How to Defeat Porn

Sitting in Swaziland, a tiny country in Africa, surrounded by a group of extraordinary men, my heart was broken. I had watched these men do incredible things in the months prior. Caring for orphans in Ecuador. Building a church for widows in Mozambique. As we looked around at one another, shame and fear and frustration filling us with vulnerability, there was one foe we all had in common.

Porn.

Almost every man has struggled with pornography. It’s a liar and a disease and an addiction. The men in Swaziland opened up about it. Most had even struggled with it, hating themselves, during the same months we were involved in incredible ministry.

We shared all the things men try. Accountability partners. Negative reinforcements. I once knew a guy made a pack with friends to burn a hundred dollar bill every time he watched porn. We’ve tried the websites that lock you out of websites and throw away the key. We’ve tried. We’ve tried. We’ve tried.

And, in spite of ourselves, men continue to struggle to defeat the epidemic problem of porn. Like a horror-movie villain, sexual sin always seems to come back for one last scare.

The problem with fighting porn is that we spend too much time fighting porn. We address the symptom rather than the disease.

We are much like Peter. Called into greatness. Called to get out of the boat and walk on water. But more than that. Much more than that. Peter is called to fix his eyes on Jesus. When Peter’s focus shifts, and he looks down at the formidable waves, he starts to stumble and Jesus has to pull him up. Oh Ye of little faith. (Matthew 6:30)

The way to defeat pornography is to fill the deep void it is pretending to cure with the true elixir. It takes a higher power to cure us of our addictions. Because addiction is just a passion for purpose gone awry.

Without vision, we perish (Proverbs 29:18). Porn is slowly decaying our souls because we have not fixed our eyes on purpose. We are looking at the wind and the waves and trying to calm them rather than fleeing into the Arms of He who is Able. It is a bit like going to the decaying fruit of a rotting fruit tree and fumbling at the outgrowth at the edge of the limbs. The problem is the tree and we are wasting our time trying to patch up the fruit.

It is purpose that drives us. Meaning is the only thing that fills our soul because it is the only thing we were created for. When we can find, name, and commit to that meaning, there is little room for anything else.

The most extreme heat burns all others away. As counterintuitive as it sounds, the best way to combat porn is to flee from it. But you must have somewhere to flee. Without vision, we flee in circles and find ourselves right back where we started.

The men in Swaziland were called to greatness. They are called to so much more than being ‘defeaters of porn’. So, why do we spend so much time fighting an enemy on its home turf? The men in Swaziland made a new commitment, not against porn, but to find, discover, and pursue our purpose. And allow porn to dissipate into its rightful oblivion.

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  • I. Meanit

    “How to Defeat Porn?”

    Well, the apostle Paul has good advice:

    1. Marry

    2. Have sex

    Oh, and contrary to what many people are thinking: in marriage you have sex when ONE of the partners wants sex.

    See 1 Cor 7

    ““It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

    “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

    “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

    “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”

  • Bruce Gorton

    Why is this trending in Patheos Non-religious?

  • Otto

    Yes because your religion cares not for consent

  • I. Meanit

    Of course we care for consent; that’s why it says “do not deprive”, because it is *possible* to deprive. But it is understood that consent to marriage includes the acceptance of the marital duty.

  • Hamish

    No it doesn’t. No one is required to have non-consent sex under the guise of marital duty.

  • Otto

    And that ‘duty’ includes another person having sex whether they want to or not. No…that is not consent.

  • Maoh

    Because it’s hilarious.

  • I. Meanit

    Well, consent has different forms, and you are not the one making definitions here. Next.

  • Otto

    If one person does not want to have sex, under what context or definition of consent does that fall under? Feel free to use any definition of consent you can find to answer my question.

    You seem to be the one making up definitions on you own accord.

  • Taya

    An Anarachaic one that assumes only men are smart enough to make decisions and supports the idea that only men are born with personal autonomy and indeed rights… remember, women were literally created for men to be servants to men who own those empty headed, easily led astray vessels of sin who… due to their over emotional and irrational nature… May not be utterly thrilled with their roles as walking womb, door mat, maid and uncompensated sex worker. Since they were created from men to be entertainment for men consent was absolutely unnecessary…. If the man’s willing… in these peoples eyes… then what’s the issue?

    /sarcasm, very obviously I hope.

    Only one I could find. Not sure how, in 2018, that idea still exists better yet how there is anyone who thinks it’s legitimate..

  • Chari McCauley

    the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

    When does this part start? Because, my ex said what was his was his, and what was mine was his.

    Arranged marriages must be awesome! Especially, if your parents sell you for money. You could be one of the “elite” members of a rich man’s stable!

  • Chari McCauley

    Who’s concent?

  • Bravo Sierra

    I once knew a guy who burned a hundred dollars every time he watched porn. He had to stop using pay-per-view.