Why I Am Catholic
Skinner and the Smoking Man will haul you in for questioning. Be afraid. Be very afraid. They will send black helicopters to abduct you. The IRS will audit you. Also, the Men in Black will visit you with that little doohickey that erases your memory.
And another thing to consider: the reason why it takes so long for the White House website to load up? It takes time to find the GPS coordinates that match your ISP address. The President needs that in order to a) target your house with drones and/or a Tomahawk cruise missile and b) plant an unerasable cookie in your web browser.
Whatever you do, do not sign this petition! The Secret Service will tunnel under your house.
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