The Election, Failure and Where to Go From Here

It has been a crazy 48 hours since the election results came in and Donald Trump was announced as our president-elect. I did not see this coming. I voted for Hillary Clinton, not because I wanted her to win but because I was sure she was better for the job and was going to win anyway. I considered it the best way to stand against what Trump stood for. I was prepared to fight against what she would come with. I was not prepared for him to win.Since then I have failed. I have failed as a … [Read more...]

I am Pro-Life, I voted for Hillary

My original plan for today was to drink and wait for Jesus. I was not going to vote. That quickly became my life plan and my election day plan was to go to adoration and wait for God to send me an angel if He wanted me to vote for either of these two crazy people and if He didn't then I was going to write in a third party guy. After that I was going to go buy a bottle and start drinking. I wasn't wrestling with that decision but I wasn't happy about it. This is America, we celebrate the right to … [Read more...]

The Dark Night of Life

I know that everyone is ready to lay around in despair over the election results tomorrow, so I should try to write something upbeat and positive. Unfortunately, that just isn't how my life works. Upbeat and positive are two things that my life rarely is. I was abandoned by my father before I was born so I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time, I was sexually abused as a small child and I am an only child so I spent most of my childhood alone. I wasn't exactly set up for a life … [Read more...]

Did I Die? Let Me Count The Ways

By now most of you must have heard the leaked tape where Donald Trump explains to Billy Bush that he often kisses women without permission and grabs them by their genitals as they both die with laughter at how funny that is.I was pretty upset about that tape, but not because I am a prude or even that I am shocked that men talk like that. When Billy Bush says "will you give him a hug" while holding back giggles, I remembered all the times that I was the girl who was the butt of jokes between … [Read more...]

How I found Myself

 Last night I wrote this post about losing myself. I went to bed thinking about it and thanking God that it seems like everything is peaceful. Then I woke up and realized that this isn't always how it will be. There will be more problems, more kids leaving and growing and changing. Aaliyah will grow up and won't remind me of the most innocent version of myself. She will be her own person with her own opinions, flaws and heartaches. Something will happen, she will be heartbroken and she … [Read more...]

Love 

I have such an issue with people misusing the word love. Love requires sacrifice, love changes you, love is as ordered as the moon and the sun and the waves of the ocean, love has a purpose and it's not to make you feel warm and fuzzy all the time, love is real and objective, love is not fluffy bullshit people put on pretty backgrounds to share on Facebook. Love is Jesus hanging on a Cross bleeding with his face disfigured and naked. Love is not doing what "makes you happy", love is the cross … [Read more...]

When Did I Lose Myself?

I watched my three year old granddaughter today. She ran around in the living room with no care in the world. She played with the dogs, watched Netflix, ate cereal and made me laugh. She is full of personality at this age and she is beautiful. I don't just say this because she is my grandchild and the spitting image of me, but because she can hypnotize me with her smile. She has a perfect complexion,  perfect hair and her head is so big but it fits on her tiny little body anyway. And then, … [Read more...]

What do I know? What is Real?

I have an amazing therapist. In the  three and a half years that I have been seeing her, she has helped to recognize  when my scared little girl self is trying to convince me that nobody loves because I am unworthy of being loved and tell her to go take a nap.When I first started seeing her it was because my husband and I were on the verge of divorce. Actually it was worse than divorce, it was war. We were in a cycle of revenge and getting back at each other while both trying to get … [Read more...]

When God Dedicates Songs to You

Today I was sitting in the car with my two youngest sons and this song came on the radio that we all love, it’s one of our favorite songs as a family, and I thought about when I first heard that song and how exactly it became an anthem in the lives of my kids.My youngest child was born in 2001 when I worked at Hooters. I spent the first month of her life going from the NICU to my mom’s house to care for my other three children because she was a preemie. I was really tired and driving only a f … [Read more...]

Ronda Rousey, Spiritual Attack, Mother Teresa and The Risk of Protest

 I have had this book, Daring Greatly by  Brené Brown on my nightstand for months now. It sits along with How to Be Holy by Dr. Peter Kreeft. I haven't read the Brene Brown book. I felt like I wasn't ready for it because I have a lot of fear in my soul right now. That fear created this huge ball of anger in me that made me not give a shit about being holy anymore. Which is why I haven't read Dr. Kreeft's book. Not that I don't think I need to be holy, but just that I don't feel like I am … [Read more...]