What Makes Me Faint

Now, I don’t want you thinking that I faint willy-nilly. The sight of blood, even my own, doesn’t make me weak in the knees. Neither do dead bodies — I see 3-5 cadavers every year as a police chaplain.

No, I faint in very specific circumstances: in a clinical setting, when a physician is describing the internal functions of my body, usually accompanied by a drawing or x-ray.

It first happened in college. I had reffed a hockey tournament that had me skating 14 hours a day for three days straight. By the end of the tourney, I couldn’t even walk. I went to the college infirmary and was told I has severe tendinitis in both ankles, and, as the doc drew pictures of my tendons on that white paper they pull over the exam table, I went down. This week, it happened as soon as he popped the x-rays of my knee on the light box.

I also occasionally faint at the sight of really bad theology.

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  • Josh

    rapture! rapture! rapture!

  • Steve K.

    Don’t you mean “really ugly theology,” Tony? 😉

  • chase

    Maybe that’s what happens to all those folks who go to see Benny Hinn! oops, was that out loud?

  • Bruno W

    I don’t have a problem with that. What makes me weak-kneed is watching slow-motion replays of some athlete’s limb snapping in two. Like when Paterno’s knee totally buckled getting hit on the sideline this year, they kept showing slow-motion replays of his knee bending the wrong way. I hate that.

  • Dan Wilt

    I faint at the site of hatred. If it’s cloaked in theology, then yes, the blood quickly rushes away from the head and makes me wish someone knew something about God that made us all glad to be human.

  • Anna

    I faint too. I’m not sure if it is at broken body parts, but I have done it on occasion. I also am having surgery soon (on my shoulder for the second time in a year). So I feel your pain in both areas.

  • St. Brianstine

    So really bad theology? Coming from an Emergent guy, that’s funny. What theology is “really bad”?

  • Adam Walker Cleaveland

    dude, i have the same problem i think. if i get on the internet and start READING about medical conditions, especially if they are ones i’m currently suffering from them, then i get REALLY light headed. i haven’t fainted from that. yet. but it’s been close sometimes….

  • Jim Krill

    Hey Tony! This isn’t about you fainting, because talk of fainting probably doesn’t help the situation – but I wanted to say that you’re doing good with your word count… 29k – wow! You’re almost half way there! Way to be. Keep up the hard work… family, writing, running EV, dealing with X-Rays… I imagine it’s a lot…but I think you’re doing a great job. Thank You!PS – Thank you for caring about “good theology” which I know for you doesn’t necessarily mean you’re theology…

  • tank

    Hey Jim. I think you mean your theology. I don’t think Tony is actually theology himself.

  • EL MOL

    two words: compound fracture

  • Sivin Kit

    the sight of blood makes me dizzy. Take care. Hope your Advent season is “improving”

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  • What makes me faint is thinking about my soon to be wife coming down the aisle…(pause for awww)

  • pinkhammer

    I laughed out loud when I read: “I also occasionally faint at the sight of really bad theology” Good stuff.

  • Morgan

    Please define “bad theology.”

  • I passed out cold watching my son get a deep cavity drilled. Not just faint but falling off the rolling stool onto the floor passed out cold. What made it even better was that this was in Germany so I then had to come up with enough of the right German words to convince the dentists that I hadn’t hit my head, just felt wobbly and that I would be fine if I could just sit in the waiting room and would they please finish with filling the hole in my son’s head.

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