage and hang himself. It would be the last time that I heard him say “I love you mom”. The fact that he made that… Read more

  Reviewing this book is a bit difficult because I am pretty bias. I love Colleen Mitchell so very much. She is one of the many people who were rays of God’s love in my life shortly after the suicide of my oldest son while I was at a writing conference at Notre Dame this summer. One of the things that probably seemed like no big deal to her but was to me was the morning she gave me a… Read more

  If you are like me, this short Advent doesn’t seem like it is enough time. I don’t really know what I need more time for but I just feel like I need it. This is a very short Advent so I have already failed at most of it. I have done a great job at staying out of the busyness of secular Christmas with all the hustle and bustle that makes it difficult to be Catholic during Advent while everyone… Read more

Mourning is something that is avoided at every cost. Part of it is our brain protecting us from feeling the total loss of someone we love or even something we lost. But part of it is also our culture. In America 2017 the idol of positive vibes and positive thinking is worshiped at every level. We do not want to suffer and we do not want to witness suffering. We turn a blind eye to it, justify it, or just… Read more

When I walked around the cemetery in Rome and came across this headstone I thought about the kind of love and grief that would inspire a man to have it made for his wife’s grave. I never imagined that seven years later I would understand that kind of love and grief on such a personal level as I do now. Today is All Souls Day, a day that I have used to show how Catholic I am for the last… Read more

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