Okay, I think I’ve really latched on to something here.
It always surprises me when I discover something that is so absolutely, face-palmingly obvious that I simply cannot believe that I didn’t realize it sooner. Yet, it routinely happens.
I had been hemming and hawing about going out of town to an event that seemed a complete no-brainer in terms of potential fun. It was clearly a case of my brain falling into the trap of what I have come to recognize as something psychiatrists everywhere will eventually label “Stupid-Depressed-Brain-Nonsense-Thinking.” (Yes, APA, I’m looking at you. You’re welcome.) Symptoms of this include:
- Staying in bed for a ridiculous number of hours each day.
- Refusing to make up my mind about something.
- Beginning to wallow in my own indecision.
- Using this indecision to further justify staying in bed.
I really don’t know what caused me to have such a eureka!!! moment, but I just remember thinking, “You know, I just need to decide to go. Or not. Then, events will fall into place. I can just start here, by making a decision.” As long as my brain continued to ruminate on the events following the decision, I was virtually paralyzed. I can’t even explain it. It was all about outcomes, and potential feelings, and what might happen. Of course, none of these things were actually real, or had actually happened, and OMG, they might even NOT HAPPEN AT ALL. Somehow, in the throes of my SDBNT (Stupid-Depressed-Brain-Nonsense-Thinking), the potentiality of anything was beyond me. I was literally undone by my own brain.
Anyway, once I made up my mind (“I’m going, and let the chips fall where they may.”), I was immediately filled with more energy and happiness.
Or maybe that was just the caffeine kicking in.