The slow and regrettably public self-destruction of Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey continues. This self-proclaimed head of the “Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans Party” has managed more press attention than any joke candidate deserves. Now he’s in jail after ignoring court summons concerning charges of harassment against an underage girl (that he was allegedly cyber-dating at some point).

He’s run for governor and president and claims to lead a nation. Now, John Alfred Sharkey, 44, is in the Olmsted County jail, in lieu of posting $125,000 bail, accused of sending harassing e-mails to a Rochester teenager in 2007. The criminal complaint against Sharkey was filed last summer, but he didn’t make his first court appearance until last month after being arrested on a warrant. During his first court appearance Jan. 12, bail was set at $75,000. He was appointed a public defender, Rick Smith, who filed a motion for a bail reduction. Last week, his bail was increased to $125,000.

Turns out, not only is Sharkey a creepy stalker into cyber-dating girls young enough to be his daughter, but he apparently has no sense of humor either.

The girl told police they began dating online. She said she tried to end the online relationship but he refused to let her. She said that “in a desperate attempt” to get him to leave her alone, she e-mailed him that she was a member of an elite vampire hunter society and for the two of them to continue their relationship would put him in danger. She said that he called her cell phone and that she answered only after he sent her an e-mail threatening to call her family. The girl told police she felt she had to follow his demands and continue their relationship. She claimed he sent and made threatening and coercive e-mails and phone calls. The girl’s father told police that he talked to Sharkey but that Sharkey continued to call the girl and write letters to her parents.

That has to be one of the best break-up attempts I’ve ever heard. It’d be hilarious if Sharkey didn’t believe this girl was “his wife and princess” and didn’t already have a long history of harassing and stalking women. Maybe some time in a jail cell will bring home to him the notion that his 15 minutes of fame are up, that he needs some serious mental help, and that if you keep asking for media attention, you should be careful what you wish for. I suppose I should know better, but I hope this is the last I hear about this embarrassment.

Tags: Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, law, litigation, Paganism, politics, Vampyre, Witch