Book Signing Nightmare

So, for the first time ever I’ve got these book signings at bookstores around the country. And, in my worst nightmare, this is what I see:

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  • Paul Baird

    That is freaking hilarious!

    Picturing someone trying to console you:

    “Really Tony, it’s not you….there are all kinds of good reasons no one is here….let’s see….the county fair is going on right now…..Myrtle’s antique shop is having a buy one get the second half off and it is frankly blowing up down there……you see? It isn’t you. People love you.”

  • Jay Kely

    I don’t like that word they use. You know . . . THAT one. I’ve got Al Mohler on the line. He doesn’t like it either. He likes it even less I do. And I don’t like it at all.

  • You are hilarious, TonyJ. That clip is classic, and the genius is in the details: the sign describes a *two hour* autograph session, and the neck of Nigel’s guitar is missing.

    I want you to sign my book, “Smell the Glove”. Please?

  • you just don’t want to be seen as a rex manning from empire records.

    context here warning: mohler wouldn’t be pleased.

    and btw, you gotta stop sending people to my site. i’m getting all of the He Who Shall Not Be Named nut jobs coming by and giving me crap. i liked it better when the Dark Side didn’t know where i hung out.

  • Oy, I was in a B&N last night and there was an author experiencing that. Stacks of books and nobody around. I felt horrible for him. Ouch!

  • Ah spinal tap….What a great movie!

    Just make sure you put a “free coffee” clause in your appearance contracts. As a former musician, I know firsthand that the “unlimited bar tab” clause saved many otherwise lousy gigs.

  • Chris Enstad

    There’s a swearword in this… therefore I disregard the entire thing and you and your entire ministry.


  • John

    Don’t fuck up the timing.

  • Becoming like Spinal Tap…there could be worse things. If you are an Arrested Development fan, you would know that it beats doing a book signing for The Man Inside Me with Tobias Fumke.

  • Wright

    “forget about personal, I thought we had a relationship here.”


    Get in good with your manager.

  • Artie

    Don’t worry TonyJ. We’re gonna do massive radio promotion.

  • David

    Oh man, that was funny. I had to stifle my laughs so as not to wake up sleeping children. Now there’s spit all over my computer monitor. Thanks a lot. Hope you feel better now.

  • As long as you pack your foiled cucumber things will go smoothly.