The only dog I’ve ever owned is a Lab, and the only dog I’ll ever own is a Lab. They are, hands down, God’s favorite breed. They must be, or they wouldn’t be so incredibly awesome.
Well, the heathens at Westminster don’t seem to think so. And now the Labs themselves are so worked up about it that they’ve begun calling in sports radio shows:
“Hey thanks for having me. Longtime listener, first time caller. Look, I’m just going to be straight up with you: I’m a Labrador retriever. And I’m sick of losing at Westminster. Sick of it. It’s driving me nuts. This year we didn’t even make the cut in the sporting group. I’m embarrassed.”
“Thank you…is it Snickers? Snickers. Well, look, I hear you. There have been 137 Westminster Dog Shows and from what I can tell, a Labrador has never won. Is that true? They’re nodding in the booth. Yeah, a Lab has never won. Well, what should be done, Snickers?”
“I think we should hire Phil Jackson.”