Sex Ain’t Love–But it’s Better If You’re Married!

Sex Ain’t Love–But it’s Better If You’re Married! August 16, 2013

Sex isn’t love.  You can have sex and not be in love (men and women do it all the time).  Just because you sleep with someone does not mean you are in love with them.  And guys (in case you were wondering) sleeping with a lot of different women does not make you a man. Ladies, sleeping with a man does not mean he will love you.

Sex is one expression of love, but not the only one.  Our culture tends to portray sex as the main component of a romantic relationship.  Movies show couples in love having non-stop romantic sexual encounters morning, noon, and night.  While you are young and unfettered with children that may be a somewhat accurate portrayal of your relationship, but try having that type of loving relationship with a couple of babies in the picture and see what happens.  All of a sudden, if you believe that kind of relationship reflects whether you’re in love or not, you think something broken.  That ‘romantic sex’ thing ain’t working so good anymore—at least for awhile (relax, it comes back).

Contrary to what our culture promotes, human sexuality is not just about our genitalia, or even about having an orgasm.  True sex or sexuality occurs only when we have matured enough to have a deep, committed, intimate relationship with another person.  That typically isn’t possible with young or immature individuals.

According to psychologist David Schnarch in his book, Passionate Marriage, we reach our “genital prime” long before we reach our actual sexual prime.  For instance, adolescent males can get an erection and ejaculate quite quickly many times a day which means they may be in their genital prime, but it doesn’t mean they are in their sexual prime.  Sexual prime generally happens later in life for most men.  Most humans don’t really get sex or even truly enjoy it until they are mature adults.  We know that adolescent fumbling in the back seats of cars doesn’t really qualify as quality sex.  If we consider that real sex–sex with intimacy–doesn’t occur until we have developed deep feelings for someone, then sex with strangers is merely a physical exercise, not a spiritual experience.

But the truth is you don’t have to be single to be strangers—many married couples do not know each other well enough to be vulnerable enough to become intimate with each other.  Once a couple does become emotionally intimate with each other, a woman does not have to apologize for her sexuality or eroticism, nor a man for his physical need and desire.

And guess what?  Studies show married sex is better than single sex!  Despite the stereotype of married people having a boring sex life, research shows just the opposite.  Married people not only have sex more often, they enjoy it more than their single counterparts.  Studies show married couples have almost twice as much sex each week as singles do.  Not only that but they enjoyed it more.  In a National Sex Survey 42% of married women found sex extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to just 31% of single women.  Married men of course rated even higher.  Plus males and females were significantly more likely to remain faithful to their partner if married than if they were just dating or cohabitating.

So, want to have a life time with a lot of good sex?  Get married and stay married.

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