Bad Catholic
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I believe in God because the Jews terrify me. The atheistic explanation of religious belief — that it is cosmic wish-fulfillment and an opiate of the masses — cannot be applied to יאַרמלקע-rocking people. They did not follow the dictates of their God because they were promised everlasting bliss for doing so. They did not live a religious life because they would be rewarded for it after death. In fact, the early Jews didn’t even believe in Heaven. They believed in... Read more
The phenomenon of online-misery can be achieved by: a) Reading the news. b) Caring about the news. c) Trolling Planned Parenthood’s Facebook for 2 or 3 minutes (can we have a day for that? (International Rick Roll Planned Parenthood Day?)) But do not despair! There is one pasture in the waste land, one myrrh-scented site guaranteed to lift the spirit back to the transcendent. I speaketh, of courseth, of r/atheism. For those of you normal, healthy people unaware of the world of... Read more
True to their aging, crippled form, Planned Parenthood has left me speechless. Not because they’re too offensive, but because they’re too embarrassing for words. They’ve given me 347 ways to mock them, all at once, and I’m left feeling like a hyperactive kid in a candy store. I speak, of course, of a California Planned Parenthood’s awkward attempt at setting up 40 Days of prayer for abortion. And it truly is an Attempt. These old folks have no idea what prayer is, much... Read more
…is a right granted to aging, hipper-than-thou, pro-choicers — not upstart kids radically opposed to the killing of human beings. After all, the pro-choice movement have the catchier slogans, and they’re really good at philosophy. (Pro-life is a lie! You don’t care if women die!(lol, what?)) Anyways, I got a message in my inbox today from Nathaniel Thomas of Northern Kentucky University’s pro-life group, and I hope you will all spread it around: Mr. Barnes, I understand that you are a... Read more
Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the praetorium, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe upon him, and plaiting a crown of thorns they put it on his head, and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” And they spat upon him, and took the reed and struck him on the head. Jesus Christ had thorns forced... Read more
So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood; see to it yourselves.” And all the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!” Then he released for them Barab’bas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified. (Matthew 27:24) The martyrdom of the modern Christian is humiliation. It was rather... Read more
He said to them, ‘My soul is sorrowful to the point of death. Wait here, and stay awake.’ (Mark 14:34) Love is hard as Hell. Were we given the democratic opportunity to fashion the world as we wished, I imagine we’d have it otherwise. Love would be a comfort, an abstract — a flaccid feeling forever tickling us into smiles. But then again, why speculate? This is our zeitgeist. We live in an Age of Softening — our Love is but a pink-tinged... Read more
When I heard Audrey Assad was covering Pink Floyd’s masterpiece Wish You Were Here, I thought no! One does not simply cover a legend! But I was being stupid. She rocks it, giving it a brand new depth of loneliness. Shoulda figured. The woman runs through vocal phrases like she’s breathing. Buy it immediately. And hey, free music! Jars of Clay’s 2012 Spring Tour Sampler! And The Civil Wars, a live CD with their excellent track “Poison and Wine” which... Read more
Mr. Hitchens — may he rest in peace — was far too involved with Christianity to have ever become a Christian. If he had spent a little more time being an Atheist he might have considered the Body of Christ. But he couldn’t leave the non-God alone. He spoke of Christianity more than Her priests. He engaged Her more than Her followers. He lived the life of a pious Christian with several thousand misunderstandings of Christianity. Forever seeing Her through a microscope of... Read more
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