Yes, Why do You Keep Sabotaging Your Relationships?
Why do you keep sabotaging your relationships? Why don’t your relationships last? I was pondering the number of friends who immediately open their HEARTS to embrace love at the first opportunity, since as loving beings it is as natural to us as breathing. Yet within a very short time, they immediately withdraw that love when they allow their MINDS to interfere.
They immediately feel the joy that comes from giving and receiving love. But they also remember the pain when things don’t work out, and decide to withdraw that love. I have seen this happen over and over.
Low Self-Worth Leads to Self-Sabotage
Low self-worth leads to self-sabotage. And since most of you don’t really feel worthy to receive love, even when someone says, “I love you,” you immediately start wondering when this person who professes his or her love will come to know the REAL you, the unlovable you. So your negative thoughts end up attracting this very situation.
I think that many of you watch too many movies where there is a happy ending. And you think that’s the way your relationship should be. You need to remember that IT’S A MOVIE! It’s not real life! I think perhaps your expectations are unrealistic because deep down you don’t really think somebody could love you anyway.
If You Don’t Love Yourself You Will Self-Sabotage
As tough as this may sound, the truth is that NOBODY can love you if you don’t LOVE YOURSELF. Let’s face it; from the time you are little children you begin to feel pressured to “be perfect.” You need to make perfect grades in school, you need to be the perfect ball player, or the perfect dancer. If you aren’t a particular perfect height and weight, you are made fun of, and are therefore unlovable
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You grow up being disappointed in yourself. You never think you are quite good enough. And your relationships reflect this, since THOUGHTS ATTRACT. Even when you meet someone you like, you are always thinking, “What if he/she discovers the REAL ME? I know they won’t like me. I might as well push this relationship to fail, since it’s going to fail anyway once they discover the REAL ME.”
You Feel Relieved When Your Relationship Ends
When your relationship ends, you almost feel relieved that it’s finally over and you don’t have to pretend anymore. Best to just be alone so all the pressure to be something you are NOT has gone away. “Yes,” you think, “I’m better off alone. Now I can just relax and be myself with my girlfriends/boyfriends who accept me just the way I am.”
As one girlfriend admitted to me, “I felt like I was holding my breath the whole time. I was afraid to really be myself, or speak my truth, for fear that once he saw the real me he wouldn’t like me anyway. When I felt I couldn’t breathe anymore, I just exploded and cussed him out for something that HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH! I’m such an idiot!”
Learn to Give Love for the Joy of Giving!
I wish each and every one of you could learn to just give love for the joy of giving, and stop worrying that the other person won’t give back. Many of you are convinced this person will end up withdrawing their love after awhile. Just learn to embrace the moment, with no thought for a future outcome.
It will all work out if you just concentrate your energy on GIVING love, with no thought of receiving. Whenever a friend of mine bemoans the fact that they can’t find a loving relationship, I encourage them to go out and do volunteer work for an organization that they support. And every time they decide to do it, they end up meeting their perfect life partner.
Doing Volunteer Work is a Great Way to Open Your Heart!
I’m remembering my friend who spent several years signed up for every online dating service, with no luck. And she had no luck at her local church socials or any other singles organizations. So when I suggested that she do volunteer work to get her mind off her lack of love, she joined Habitat for Humanity and met her husband! And they are still married 10 years later!
When I encouraged another friend of mine to do volunteer work, and get her mind off her lack of a loving relationship, she proceeded to volunteer for various charities that made her miserable. And of course, it was all my fault that she still didn’t meet a great guy. She was too busy doing volunteer work that she hated!
My Friend was Sabotaging Her Chances for Love
She kind of missed the point, didn’t she? And then I realized that we needed to go back to her childhood to see what negative situations way back then were sabotaging her relationships today. After some gentle prodding, my friend admitted that her father left them when she was 8 years old. And her mother never got over his abandoning them.
All through my friend’s formative years, her mother cautioned her to not get too deeply involved in a relationship with a man. After all, he would just end up abandoning her and breaking her heart.
Once she accepted that her mother’s adamant belief about abandonment had settled in her subconscious mind, sabotaging all of her relationships, she was able to bless her mother and release those negative thoughts from her mind.
Self-Sabotage is such a common theme among my friends. Psychology Today has a great article on “Why Your Relationships don’t Last.” It’s a very insightful article.
My Friend Found the Perfect Place to Volunteer!
So then she looked for the perfect organization in which to do volunteer work. And she ended up spending one night a week at the local library, reading stories to the young children. She loved it! Also, the father of one of the children, a widower, invited her out to dinner, and they have been together ever since!
God’s Universal Law of Cause and Effect dictates that what you put out returns to you, so you are guaranteed to receive wonderful love in accordance with the amount you give. You deserve to be loved, and God loves you unconditionally.
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