What To Do When You’re In a Fight With Your Partner

My dear dog Bodhi and I are back in the several hundred acres of open space near our house. During the summer the swamp rose blocking a key passage but now the water has receded and the ticks have likewise done their seasonal tick thing so are no longer a danger for Bodhi.

Taking this shot of the afternoon sun illuminating the afternoon reeds, reminded me of a passage from the rather Verse of the “Universal Gateway” (Fumonbon ge) that we chant every morning in sesshin (and is a standard part of the liturgy in Japanese Soto temples):

If from Mount Sumeru’s lofty peak,
Someone were to throw you down,
By mindfully invoking Avalokiteshvara’s power
Like the sun you would stand firm in the sky.

It’s from the Lotus Sutra, written at least a couple thousand years ago so of course it uses circumstances from the period for examples of horrid situations that we humans might find ourselves in – like menaced by dragons, fish, or demons, vicious bandits or wicked people.

Substitute government collusion with the rich, your spouse’s lawyer during divorce proceedings, the bill for car repair, etc., and we might have a more modern version.

The important thing, though, is the repeated promise that whatever the situation, if we mindfully invoke Avalokiteshvara’s (the bodhisattva of compassion who regards the cries of the world) power, we will be saved.

This can be understood from a magical perspective, of course, which I don’t find very interesting or important for our times.

What is interesting is mindfulness and power. The suggestion here  is to practice mindfulness as in the Buddha’s refrain from the Satipatthana Sutta, the mindfulness of the body in the body, the feeling in the feeling, the heart in the state of heart, the dharma in the dharma – no separation.

In a fight with your partner, the sutra encourages us to be in the fight, to trust that the call for compassion is the call of compassion.

If this seems foreign, try it sometime and see if you feel it’s power.